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on the edge

Unknown userMember13 June 2017, 4:15 pm AEST

on the edge

I feel destroyed. So down. So frail. So unwanted & lonely. I have been having temptations lately to hurt myself severely again. Commit suicide, I suppose.

My CYMHS team has given up on me. I have given up on myself and my family won't get me support and won't allow me to get support. They also said that if I did do anything again that they will disown me. I honestly - don't want to hurt them and I don't want to have to go through the same difficult aftermath as I did last time.

I am afraid. I am afraid that I won't be accepted help (like what has happened before) and I am afraid that I will just continue be dragging on the floor like I am right now and hit breaking point and will do something irreversible.

I feel so stuck and so confused on where to turn. I don't honestly know what to do. I dont see a future in all honesty. I am not living this life. Things shouldn't be like this.

What do I do in this sort of situation? I don't know.

106 replies

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In response to: on the edge

Unknown userMember19 June 2017, 8:29 am AEST

Re: on the edge

@eth

I have been drinking this morning - suppose that isn't the best way to "cope". I won't do anything stupid but thank you for caring.

@Former-Member if you could remove my last comment would be lovely. Sorry - got too much inside my head

In response to: Re: on the edge

ethSenior Contributor19 June 2017, 8:31 am AEST

Re: on the edge

Drinking won't help @Former-Member It only depresses a person even more. I suggest you have a drink of water right now and maybe a coffee. Keep drinking water most importantly.

In response to: on the edge

Unknown userMember19 June 2017, 8:33 am AEST

Re: on the edge

You would think I would have figured that out by now @eth -- 😞 . Just want to get out of my mind for a bit I suppose.

I will have some water

In response to: Re: on the edge

ethSenior Contributor19 June 2017, 8:35 am AEST

Re: on the edge

When we're upset it's easy to forget the most basic self-care. Especially if we've been drinking @Former-Member!

In response to: on the edge

Unknown userMember19 June 2017, 8:37 am AEST

Re: on the edge

@eth I utmost agree. Going to try to blast some music... I just hate feeling like this

In response to: Re: on the edge

ethSenior Contributor19 June 2017, 8:47 am AEST

Re: on the edge

Ok sounds good @Former-Member. Remember feelings can change when time passes. Don't forget to breath deeply and slowly while you get into the music. Sometimes it really does help. Have a dance for me!

In response to: on the edge

Unknown userMember19 June 2017, 11:53 am AEST

Re: on the edge

😞

In response to: on the edge

Unknown userMember28 July 2017, 2:16 pm AEST

Re: on the edge

So - here I am. Nothing has changed. nothing nothing nothing. Here I am, talking to myself. I am all I have, and only having myself terrifies me - I hate myself. I just wish this was all a dream. When I was only 5 years old, I feel into thinking that life was a dream. I never believed anything was real. Everything felt false. Maybe I called it early that a happy childhood isn't continuous into life. I don't know.

And I feel so hopeless you know and I hate thinking like this. No - I don't feel sorry for myself and the last think I need is sympathy.. But the last thing I need is hate and denial and dismissal either - and that is all I seem to get.

I am so ready to give in.

In response to: Re: on the edge

Zoe7Senior Contributor28 July 2017, 2:25 pm AEST

Re: on the edge

@Former-Member It has been a while since we chatted but I have seen you around the forum getting some amazing support and giving support yourself. They are two positive things you have! I also know you have been 'talking' alot over the last couple of days about yourself and your life - all very difficult to do. This can often leave you feeling tired/drained and more emotional - and that is ok because getting some of those things out in the open is HUGE. Every single feeling you have is valid - do not let anyone tell you otherwise. We all react to 'things' in different ways and every one of us has the right to 'feel' how we do - it is what you do next that is important - and you have jumped on the forum - voiced how you are feeling and connected - that is HUGE also - and takes alot of courage.

So you are not talking to yourself - we are listening and we are here with you - you are not alone

In response to: on the edge

Unknown userMember28 July 2017, 2:34 pm AEST

Re: on the edge

@Zoe7

I have missed our conversations. It is great to see you around - as I don't believe we have crossed paths very often.

Thank you so very much Zoe- you are so kind hearted. I wouldn't simply praise myself for connecting on here - but yes the past few days, I have become a little more active then normal. I usually hide in the background and don't say much.

I wish you are well xx

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