when is it time for hospital

I know it's a lot to digest @outlander Want you to know there are options in the real world for you, not just the wonderful support here.

i want to leave i really do, i know my mother is planning on moving out.. stil.... its taking forever. @eth

i was thinking about moving out but theres something i thnk will happen if i move out and eventually my mother moves out and pops left in his own house. he has a 3 bedroom house and has lived here for over 45 yrs, and since there is only him here, housing will move him out and tht i couldnt let happen. hes been here for way to long and this is where he and my nan spent most of their lives together. it would break his heart to leave here so im trying not to let that happen. i want out i really want it but i dont want that to happen to him. if i at least had a timeline for my mother getting out it would be helpful. even if i moved out for a year or kept getting away as much as possible for a year and then having that massive relief when they move out, but at this point i dont have a clue.

my pop and the work i do with/for my pop isnt my concern- it is- but not overly bad/takingup my whole life etc sort of thing. whats taking up my whole life is taking care of kids who arent even mine. i mean id get it if they were actaully mine but they arent.

and im well aware of how they feel about me. they hate me and use me jsut as much as my mother does but if i dont do the things they want then i feel like im not doing a good enough job. im already failing in life in every aspect i dont really want to make things worse.

and yes im 20- i never thought being 20 would turn out like this. i mean i know ive got to work, and i might still be living with mum and/or pop but the rest.....

i dont want to have to cancel everything over two weeks- if i do that then itll be cancelling 4 drs appointments, 2 psych appointments and a possible psychiartist appointment so 7 appointments. i always try to make appointments over 2 days so that it doesnt take up my whole week.

i was going to ask mum if she could take those 2 days her off days or at least request it, her boss seems to be pretty flexible. its so frustating becasue its not the kids fault but my god how many hours do i need to spend with them. im lucky to get an hour to myslef in a day and thats pretty much when i see D. and yet again today i wont have that much time. ill have to do her this morning then rush out to do the other horses and wait for the vet. so while im waiting i can do the pony- feed, water and clean out his paddock. and i can feed, water and clean up the sick horses paddock while im waiting on the vet to come and see her and then i can do the other 2 horses out in the bigger paddock.

Yes am on holidays now @outlander. In Seoul. Foreign place where people hardly speak English but it's enjoyable "getting lost". Having time to yourself to just venture on your own. Explore you know....I feel bad saying this giving what you going through. I really wish you could be here venturing out. It's really unfair what your mum is doing to you. What happen to your car?

Hi @outlander

Yes - you do need a time-line from your mother - but I can't see her giving you that

I have read some of your posts - about your middle-sister stuffing up your little sister's clothes etc - and that is just plain bitchy

Pick your favourite work - caring for your pop and your horses and whatever you get paid for - and skimp on the rest - I get it that the kids aren't your kids and what fun having them full time for school holidays (not)

Somewhere I read in one of your posts that your mother doesn't want to do anything when she gets home from work or weekends - and wants a holiday - I know you know she's using you - it's the bl^^dy pits really

Sending virtual hugs

Dec

Oh hellsbells @outlander

Your mother can have a holiday from her kids but not you - I think I did read that

You have to do what you feel okay about but that is the time you YOU need off - after all - they are her bl^^dy kids - cripes

I know about middle-sis thinking it's all about her - my sis is the same and she's getting over the hill - past flexibility - what ever - but when we were kids I was saddled with her - no horse though - and I was always in the wrong - either I wasn't responsible in keeping her out of trouble or a bully because I stopped her - I understand you situation with them

Your mother really is a number - boy!!

Dec

Sorry I disappeared this morning @outlander. My computer has been playing up today. Sorry to hear about your car but glad to hear you have something to look forward to (even if the timing is indefinite) at home. I would not be able to be that patient with that situation myself.

@eth i really dont know how im being patient either- probably because im use to it but its not what i want, more jsut force of habit now.

i have managed tog et my car driveable now. not fully fixed but enough for me to get to my appointments until i get my loan to get it fully fixed properly