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Something’s not right

My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

I told my therapist what the voices said and now I feel so drained and washed out and worthless and useless. These are my daily companions and I'm so scared of them. They haunt me and feel me with fear.
They tell me to hurt myself and that I need to d i e. That I should. That I deserve to.
But I'm too scared.

56 replies

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In response to: My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

Re: My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

Thanks @Former-Member for tagging me in this discussion. I've only been flitting here and there on the boards today so otherwise I may have missed it.

@Former-Member you ask how voice hearers cope with things that come from your own mind... I find I detatch from what the voices say and command as compared to my own internal monologue. My voices for example, can be quite violent in command hallucination form (issuing commands to hurt others sometimes), but my own internal monologue is shocked and confused in response (which is what would be my normal response to such violent innuendo). As strange as it sounds, I separate myself from my voices. It's the only way I can get by sometimes without thinking I must be truly evil. I don't believe I'm evil at all.

In response to: Re: My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

Re: My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

Me too @Quenie, me too.
I get violent commands and images inserted into my brain to hurt myself. My therapist is talking about this coming from within myself and I'm just finding that so hard to cope with.
Why would I do this to myself? I just cannot conceptualise what kind of a f**ked up human being I must be to conjure this stuff.
And it's just been relentless recently and I NEED to study. I'm so far behind on uni.
And talking about what it says to my therapist is so overwhelming.
Urgh.
Sorry for such a massive whinge.

In response to: My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

Re: My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

Perhaps now is the time to present to your nearest A+E Department @Former-Member. You needn't suffer in silence.

@Former-Member perhaps a little contact behind the scenes for our friend?

In response to: My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

Re: My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

Hey @Former-Member
How is the study going? Are you close to finishing for the semester?
PS I kinda feel the same way just this minute. Here with you 💜🤗

In response to: Re: My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

Re: My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

Thanks @Queenie, not sure about hospital.
I know I should contact my doctor, but I just don't want to.

Heya @Former-Member, I'm sorry that you're feeling so crappy.
Not really, I have 2 small assessments, 1 HUGE one and an exam. It's really only the huge assessment I'm stressed about, but I just can't see how I'm going to finish it. And deadlines are looming......

In response to: Re: My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

Re: My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

Hi @Former-Member I've dropped you an email to check in.

In response to: My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

Re: My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

I figured that was adding to the stress and crappy stuff going on for you too @Former-Member. I could tell you stuff but I know you already know it. It's just finding how to be ok enough to finish it that's the hard part. Keep breaking it down. I know you can do this. You've done it before and you'll do it again. Sending hugs to help get through. 💜🤗💐

In response to: Re: My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

Re: My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

I just can't seem to get through a semester without getting il. I've been ill 3 times in the last year and a half.
I just had a thought - I might see if I can get some help for my assessment. It's on stats and epidemiology and my brother did a stats degree at this uni. I might see if I can get some help in the next few days.
But I'm just sick of feeling this way and I don't want to admit to my doctors. I guess it's just going to get worse if I don't do anything about it.
I just feel like if I bashed my head against a brick wall this would all stop and I'd feel better.
How's your day been @Former-Member?

In response to: Re: My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

Re: My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

Do you want to know something @Former-Member My day just got a whole heap better for talking to you. I had come to my bed to cry and was feeling really down. I'm struggling so much with my identity but just coming on to respond to you felt the most natural thing I've done all day and felt a bit like my old self.

It sounds like you know a couple of options that could help @Former-Member. Help with the coursework and maybe reaching out for a bit more help with your doctor. You've got this 👍. Hang in there, itwill be worth it. I know your road is really hard but you've done so much of the hard work this semester. Sending good luck vibes and a study grooves your way 💜🤗💐

In response to: Re: My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

Re: My post to the universe of nothingness has just disappeared.....

PS I think English is optional for my posts at the moment😝

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