when is it time for hospital

@Former-Member yes im sure i stink

ive gotten some strange looks from people in the shops after id finished and needed to quickly grab something

Stuff people outlander,but yeh the smell of gidgee is strong ,can go through clothes,no matter how you wash them.But you probably have the best job being with horses more than people.

im use to it @Former-Member i dont care anymore

atm i dont want to be around them at all esp mine

DEPRESSION SUCKS!

its taken away everything

i hardley like horses anymore. i thought this new horse would help me but i literally went there today, got her in changed rugs-making sure she doesnt bit me again, waited in the car then left. thats not like me. i know it was windy but i usually sit on the chair next to feed yards or sit on the floor while she eats. i havent made a connection with her for a few days now

what the heck is wrong with me- its not her fault.

Understand completely,last week on my walk in the bush ,a bloke pulled up to talk didn't know who he was, boyfriend of someone I worked with who is a big mouth gossip.I quickly worked him out to be a good match as he referred to my mental state which for someone I don't know I was p***** off,as knew I was gossiped about.Today I was driving up there and he was driving the opposite direction,he smiled and stopped thinking I was going to stop for a yarn....I kept driving.I thought f*** you! Don't have to talk to you as what you don't know you make up.I laughed,just didn't feel like anyone's s*** today and like being in my own world if they are negative people.Understand.I don't care if they think I'm strange,think what they like but don't put it in my face, that's what I think outlander.

i dont know what to do anymore @Former-Member

if i sell up, ill regret it

but i dont know if i can keep doing something that has lost its spark

or maybe its jsut me- may as well be

everything else is my fault

Outlander

Depression and anxiety takes away your enjoyment of life.At times I have been distant from my animals because of my frustrations.At the moment the horse is stress for you.I have seen many levels of depression and anxiety,from going for a walk finding myself "numb"standing like a statue,severe distress,to psychotic depression or someone with a g** to my head and telling me I am nothing etc.

I sold up,and made my life worse,no reason to get out of bed,and nothing to do, problems worse,and I did it knowing I regret and I do because my heart is still at the farm and it will be the same for you.

Just keep persevering,it's hard to overcome,the mind is powerful but keeping busy is the best medicine besides making sure you get enough rest.If you can overcome how you go to bed at night without getting stressed,it would help.Cut yourself some slack.

i am keeping busy though @Former-Member im worn out.

i cant control anything anymore

ive overcome with depression and if it keeps going ill end up back in hospital. i cant handle it and i cant be the only one trying to change things.

i dont know what else im suppose to do

yeah night times are the worst and guess what my daily dose of high anxiety ahs already hit.

i see my psychiatrist tomorrow morning and its set my anxiety off, pure embarrassment, uncertainty and yet again my paranoia is back