Caring for a wife with Borderline Personality Disorder- Sequel to Diary of wife’s hospital stay - holding it together for our family.

Thanks for asking @Determined - I am plodding along. Will write more about it in my story soon.

@soul @Faith-and-Hope @Faith-and-Hope

What to do... (rhetorical question 😔)

Not a good night in the determined house. I really don't want this to just be another whinge but just need to get some thoughts out to clear my mind. Have been talking to suicide callback line tonight so this is a bit of a debrief for me. Still not sure if I have made the right decision but the initial crisis has passed.

On of the boundaries when my darling came home from from hospital was that if my darling threatened sh or engaged in sh she would have to go to the hospital either willingly or by ambulance.

Well this afternoon we had a rational discussion where she told me she felt she 'could not do this anymore' and that she had a plan in mind, and told me what is was. The fact that she was so calm and confident about it rattled me more than when she says stuff in anger.

Tonight, prompted by attitude by one of the children we had a complete meltdown, threats of sh (permanent type) ending in sh (superficial).

Rather than call an ambulance which would have been traumatic for the children I called the suicide call back line for advice, darling initially refused to talk to anyone so the decision was to call the hospital ahead of time and take her up, if she refused then call an ambulance. While I was calling the hospital she was crying and pleaded with me to call the lady back, (she was initially quite smug and confident that I would not follow through with the hospital),

Called back the suicide call back line and got her to talk to someone, started off angry, moved to crying and upset to calm. She has now had her meds and gone to sleep. So at the moment she is at home and I will be watching closely. She understands that if there is any more cause for concern tonight I will be calling 000, because the opportunity for someone to come watch children so I can take her to ed has now passed for tonight .and any future sh will result in hospital no questions asked.

I just don't know what to do at the moment. I felt so mean and nasty tonight, especially when she resorted to tears and pleading. She feels like I am treating her like a child and I feel like I am but at the same time I am doing what I need to because I care.

I cant see how I can possibly get through this next semester at uni when it is like this before I even start. Lost and scared and don't know where to go next. We will have to try and talk tomorrow if she is calm enough. I need to find out from my darling who she would be comfortable calling in a crisis and talking to those people to discuss our situation with them (with her permission of course) .

I can see why you would be in a bit of a state @Determined. Really feeling for you right now. I think you did the right thing. Boundaries were discussed and whilst at this stage your Darling has not gone to hospital, she knows that you are serious. She tried to push them. You made a sensible compromise by calling that helpline. And her eventually willing to talk to the people over the phone was as good a result that you could have hoped for given the circumstances.

Seeing her upset must have been difficult. And I fully understand that you don't want to expose the kids to any sort of hysterical behaviour.

@Determined

Anxious. Helpless. Panicked. Desperate. Exposed. Ashamed. Regretful. Self-critical. Guilty. Misunderstood. Hurt. Rejected. Frustrated. Manipulated. Resentful. Envious. Discouraged. Pessimistic. Confused. Loving. Hating.

These were the emotions an anonymous blogger described when their partner was suicidal and I certainly identified with most of them; lost and scared ranked highly too.

It is more than a boundary Bro, we can never take a suicide threat lightly, particularly if a plan is in place, is pdoc contactable or are there any after hours options within the private system that you use? If Mr Darcy had a plan, it would be 000 irrespective of any protests.

I can relate to most of those emotions at the moment @Former-Member

There are no after hours options within the private system unfortunately. That I am aware of anyway. Certinally will not be leaving her alone at the moment. I will gauge how things are in the morning and make some more phone calls if I have to to see what we can do.

She is most reluctant to go to the ed because last time we tried that (not our local) they laughed at her and said she was making it up. Very damaging at the time and that all came flooding back out tonight.

Our local ed has been helpful in the past but she cant see that.

Morning all

@soul @Former-Member thank you for your feedback last night

We got through the night without further incident. My darling has just woken and is quiet and sullen but the anger and despair from last night seems to have eased. I still will not be leaving her alone at the moment. Going to be a long day.

Hi @Determined. Glad things have settled down. Hopefully it's not the calm before the next storm. Try to be positive and calm. Your Darling's mental illness makes her super sensitive and she will pick up on your anxiety and things may snowball from there.

@Former-Member, most people we know who would be helpful work. A lady I used to work with is dropping by early next week. Bumped into her at a seminar I went to during the week. When she asked how my darling was going saw straight through my smile so made contact with her next day to arrange a coffee catch up. This is a genuine lady with no expectations or alternative motives so really hope something comes if it. Darling realy needs a genuine friend at the moment.

We are meeting with our pastor also this week. Saw her this morning and didnt even ask how she was, (possibly saw the evidence of the sh from last night), just said you need to come see me. Supprisingly she agreed.

Fullly understand the draining bit, I'm very much back on auto pilot right now. I will manage because I have to but I am concerned how I will cope long term if things dont change. Been running on empty for too long already. I dont for a minute think I am alone in that department, just thonking out loud and looking for alternative solutions.

Inlaws are going away soon interstate (gran inlaw 99th birthday) and my mum is going overseas in about a month so that will leave me more than a bit short on help with them away at the same time.