when is it time for hospital

Talk tomorrow @outlander,I have to sleep.

hey @outlander

i have some time to reply in full to all the stuff you've said

with any luck it will help you (and maybe me in the process too i guess)

firstly, who was the conversation with? (not that it's entirely important)

so firstly, "i dont have friends and the ones i thought i had are rubbing it in they are glad im not with them anymore". I know exactly how this feels. I've lost some friends from my past as well. It's hard. Very hard. You begin to wonder what you did wrong. You begin to feel like you deserve to feel the way you do. Let me say that these are only a few people who you will meet in your life. The reality is that you will meet more and then you make new friends. As we get older in life this happens.

"i dont have relationships with my family" this one I can't really talk to because I'm close with my family and they know what I deal with. Although you have mentioned you take care of your pop a fair bit? what's your relationship like with him? And the fact that you are acting as a mother (in essence) with your sisters is perhaps a signal that you could be more of a sister (I'm not exactly sure what that means but it's the best way I could phrase it). Maybe see your role as more of that of an older sister? And you mention your mum and her bf and how they are a problem for you. This is not ideal clearly but I don't know what else to say on that because I don't want to make it worse.

"i have never really dated at all" this one I can relate to all too well! I have been on 2 'sort of' dates. The first was via tinder and I think I might've explained the history of that one on another thread here (the march 2016 story). The second was with a girl I met when she came to the wrong class at uni and she was really cool. I was crushing on her like mad. Eventually we ended up getting lunch but then she changed the destination and I buggered up her order. She stopped talking to me much after that and i recall her saying that she had 'mixed emotions' about me. I didn't know what that even meant... Then she basically said at another point that mental health wasn't even something to acknowledge. We stopped talking because 'life' got in the way. Then I ended up deleting her facebook, she sent me a dirty text then i said i was over talking on odds and ends like that. So there... my dating history. And I am a 24 year old single male living in metropolitan sydney who is also a virgin and spends most of his time being depressed or anxious about the future while all his friends seem to be developing relationships, friendships and getting money and making something of themselves... Then I am here on a saturday night wasting away.. all because I can't handle human interaction in the way most other people can.... So i hear you on that @outlander

"im isolated, i dont enjoy anything and the big part of my life has gone and that was the horses"
this i can sympathise with. I wouldn't say I was isolated but I certainly have experienced it in the past and I am sort of now too. What sorts of things could you do that would give you a sense of community/connection other than through sane forums (which are really good!)? Have you heard of meetup.com ? Try that out. Or maybe there are local community groups in your area that you could attend? Like art or coffee meetings? I'm unsure of your area/location (which makes sense given the forums are anonymous) but I think if you look around a bit you may find something in your area. I know it's probably very hard to do. I myself have been trying to get back into music since June and haven't done so after I quit the uni orchestra i was in... quitting a second time is a weird experience. I've been trying to get back into it by joining a local one I know about but I haven't been able to muster up the courage/enthusiasm because I don't like myself at all. Borderline hate in fact. But that's depression speaking. It's all a stepping stone I guess hey? I've thought of googling (which is perhaps something you could do about your area too?) interest groups too (maybe there is a sydney star wars group i get involved with idk).. But it is very hard to find new interests when you have things that you've been associated with for so long. Everyone around me seems to be able to figure their stuff out really easily and I can't. It's the worst isn't it?

It's okay to be on medication for your mental health. It's also okay to have the chronic pain and physical illness (not okay in the sense that they don't matter, but just remember that thinking it's bad can sometimes make it worse off).

I hope I have helped somehow. I really do. If I have made it worse then please tell me so that I don't make the same mistake again. I am a bit of a mess myself lately because I hate myself and everything like that. It's just such a struggle to do this on my own - I think that's something we both have to do actually. The amount of people I have told about my mental health is not the same as the amount of people who can be helpful.. and even then they can't always say the right things.

Life is tough with mental illness @outlander and i truly believe that the both of us can get to where we need to be in our lives. We just need to ride out the waves for now.

@In reply to @MDT,@outlander,since I've succumb to a life where nothing went right,and fell in the darkness of depression and the chaos of anxiety in my head, I shut off from the world and the world shut me out because of the shame of having mental illness.
As mentioned,the reaction I had to a antidepressant in 2013,which I took for only three days made my condition worse for a long time eg:it was like someone stuck a stick of dynamite up my nervous system,and couldn't see anyone because it caused facial ticks,muscle spasms,and I could vocalize syllables for hours.It was embarrassing condition.One thing I have felt like and violated is how you can feel like can guinea pig for these professionals.Im worried how I'm going to control my social depression and control myself with triggers.I have shut out relatives who ,and siblings I avoid who will come into this supermarket.
If I get this job @outlander,I have to try and cover up my mental illness which will be extremely hard eg:,if I have to serve people I know,or ask questions,stare at me,deal with those who have done wrong by me in my life from bullies,those who I left work for in 2012 because I was bullied a day before my 40th.I can't tell you the hatred I have in me which counseling never helped.When I got sick,I shut the gate,and had no sympathy from people only told to "suck it up"by one when I was vocalizing syllables which I was like someone with cerebral palsy.
My advice is to work on your recovery,f*** everyone else, because one thing I've learnt is I'm the most important person to look after.

Hopefully one day we will meet the right people.That is one thing that made me sick,seen a side to human nature I didn't like and had to ride out "storms"as a result.

Hi @outlander, I am up, will sit with you hun

Most welcome hun

@outlander