Flower back & starting over

Hi @Sahara

I'm sorry you've had similar experiences. I've been self reliant and very cautious about what I say and to who since my childhood. Then I started therapy and had to start opening up, slowly and gently, with my treating team. The beginning made me extremly vulnerable and I eventually I had to look for people outside my treating team to trust, at least a little bit, as I needed them to be part of my safety network. The person who betrayed me, was on my safety plan, a person I confided in that I sometimes don't want to live and that I shared a bit of my journey with. It makes me feel sick.

Last night I kept dreaming about work and waking a lot and my last dream was about one of my abusers sending me photos of himself with other young children. It hasn't been a good start to my day 😞

@Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope

Today I just feel sick and hurt too tired to do anything. On top of that I have to reduce one of my meds today 😞 I don't think that will make things easier. Thanks for thinking of me. I don't think I need a shell a need a double stone wall (like 1 tonne stones) to just shut the world out 😞

I feel like a broken record, I feel all this whinging and whining doesn't get me anywhere. It said on my calendar yesterday "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. -Dalai Lama-" I just don't get it. I don't get the concept of self compassion and feeling sorry for myself and not moving forward. I AM NOT MOVING FORWARD!!!! And it makes me angry so much.

Hello @Former-Member

I'm sorry your feeling bad, I think the reduction of your medications would be adding to that feeling - your body will adjust to the medication change, it takes time. If you feel you need a double tonne stone wall to shut the World out right now, I will help you carry those stones; but I will make sure I build a window so you can still see; and I will build a secret trap door, so that when your ready, you can join that World again

I don't think your a broken record, broken records don't play at all; I think it's more like your record has a scratch - so I will lift the needle and place it on the next groove, and if that groove is also scratched I will lift it again 🙂 I don't think you are whinging and whining, I think you are expressing, and in doing so, you're being self-compassionate. In doing that you are being brave 🙂 I don't think you are feeling sorry for yourself, you are trying to understand. In doing so, you are being intelligent and caring for all around you.

I think you are moving forward, it can be so very frustrating the pace at which we move. But going forward at any pace is a great achievement

Good morning @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Sahara @BlueBay @outlander @Zoe7

I hope you all managed to get some sleep and have a good start to the morning.

Thanks @Former-Member for building my stone wall with me and for remembering to put a little window in there and a trap door. I think I would have forgotten about that.

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope I like the colour idea. My favourite colour is green.

I cried a lot yesterday and I am still feeling the sadness - do you get that when you cry a lot, it feels like my body is drained of energy, my eyes still tear up in the aftermath and I just feel raw.

Oh @Former-Member .... that is really hard. I hope the tears have abated this morning and you can start getting some more of your equilibrium back.

Hugs Hon ..... 💜🌷

Good Morning @Former-Member 🙂

I'm really lucky that when I lay down at night now, I sleep. I hope you got peaceful sleep too

My pleasure building your stone wall with you, maybe one day we can make a cystal castle, with spiral staircases and beautiful bay windows 🙂 and a magic door that keeps out the wind and the rain without ever having to be closed.

My favourite colour is yellow.

I'm sorry you've been so sad. Yes I used to get when I cried a lot, my body would be drained. My muscles would all tense up, I couldn't stand or even sit, I had to curl up on my side. I would cry so hard I couldn't breathe and it really hurt.

I'm feeling for you, I'm wiping away your tears, handing you a tissue and giving you gentle hugs

good evening my awesome @Former-Member

hugs and hugs @Former-Member i really hope today was abit better for you

thinking of you and sending you more love and hugs