when is it time for hospital

Hi @outlander

I had to have a break from the computer but I am back

I know you want to give up and I understand that - the black box - fear of every corner - afraid to look - no hope anything can change

It is really rough - everyone uses you and the thing is that you let them because either you do whatever or you fight and then do whatever - you get told that you have things pretty good when you are being abused in so many ways - and used like a slave - and because this is how you have done things in the past that's all you know and I can see this so clearly

So - you feel as if you can hang on for three days - then what? I think it was Niqua who said a hotel is not the best place for you right now - yes - that's right AND I have a personal hatred of hospitals myself but I am pretty sure that now is the right time. I have seen your question on top of most of your posts for months now and stay here with you because it's not too hard for me - not too much for me - but I can see it is all too much for you

How long Outlander? How long can you do this? Three days and then what?

Now is the time to go to hospital - you don't want to destroy your sisters - I can see that and it is the best reason to go to hospital -

This is so hard for you and I could see this when you first mentioned that your mother was going away during the school holidays and leaving you with the kids - then you have the scare and the operation and now more surgery and it seems your mother couldn't care less

I asked you before and now I will ask again - what would your mother do if you were not there - eg - had not been born? She would have to work around the school holidays as I did - as most people do - to care for their children - and not mistreat one for her own selfish purposes

Now it's time to you to see a peep of light and to look out for yourself - the future will be different - you can't see it yet but things do change

And in no way are you being selfish

I care so much for you Outlander

Dec

The high five @outlander,in one way I'm not giving him much to go on.I don't want to talk,he respects my wishes I don't want therapy (4 yrs of it I regret),or drugs.Got a file at the other doctors surgery with the verbal diarhorrea of the mental health nurse who at the end of the day like anyone was more preoccupied with their ego and so called credentials shown through what he wrote about me.I think where @Sans911 is ,you can call "help", because it is based on respect,and self determination etc.Therapy is based on judgements and assumptions from my experience with you feeling like you are defending yourself through the challenge of your thoughts.It did me more harm than good,got me nowhere.But what do I know,can't get out of the circle I've been in for five years and it just keeps veering towards the cliff edge.

You are a great sister @outlander,I know one day they will realise it.

@Sans911
ok sis ill put it on the considering list but its really not something that I want to do. I dont want any more medical interventions. These past few weeks have been horrendous and its not over yet. Ive still got more to do yet and I dont know if I can handle it anymore. So ill consier it but its the last option. I guess your worried what would happen if I was in a hotel on my own.

@Former-Member

im not really coping now Niqua. I have to last 3 more days. Its going to take mum 2 days to drive back here. She leaves tomorrow and gets back on th 3rd sometime in the day. Im not ptting my sisters through that. I cant. I have to keep somesort of head on me to just manage these next few days.
Empty. Exhausted. Nothing.

@Former-Member
I dont know where else to get help from. The only other thing is to ring a helpline and I cant see them helping me. Im not going to hospital for at least the next 3 days. I cant.

@Owlunar
yep thats the box im in.

ill consider hospital but not yet. I need to last these 3 more days. I have to. After that I dont know. Surgury then more waiting for results and then no idea. Hopefully thats it if not itll be a third surgury or other form of treatment.
I knew this was going to be too much I already did, im just trying to see it as mum trusted me enough to leave the kids with me. Stupid I know but im hoping thatll be enough if I can hold onto that lifeline.

@Former-Member
therapy is suppose to help. So far the most thing that has been shoved onto me is my mistake. Then try and turn it around but it always gets brought back to that topic. Im not a great sister at all. I made them a hot breakfast this morning and they hardly touched it but when I made the brownies it went so quickly. The rest went into the bin. Wont be doing that anymore.

I dont know anymore. Im sick of being in pain. Im tired of all this fighting. Im sick of being sick. Defeated.

@Former-Member can you please change the name of this thread

think my head need to be in hospital. cant think. spinning

It's plain as the nose on your face that your really struggling right now, but you are coping Claire @outlander And if you think you can make the next 3 days, I know you will You have so much love, even while your suffering intensely, you are considering what hospital would do to your Sisters. So you have to keep your head on somehow - would distractions help, the games or a crossword? You let us know what pixels on this screen would help you, and know that we will do everything possible to put them there 🙂 I think I will start with a hug, gentle and long; after that I think I will sit beside you with my arm around you, and even maybe rock just a little 🙂

I'm having a really slow day, I think I'm a bit lucky to have a little forethought, like a heads-up - I know I'm going to spin a little after my excitement 🙂 I did get to the dishes done{which I must confess I didn't get to yesterday} and I've made the bed, but that's all I've got in me today. I might take the dogs for a walk in the local National Park - be a real rebel, break the rules 😄

Lots of love to you

Niqua

Hi @outlander

That's a good idea - to change the name of the thread - to maybe

"How do I best help myself?"

I am concerned for you - I understand what you are saying and why -

I will be going off-line soon - I have to go out for a while but I will have my phone to watch over you while I am out

Dec - the kind wise owl

I can only suggest this @outlander but I call Suicide call back service. I find them the most useful when I cannot contact SANE. Not sure if you have used them, what type of experience you have had with them, but I find them the best for me.

@Sans911, I hope you are getting the support you deserve there and whatever you choose will be think about you. Big hugs for you today 💗💗💗💗