Seeing doctors when you don't leave the flat?

Hi @PeppiPatty

You know, it is funny you should mention this, a few years ago i had the same thought, who will care what i have done in 100 years time, this is how i have justified my existance ever since, but it is hard not to think of the hear and now, especially when you are being put down everyday by people on the media, and people in public. i know i should not care, but after years of the same comments, it does take it's toll on me... maybe i am just too sensitive.

Yes you are right, it was @Chris, and yes mum is not dissapointed in me as such, i think she is dissapointed that i could not have a good life, a normal life, she is greatful for what i do, but the inner voice in me says i should have done more for her, i wished she did not have to go through years of poverty and humiliation because of having to financially support me. so many times she came home from the street having to leave the groceries because she had no money in her bank account, i can still vividly remmeber her sitting in the living room balling her eyes out, and me not being able to do anything but be angry at myself for putting her in this position.

@PeppiPatty, you are a special person, the way you broke the taboo's of your culture is fantastic to care for your children, it is a shame you struggle to have contact with them now, i am so sorry, family is everything.

Thank you so much for supporting me, i hope one dy i will be able to help you in some small way.

Take Care, Stay Warm

Jacques

Dearest @Jacques

You have no idea

How much i needed to hear this.

Its struggle isnt it. I actually have no problems with my sons not calling me. What does bother me is that i see a Psychotherapist to get my story clear in my head. In that my Dad stole my home and money from me. In thaf he bullied me into a dangerous relatioNship. It may have been 15 years ago but i need to get the right story clear in my head.

What it all from is that from a very little girl, my extremely narcissistic mother ripped my self to shreds. Ive been laughed at in i,pportant places by important people. Ive been left very vulnerable and not knowing now to get he.p in dangerous places.

And i survived.

For me its all about self care.

Also, doing what you can do in the community.

Are you on the last breath out, are you gonna regret you had 3 sugars in your coffee or being a hard worker for someone else, are you?

Thankyou both @PeppiPatty and @Jacques ,

you have both so much compassion and understanding for others. Justanother47yr you have so much wisdom in how you are are approaching your life, your past, and present. I'm so glad that you have taken the time to become caring of yourself. thank you both for everything that you share, reading it helps in so many ways! My mother was very nasty, in physical and emotional ways, always manipulating, so i can relate to that and im sorry that it left such a deep impact, but i understand it too, because i've so bad my whole life just for daring to breathe the air that is meant for better people... but its not actually true.. and your sharing is really letting me 'feel' that its not really me.. all that stuff said and done.. its not what i am, because I can hear and feel and know that you are not that either... just because someone wrong said so. this may not make sense.. sigh... i know what i mean tho lol!

lj

Dear @Former-Member

Thanks..... an activity::

You could imagine your walking down the street. You are a stranger an attractive lady walking next to your Mum, but your not like her.

Instead your wise, you get support for your children.

Ille just let you know @lisajane that you need to look at your life and turn it into a creative journey. How can you change it?

Can you write a children's book?

Art?

So, to help myself, ive gone back into therapy to get my own story straight. Not to get accolades for what has happened. Not to try and get recognition from my family, but for me so i dont lie about my story.

To help myself, i spend a lot of time ,with my ex husband.......

Craft work

Be clear. Because of you, i have very slowly gone into the community and talking to some teenagers on education while keeping myself safe because they are very at risk teenagers.

Than something happened. a light in my sad obscure life. My well known brother is doing work and something twigged in him and he called me. All those years of my Mum belittlimg me...he's slowly sorting it out. Hes 50 years old.

@PeppiPatty@Mazarita@Jacques @Former-Member

It is so wonderful and incouraging when I see that the forum and peer support actually works.

It makes me feel hopeful for people.

Thanks

Sounds like you are a wise woman.

My exhusband was a bit like Max .. very negative headspace and art but functional in a weird way.

You are on the right track.

Hi @PeppiPatty,

yes it is a struggle, and i do understand what it is like trying to get the past right in your head, i still have no idea where i developed seperation naxiety form, maybe because both my parents where working when i was verry little (2-5 years old), i was cared from baby sitters homes, maybe something happened their or maybe not, i don't know, but what i do know is not knowing why i am so emotionally underdeveloped is so frustrating.

i am glad you are getting help to sort things out, it is important, as long as you make progress, i feel so blessed to have come from a good calm home, i feel so embarressed and ashamed seeing what troubles others have had with their family, this is one reason why i don't reach out to family, too frightened of upsetting them.

Yes once self esteem is gone, it is very hard to get back, it is good you have goals, self care, community care, etc, it is important to help people and not to get too into self defeating ways.

Yes people can be so cruel, their needs to be better understanding on what words can do to a person, they can be so damaging, i was bullied continually for being obese/fat, it never bothered me, but continually being called a burden to society has taken it's toll, weird, huh, some words don't bother me, others do.

i often read about massacres, (ok i understand this is extreem), but what they all had in common is that the people whom commited the atrocities felt bullied and put down by their peers. the people they harmed did not see their actions as anything important, but to the individual it was huge.

What i am trying to say is don't feel sorry for what has happened to you, to others it may have not been important, but to you it was massive, remember it, feel the emotions and impower yourself from it, as you said, you survived, and you are a stronger woman for it, this goes for you too @hiddenite, your past may have been damaging, but you are couragious and inspiring to all of us who are being abused by their family and strangers. YOU SURVIVED!!!!!!

Take Care

Jacques

Hi @Former-Member,

wow @PeppiPatty has said everything, well i hope you managed today, i know how frantic it can be with government agencies, i have been thinking of you today, i hope you didn't get too frustrated by the whole thing, it is almost over now, just hold on for a little bit longer, you are almost their.

it is good to see you are not letting your past control who you are now, you and @PeppiPatty are so strong, making the best of the situations you found yourselves in.

well i will not take up anymore of your time, i know you are busy.

Take care, Stay warm.

Jacques

Hi @Appleblossom,

I could not agree wit hyou more, this forum is the only place where i have spoken about my fears, anxiety and depression, no one else knows, it is so freeing to be able to be open and honest about my failures and fears, without being laughed at, i feel so honoured to have met you all.

aye aye @Jacques