Seeing doctors when you don't leave the flat?

Yes and we have also been lucky tto see the caring and emotionally developed side of you. @Jacques

I was never quick with verbal descriptions of my feelings when I was young, and had a very calm persona. But give me enough grief and physical pain and I can scream and holler with the best of them. We all bleed when cut.

I had a shower late and got dressed up. My student did ok. I am going out to a rehearsal is enough reason seeing as I have clothes lying around. Better not go out nude will scar everyone for life and freeze my **. One reason I like teaching is that they have seen me in all sorts of attire .. I can dress up or down.

@Mazaritahow are you going .. I am conscious you started this thread. Did you get dressed today? I like PJ days too.

Hi @Appleblossom. No worries about lots of different messages being posted here. I am well on my way now with dealing the original problem when starting this thread. Yes, I got dressed today, though I haven't had a shower (sorry, yuk, who wants to know that, lol). Other thing I did today was a GP appointment. Mainly I just feel sick from lack of sleep last night. Hopefully will get to sleep at a more reasonable hour tonight so that I'll feel better for the basic tasks tomorrow. Hope everyone's evening holds some good stuff.

Hi @Appleblossom

I struggle with finding the words to describe how i feel, somehoe they seem not powerful enough, not fightening enough, not humiliating to depict how i feel. you are right, our environment plays a big part in shaping who we are, i know my past has a huge bearing on the damage done to me, and why i am so fearful of everything now.

you should not feel bad, i have days where i can bearly move, actually it is usually days on end, it is good you have somethign to get up for, that is the one big struggle i have, no reason to get up, no reason to be. i have nothing in my life, half the time i struggle to find a reason to still be around. only for mum i would have died years ago.

yes nude is not good on a week like this, a little too cold, lol

i hope the rehersal went well and you are happy with your students progress.

Take Care & Stay Warm

Jacques

dear @@Appleblossom

Thanks re:answer.

But often in your messages, lies little nuggets of gold.

When you speak of your son.....maybe sometimes with memories.....oh...that message where your brother was growing weed but you grew out of it. They are funny.....lol.

I truly truly believe that only change can come with positive feedback.

I have a friend, took about 18 months to trust him and as he is so.....schiziod.....meaning withdrawn, staying at home, too Sensetive, tall, very thin....clever but quiet.introverted.

He's 57 years old....i was having coffee with him. He says...why do you bother? Why do you care? Iv'e given up. I never go out of my way for anyone. If someone needs anything, i tell them your looking at the wrong person.

i wasnt scared or annoyed, i had this flash.....this was what i thought friendship was. Always with wrong people and ille be lonely. It was always me left chasing people up for coffee, lending people bits of cash and not bothered picking it up. I felt amazing that i had chosen to take a long time to get to know him. I stood up and said look ive got things to do. But ille pay for coffee.....thankyou so much for having coffee with me.

On the weekend, my ex husband and i went to the supermarket. I wanted some plain cocoa ..no added sugar and we both spent long time scouring the shelves. But when we were married. I would be focused on 'The timetable..or time for us to.......take ourselves for a walk. Or make dinner. Always things to do. No time to......scour the shelves for cocoa. No sugar ok.

I felt special that he was so concerned about finding me the right cocoa. And I never let him do this when we were together. It was him who was ill and his blooming you know what mother making my life as difficult as she could........even though he was doing meaningful vollunteer work......Hes asked me if we could get back together and i said absolutely not. But we are good friends forever.

I felt sad that it was so difficult.

Anne

@Mazarita

Now, my last terrible spelling message definately had nothing to do with you leaving the house.

How are you today tonight ?

@Mazarita

I think it is good to bring things back to basics .. when parenting I figured out that was all there was to life .. .. at my snooty choir (they are starting to appreciate me, and me, them) one lady started going on about how we should all be cutting down on showers anyway given water shortages etc. She was of German extraction .. in the old days it was a bath a week and in these cold days we dont really need a daily shower .. just being silly .. thats all.. hope you can settle better tonight ..

@Jacques

I knew you were a caring person because you were enduring an uncomfortable life because you did not want to hurt your mum. Levels of self denial do come into being mature and caring for others it all depends on circumstances how much is necessary and not to go overboard...

That is an advantage of being a parent .. we force ourselves to do things .. and kids give life a meaning. That does not mean that everybody has to have children, but you can see when caring for someone like Karen that it is natural to overlook your own situation. So there is already meaning to your life beyond your own needs and experience.

It was a cold wet drive across town but we did good music and had a few laughs. I had another chicken and bean burrito when I got home.

In some ways I am in a good position .. there are unresolved issues but not things I can actively fix .. so it is a waiting game for me .. I have to keep up a sense of positive lifestyle for my boy .. so he can find his own reasons to make a worthwhile life.

Hi @PeppiPatty. Hope you are feeling fine tonight and that Arlo is giving you lots of warmth and affection. I've been up and down over the evening: bipolar woman rides again. Better than yesterday though, thank goodness. 🙂

@Appleblossom. Yes, basics are what I'm most interested in developing at this time. I am lacking a lot of fundamental skills. Didn't develop good habits in early life with cooking and cleaning among other things. Have mostly avoided domesticity over my adult life and/or just not been able to sustain any regular routine with it. I've eaten a lot of breakfast cereal! Failing to function on these basic levels can be part of the bipolar profile so I shouldn't beat myself up too much about something that may be the result of brain chemistry. But I am aware that I'll be much better off in the future if I can put in place some better routines now. Mainly trying to just be patient with my regular failures and keep taking it step-by-step, hopefully into a better place.

@PeppiPatty

I am glad you can see the funny side of my posts .. my life is full of topsy turvy extremes..

I am glad I "met" you.

the first thing that struck me about you was that you put energy and thought into your posts .. some of us are more rescuer types .. I am like that too ..it is a good trait but not always appropriate ...dont think I could admit that I was needy in my rescuing for a very long time .. I was on a mission .. sometimes it is good to just pay, be polite and get on to other things .. sometimes we need to learn to hold back .. let others do the giving .. rescuers also should not have to put in to a vacuum endlessly .. give a little .. a bit more .. but maybe another persons learning is to learn to give or believe they have something worth giving .. ... I just know that there are reasons why people are the way they are.

I am impressed that you are working things out in harmony with your ex .. is he the boys dad?

It is sad .. when people suffer .. but I am glad he cared enough to try and indulge you in a small way.

I can also understand that you may not want to go back .. relationships are complex and up to the people involved .. nobody else should judge

@PeppiPatty

I just need to say thank you .. in Sept it will be 20 years since my brother died. ... I never thought I would be able to laugh about something about him ever again ..but because of the way you care .. it seemed to flow .. its the first time .. it is funny ,, dont worry he would see the funny side too .. it is very important for me .. no pofessional counsellor has ever been able to give me that

I am very sensitive to people poking fun at vulnerable people with MI. Red rag to a bull .. Humour is healing but its tricky and has to be earned. You earned it.

A Ginormous hug for you