when is it time for hospital

I don't blame you @outlander I think there really would be something wrong if you were enjoying this! (excuse my feeble attempt at humour!)

You can do this, your doing the right thing, even if it is a blur and you don't know what your doing. What your doing is something, it has to be better than nothing

Niqua i think if we didnt use humour every now and then then i think it would fade and become a distant memory for most, so i dont mind it. i think if we dont laught even in our tough times then i dont think we would recover as well, so use it as much as you like @Former-Member

@Former-Member

yes its a very very difficult time! And no the arguments arent helping me one bit because then I have the repercussion of seeing the specilist and they are making it awkward for me not to go. And yeah im startign to think they are all understanding where im coming from now, and the reason why I didint want them involved in the first place

im not seeing that male psychologist, if anything ill change but I also have the one through the sa therapy as well which I start tomorrow, I might ask her actually that they think I have a personality disorder but not sure what maybe she can help.

I havent had a chance to see the horse yet and the owners have been away as well so they get back on friday so providing nothing gets worse ill be able to o see her then

I dont feel amazing not at at all and I seem to just be going in circles and not anywhere else and as you said the arguments are not helping one bit

ill write what i was going to write befor ei was in a hurry to get out of my house too

I found these quite funny - especially the one that tells you not to breathe underwater! XD

@outlander@Former-Member@CheerBear

Hi Outlander, Niqua and CB

It is very hard to push away from our parents - I married badly to get away from my loving but strict father and really rough and sometimes brutal mother

i married a man - if life had gone better we might have still been together today - and not known how unhappy we were - but as it turns out my ex-h couldn't cope with our son and we split up a couple of years after that - a bit longer -

But I did marry for the wrong reason - and so yes - I do know what it was like to be trapped in my own home when I was of legal age - but right now - I have thought a lot and I think you are acting on my suggestions - and this is fine

Another thing - when I first started seeing a psychiatrist my mother told them not to believe them if they told me I had an unhappy childhood - that I was very happy most of the time - but the truth was that I suffered a lot of stress and I was so unhappy at home - as was my brother - we decided to do things that were important away from home - so we both went to night school and joined the army reserve - and were into sport as well - competing and watching - we were really miserable at home

So yes - I can see past your mother - she will rant because she doesn't want to face ill-treating you - but I gather she has - and not actually from exactly what you have written - but through your story - you are confused at times but you don't tell lies - your story is consistent

I have been to the doctor and I have to continue with the antibiotics - he will see how it looks on Friday before he decided whether to lance it or not

I think you feel as if you are going in circles but I can see the zig-zag path you are walking right now and I am pretty sure Niqua can see this too - and CB

Dec

Ok so im now at someone elses house and at my own will this time.. ill be here for the next 2 nights.
Ive organised with my mother to do the sick horse but ill get the hay tomorrow as well as go to gp and also the psychologist appointment too

she asked me why and since they want me to tell them things I siad I have an appointment in the morning and then one in the afternoon.
She said what are they I said I cant remember the morning one but I know I have one- its my gp appointment but im afraid if I say that they will come with me and I dont want that but they left that.
Then she said whats the other one and I said its the psychologist and oh god- she said I hope its not that stupid bi**h oout at that other place casue your not going there again. I said no thats a psychiatrist theya re for meds. She said good but sarcastic like yep I know your not going there because im not going to let you type of thing
then my sisters were satrting to harp on but they seemed to tone it down a bit once they realsied I was going and mum was going to be there to take them to school

sometimes I thinks its easier to smack my head against the wall. It responds just as well and makes my body respond the same way so why not

and tomorrow im so nervous about seeing a psychologist- I ahvent been to one since april so 2 months now and this ones for the sexual abse counselling. I dont know what to expect and also I might meantion they think I have a personality disorder too and see what she thinks but im so friggin nervous!
@Owlunar@Former-Member@CheerBear@Eden1919@Former-Member

I think you have depression, anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder at lease @outlander

Your mother can intimidate you but you can go to hospital if the doctor insists - I am sure you are not the only person being stuffed around like this

Did you get year 12 before you left school - have you thought of going to University and living there - it's a lont time until the university starts it's new year - March 1018- but I am just floating ideas about

I think your Mum enjoys herself giving you a hard time and of course you feel sick and silly with all that head and body trauma

this is so tough

Dec

@Owlunar

im sorry that has happened to you as well, i always thought parents should eb kind and understanding but obviously there are others out there even if they are only directed at one child. i would never be a parent like that, i dont think i would have it in me, firm yes but not like some parents including ours

i dont ahve a reason to lie and even when i would i usually dont casue it comes back to bite me anyway, i ahte lying though i think not telling them i knew the appointment tomorrow was the right thing though and they will get over it, they ahvent pestered me over it so i will just let sleeping lions lie

and im glad you can see the story is consistent at least i can give the right information despite being confused, i jsut write the truth and thats about it sometime i kepe things to myself but thats not a lie it more what im comfortable sharing- two different things

lets hope those antiobiotics work for you, im going to go tomorrow and im crapping msyelf casue i dont want anymore needles but i ahve a feeling shes going to want to 😞

@Owlunar i ahve been diagnosed with complex PTSD, severe depression, severe GAD, moderate health anxiety and mild social phobia plus now they think i have a personality disorder! wouldnt surprise me and might give me more reason to go back on meds casue i cant manage my mood very well at all, they are all over the shop and it seems it doesnt matter what i do i cant manage them and they change within a split second and constanlty changing.

i did finsihed year 12 and passed my HSC as well- though not as well as what id hoped considering i ahd this going on and i wasnt bein treated for it and my nan was very sick and in and out of hospital constantly and on a timeline of when she was going to pass

i dont want to go to university but i do have a certificate in medical terminology and now doing 2 other courses which are certificate of achievements until i can afford to do the bigger ons but with these and the more i do the better interest it shows the the better ill do in the bigger course

and yeas i fele quite stupid and confused, nervous, out of control and all the rest plus this studpi cyst is annoying the crap out of me which isnt helping and those stupid bullies!!!