when is it time for hospital

@Former-Member well you dont dissapointment me either. Im glad you were able to find some respite even for a little while. Im hoping those books are good ones. What sort do you like? Genre i mean...

I told them i was working for a few hours and its paid. So im finishing here first before i do anything else. And no the house is relatively clean just the general duties ie vaccumming that needed to be done. It took me all if an hour to do all together as they went out and left me to do it.

Headaches got no idea.. had them since the accident so prob still lasting effects from that maybe...

Alone defeated worthless
@Zoe7

Yes! @Zoe7 that sums it up pretty damn well!

Ok @Zoe7 lets give it a go
Ill follow your lead

I feel like my present life is suffocating me,

but I can breathe when... when im out in nature or doing art.

No matter how I try to improve myself the underlying feeling I have is as a failure

but I have accomplish awards for study in... medical themed courses

I feel hopeless in being able to change anything when I am feeling like this.

but I am caring for...
Ummm not sure i understand this one.....?

@Zoe7

@outlander hey hun, sorry I've not been around for a bit, but I had a mh appointment, dinner and a couple of phone calls to take care of. It didn't mean I wasn't thinking about you. Looks like @Zoe7 is doing a great job at helping you.

I'm also sorry that the support services you rang didn't seem to help. Remember, they don't know you at all, so they have to resort to a usual patter. I rang one on Sunday night as I was struggling with SI and although I didn't say it out loud, I got quite fed up with her repetitive 'sounds like things are tough right now'. Not every person is going to connect with you. Previously, I've had really amazing support. It's the same with the community outreach service. I know now and so do they who works best with me and who doesn't.

Remember too you have a mental illness. And that it will fill your head with lies and negative thoughts. I'm in that space now, like so many here, where I feel totally defeated, worthless and hopeless. Everything is such a major effort, and do I really want to bother trying to get better or do I finish this suffering now. But I know there's a softer, gentler voice of reason that tells me you are worthwhile, you have been through this before and you were ok for a long time. Who says tommorrow, the next week, the next month, the next year won't be better. Instead of being hopeful, I remain curious to know what's in store. And yes, my hours and days are still difficult. My SI isn't going to magically disappear. It's my go to place when everything seems to much.i can go there in my head, I can feel the pressure of the pain bearing though my chest, but I don't have to go to the next step.

At some point you will need to find a path to walk with your mother. I realise your vulnerable right now, but she needs to know how much she is hurting you. You probably need professional help with this. I've not been in your situation, so like others it's difficult to give advice. Like you said, it's given from my own experiences. But I've got a good perspective of your life and personality from your posts. All I can say is keep going. We can get through these times together.