when is it time for hospital

hey @outlander
it sounds like you took a stab in the dark and spoke up for yourself. Well done. That takes guts. It is especially hard when you have to deal with all that other stuff plagueing your mind all the time. Well done to you for having a go - even if it did get loud and yelling was the primary means of communication.
I have found that this works sometimes. It's usually after having put up with people's shite that I have to snap and have a go.
I hope that your family thinks about the impact they are having on you. Never EVER forget you have support on the forums here.
Sometimes we just have to stand up for ourselves and that's that. Nothing else can be done.
Your mum's bf sounds like a dingbat (no offence). You are only 20 and you are sorting stuff out which takes time.
I find that some of the things you speak about I can relate to a fair bit actually. Especially the feeling of having to be there for everyone else but no one here for you individually. That is the worst feeling.
I hope the rest of your day today is easier than the first part.
No need to apologise for the rant. Rants are fine in good measure.

@outlander My younger sister relies on me way too much. She should have her damn licence by now but mum is way too protective over her. More protective over her than she ever was for me. At least my dad sympathises with my case a bit... but then he has his own approach to lots of things. Often he forgets that what I deal with prevents me from actively pursuing my goals.. like he gives me great opportunities but i struggle immensely to take them and if i do (like last week) there is always the risk of butchering them.
Mum sometimes doesn't even think about what she says when I try to talk to her about my stuff.. she mouths platitudes that are basically meaningless drivel... about how I am in a period of transition between uni and work... about how I am managing better than I think i am (which could possibly be true idk..)
and my sister constantly nags me about silly mundane stuff then gets majorly offended when i dont listen.. she plays the victim a lot.
Whereas I am the one who bloody well went to hospital because i felt suicidal. I'm the one who feels like killing myself way too often. Whenever I try to talk about it with the 3 of them it's just met with rage and tears and then turns into a pathetic argument.
My resolution is to just get on with whatever I have to.
I'm lucky enough to have 2 or 3 supportive and understanding friends. But I can't burden them too much (Especially considering one of them has SH'd in the past and deals with depression).
I guess starting up group therapy was really good timing for me. But like you, I could only do it at the right time.
I purposely don't tell the group therapy about my SI (rules against it anyway) but they say dont come if you feel really bad. But then again I'm getting individual therapy anyway so group therapy isn't a substitute.
I agree with @Former-Member because of the model they use in hospital... I don't go to the hospital because they just think "oh yeh he is at uni and is working a bit so THEREFORE he is TOTALLY FINE BY COMPARISON" which infuriates me but then I understand that there are people who are worse off than I am.
I've only been in hospital once for 1 night because they didn't want me there. It didn't help being there.. but my SI still hangs about.

I suppose that's my rant haha. Sorry for taking up space on your own thread. MAybe I will copy paste this on my own so others can see it too.

Im in shite again
Am i ever going to break these barriers
Will i always be a slave 😞
I be quiet and im in the deep i speak up and it makes things worse
😞 sigh..

Spill your guts @outlander if necessary,meant to go for a walk but cats wanted to come in and it's windy and very cold.

@outlander vent away old friend if need be 🙂

I can understand in a way @outlander,with my own mother .My mother at times in arguments for years,made out to the world I was abusing her,even last week she will go on like I'm a bully.It contradicted and confused my inner thoughts because it went on for many years.At the end of the day I'm the one who was abused,made to feel guilty for wanting to go out at my age and like yesterday,being a critical of my efforts in the garden.Its a power over you that can be damaging if it goes on too long.
It's hard to find a balance, between your life and looking after your sisters.Admirable outlander,just question if it is healthy at your age from someone who was rearing her nieces at your age.