Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Thanks @soul

Unfortunately I am all out of calm at the moment.

My darling definitely feeds off my anxiety, I need to always be smiling and happy or things do snowball. Bit hard to maintain when running on empty.

We went for a long drive and walk this afternoon, could not say that it was a happy time but it was a distraction and got us out of the house which is what we all needed.

I have come to that realisation @Former-Member, unfortunately that will have to be arranged covertly, darling would be far from amenable. It's going to be necessary though if I am to continue with uni.

💕 @Determined ....

Hi @Anony18

Thought I would tag you over here rather than rehash everything in the other thread. Since you were on here last my darling has spent some more time in hospital (3 1/2 weeks), got home about 6 weeks ago in the middle of my exam block which was lovely, tried to get doc to keep her for longer but she refused. Have been trying to impliment some new boundaries with the support of a councillor. (Description of the boundaries on page 1)

The first real test was this weekend when I should have called an ambulance but compromised and had her talk to a councillor over the phone. Hoping she understands that next time I will have no option but to follow through.

I am positive that with some work the new boundaries will make a difference for our family. The biggest challenge is for me is that I feel mean when she resorts to tears. Onwards and upwards is the plan 😆

@Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @soul

Update on our current situation

My Darling seems a little more settled this afternoon but is still worryingly depressed. I think the risk of sh is still high but reduced enough that I am happy to leave her for short periods, with children present.

She has worked out that anger and rudeness is now resulting in me switching off so is resorting to tears and sobbing. That is a lot harder for me to deal with and remain firm but so far so good.

Re the above mentioned compromise, (talking to a councillor in lieu of hospital), she confessed this morning to a medication infraction after talking to the councilor and promising me she was done with sh 😔.

She was quite smug about having fooled the councilor. What that does is gives me more strength to follow through with the hospital plan. I will be discussing with my councillor next week if there is any way of having a pre existing plan with the hospital and who to talk to. Unfortunately I dont have any faith with her pdoc helping out 😞

I suspect that there is a hormonal element to this and am hoping the current glut will pass sooner rather than later.

We are meeting with our pastor in the morning, I am hoping I can raise some concerns with him as a mediator and for some balanced advice for both of us around where to go from here.

Hi @Determined - good that the imminent danger has passed but still concerning that your Darling is resorting to other ways to get your attention and manipulate you. I know it too well.

It's great to see that you are dealing with this in a calm and effective manner and have plans in place or are in the process of formulating them to deal with any situation which may arise.

What's that saying? A stitch in time saves nine. Best to be proactive rather than reactive.

I know you have enlisted the help of your pastor before. How did that work out? Is he someone that your Darling respects and will listen to?