when is it time for hospital

@outlanderI am here for you tonight just like you were there for me last night and today.

I am going to sit with you as long as you need me and its my turn to wrap my arms around you

Thank you @Former-Member I really appreciate it

thank you @Sans911
ill take a look and hopefully itll help as well. Ive been trying really hard to just let my situation lie and know that things will change and I think ive been getting better with it as I dont react as much or I leave and go out an do something else but when things happen and things are said as they have been today I dont really know what to feel. That sort of thing really gets to me ad I dont know how to stop that. Maybe its empathy, over sensitivity or something but I know I need to learn to manage with what I have its just so damn hard!

There are a lot of threads I cant be on either. Ive rarely left my own threads for the past week or so because I cant handle much at all. A massive trigger for me that I couldnt figure out before but I have now and that the feelings of hopelessness. I guess we all get that way thats why I feel like I cant even leave my own threads all too often. Yours and a few others I can handle esp if its lighthearter or positive or experinces. I love hearing about you, it gets me out of my own head. I really havent know you for too long but I feel like ive known you forever too.
I have learnt to distance msyelf when things get too much aswell. Ive also learn to step back when my advice isnt as good as others but like you I dont like to leave unless I know they are supported by at least another member. I got myself into trouble a few times because I over stepped boundaries or ive continued on a thread and its disstressed me that much I couldnt help them or myself so that was a valuable lesson and I dont know all my limits and I still get caught out quite a lot but I can generally just take that step back as well.

I love you loads, I never knew love until I came here and this is real stuff. Its not the little weird feelings. Its a true friendships and caring towards another person. I dont have that with many. I have about 5 people here, others im sure will add to the list but your on that list and it takes a lot to be there as well. A lot of trust goes into it.
And no you stepping away does nothing to me- as in doesnt make me sad ect it makes me prouder of you because you know your limits and its your way of keeping yourself safe and we all need to learn that and learn our own limits.

I can go out to study yes but I still need to curb the bordom. The course finishes on monday coming and after that im taking a break. Its too much right now and I need to use the time to breathe and think and just 'be'

im not neglected here. Not in the slighest way and im forever grateful for the family I have here.
Tonight will be tough and tomorrow morning. My appointment is at 10am nsw time I know your in WA tims and 3..? hrs behind at the moment but you ar with me in spirit. I have a feeling the room is going to be crowded with spirits 😉

Yes, let guiding spirits be your support @outlander

Good Luck in the morning.

SH is sometimes almost a reflex and so it takes patience and genleness with yourself to stop it. It took me a few years to be able to be deliberate SH free, but IT IS definitely in the past for me. Like any deep habit or feeling it takes time to change.

I feel a lot for you in this situation as I was in a similar one but it was 40 years ago.

Try and be wise with your money. It is so much harder when you are young. You dont need to use it to entertain your sisters. Mother should foot that bill entirely, and as they arent particularly grateful, they do not deserve it. Think that you are doing them and other people a favour by not enabling them to misuse people. You cant buy their good behaviour. They know they get away with stuff.

Your money is for you to establish your life. A hotel might give quick relief, but its expensive and I have a feeling something more permanent is needed. I might be wrong. With a couple weeks off work you might be able to work out a plan that is viable whilst finishing up your studies. COngrats on grades btw. Yes they are not the be all and end all .. so just get stuff done and forgive yourself for not being perfect.

The old 3 steps fwd and one step bwd ,,, but stlll progress your life and your goals.

@outlander my thoughts will be with you tonight and tomorrow. I like the idea of guiding spirits being there with you my friend.

thank you @Queenie i just want this all to be over. to be BCC free and be able to move on from this

how are you?

and yes my forum family are my guiding spirits and your in there too 🙂

thank you @Appleblossom

the forums are my guiding spirits and I am very grateful!

I was SH free for 3 months. Its a bad habit one thats been around for about a yr now when things got really bad. I was on a good role too but yes I think your right it sometimes is a reflex and takes a lot of patience. Im my worst own critic and I know that. Its good to know that others have been through sh and dont do it at all now. That gives hope and light to those who struggle to see it themselves myself included.

Im terrified Apple. I really am I really want this all to be over but I have to get rhough surgury and then wait for more results to come through and hope and really bloody hope its all over after that.

Ive actually very money wise. I had a heap of savings but when im not doing both works I do loose quite a bit. The first job hold me up while the second one lets me save more and all my savings are pretty much gone now. My mother wont compensate me at all, I already know this because they will say ' you didnt have to' but I cant have seen a 6 yr old sitting at home doing nothing for a week I had to amuse her somehow.

Its sad Apple because they dont speak to anyone else the way they speak to me. They are really 'nice' to other people and everyone loves them. Not me. The conversation about not being a good person earlier is just one example. Ive learnt o ignore and let some things slide so no arguments are initiated but when things like that are said I dont know how to feel. It makes me frstrated and angry but above all upset because it really just confirms how I really feel about myself and this is something I have to change and its the hardest mission of all

no I need a permanat solution your right but the hosue im living in is actually mine and pops and the others just live there till they find their own place. When they get their own house itll just be me and pop which is the hopes im holding onto which fade all the time.

I thought a few nights in a hotel might heelp just abit because kids are on school holidays and so far except for today I havent had a break from them at all. I havent been able to do the second job that gets me out of the house and I have no friends to just go hang out with either so im feeling extremely isolated, even in a house full of people.
Thanks but the grades really dont mean much its just a certificate of achievement. Just taster courses. Might look into a another certificate course (already have 1 certificate in medical terminology) just not yet ive got too many other things on and can hardly concentrate as it is. I mounted the gutter earlier today because im tired and cant concentrate so ended up going home