when is it time for hospital

Hi @outlander

I have been reading your posts - and feel a lot for you going through so much

What happened when you got sick - I think you had a flash-back - it sounds like it - I have had them - but not since I saw a therapist - time can pass and it can move back into a more easily dealt with dimensions

I am just taking it quietly atm

Dec

missing you @eth

hugs @Owlunar i just finished writing a post to you on my other thread

ive had a right time of it the past few days though i havent really elaborted on much.

i feel like ive been shoved into a corner yet again and it feels to dangerous to do or say anything atm.

but these new tablets are not helping me they are actually giving me nightmares so im not rested- never have been- but this is making it worse. ive bene ahving alot of flashbacks, and grieving issues.

ive also been given the news that my new horse may not ever be sound enough to ride 😞 its so hard to hear considering ive already made that bond with her. ive gotta get a body worker out and a vet and i hope the news doesnt go south from there. if it does ill have to make th choice to either let her be avery expensive paddock ornament and forking out alot of money to keep her well- more than a new sound horse would cost me to buy and keep or to give her back 😞

ive also been very greatly triggered today. ive been emeotionally supporting a friend of mine whose mum has cancer, ive been through what shes going through and im trying to help her the best she can. im just not sure how i cna help. i have the life experience there but i dont know how to take those experineces and give some good advice. i feel like a total idiot.

ive managed to get my second job back now.

so mondays going to wear me down quickly.

monday morning i have 2 hoours paddock cleaning with one lady, then another hour with another person, then another 2 hours with another person so thats 5 hours paddock cleaning, then ive gotta scoot over to another job whihc is the holiday care which will take me another hour and i have to do my own horse as well. i dont mind atm, i think i need it.

im panicking that im going backwards.

no im panicking becasue i am going backwards. already!

Hi outlander and everyone else,

Hope you are okay outlander,did go to the doctor to check in,asked for v***** script ,which I was prescribed two years ago and ripped the script up,said I may or may not use it.Realise I'm a hypocrite telling you to spill your guts,I didn't want to get into my probs,didn't want to go out in the waiting room distressed,as I know that makes me feel worse.The doctor doesn't pressure me he knows I've been through counseling and he believes it's good just to check in with him.As stated, because I have been through it,don't want to talk about my problems as no one can help.My blood pressure is up due to my anxiety and not coping,I know tonight because I have soreness behind the eyes.Going to have a x-ray on my left foot Monday ,as I told him I get down as when I go for a walk I have to stop constantly.Bit worried,as I have rhumatoid arthritis in both and a spur on each heel and a spur on top of the join on the left foot.Im on anti inflammatories but know there's a bigger problem.Hope whatever wrong this afternoon,you are okay.🌹

Just read your post,I know it's hard outlander but consider giving the horse back,it's costly,and I know it's hard but it wasn't part of the deal.My niece has been given horses and they have had something wrong.I know it's cost you money but it sounds like the horse will cost you a lot more.

Wow @outlander

That's tough about your horse - and a very hard decision - a lot depends on the health of a big animal like a horse and it would be immensely expensive

And you have a lot of work on Monday - yes - you are a busy person and don't have time to do the house-work at home - that won't be easy I know - but if you had a regular job in a shop or office somewhere you would not be able to do your mother's work

MMmnnnnn - hard stuff

And your friend whose mother has cancer - I think your nan had that - it is really hard to handle that

Dec

@Former-Member im glad you got to the drs. it sounds like he does care alot and has your best interests at heart.

no im not really ok, im going backwards. i know i am and i feel i am but how am i suppose to go forwards when i seem to be the only one changing. i knew this wasnt going to last. i friggin knew it!

im going to get the vet to check her first, if she can be fixed without me selling a few body organs then ill be happy to keep her but if shes going to be a very expensive paddock ornament i wont be. ive got 5 months left on the lease. ive got until then to work everything out

@Owlunar ive got 5 months left on the lease, ive got until then to work out the horse problem. i just hope itll be good news not bad. i hate when things like that happen and you know what, i havent had a good horse for years and years. ive always had the strays that needed fixing but i couldnt keep them or they try to destroy me like the last horse i owned who decide a neck injury would be a great deal to life and hey why your at it aim for me while going crazy so not many people can get near me.

honestly i dont know why im still here, alive or still with horses.

my nan had cancer yes, very aggressive cancer. i use to drive my nan and pop to all the appointments and back, even after watching her get treatment. it got to the stage she was getting to sick and decide to switch to radiation treatment. she had end stage COPD, with pretty much only one lung, nearly no vision, hard of hearing, bronchitis and asthma as well as the cancer. it sucks @Owlunar i wouldnt wish anyone to go through that nor families to have to watch their loved one try to give it their all to know in the end it wasnt working and only had limited time to live. it was hard for me to walk around knowing that within the next few weeks after my nan had given up treatments that she wasnt going to be here anymore. she could even lie down, she had to be seated upright, even alseep becasue she couldnt breathe otherwise, home oxygen 24/7. theres 10 levels of air flow through the machines and she was on 8, she needed to go higher but couldnt not for only the weak lung she had left.

its not nice at all and it haunts me every single day that happened to her. and there wasnt a thing anyone couldve done to help her.

so no im not ok. not at all but i have to be