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Focussing on the positives-

DeterminedSenior Contributor29 May 2017, 6:12 am AEST

Focussing on the positives-

@Former-Member @soul @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 + everyone

I don't for a minute think that I am alone here but the last couple of weeks have been particularly difficult for our family with my darling quite unwell and going back into hospital for the third time in the last 6 months. I have not coped with this well at all, along with one of our children in particular, with additional unnecessary challenges added to the mix only making things worse. (The support here has been a significant help for that I am very grateful).

What I am aware of is that, while it helps to talk things through, far better to talk about things than to internalise them, it is very easy for me to get unnecessarily angry and bitter about our situation and dwell on things too much creating a downward spiral in my coping ability. It also affects my sleep.

To counter this I am making a commitment to find at least 1 positive thing that has happened and at least 1 thing to be grateful for each day and post it here. And if I can manage it, at least 1 thing that has made me laugh. (Posting it here as a form of accountability to make sure I actually do it 🙂

I had a glimmer of light on Saturday by consciously listng things to be grateful for but slipped back into the sulks on Sunday (no negatives in this thread so no explanation as to why here). So based on this I am making a commitment to consiously note these things each day.... please feel free to call me out if I dont 🙂 that woud be huge help 🙂

Something postiive that has happened today.
Something to be grateful for today.
If I can manage it- somthing that made me laugh today.

374 replies

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In response to: Focussing on the positives-

DeterminedSenior Contributor20 June 2017, 8:40 am AEST

Re: Focussing on the positives-

Well that makes 100% strike rate...

Got the standard pre-assessment phone call (much earlier than usual) to say how depressed we are and don't want to be here.

I was going to turn the phone off but decided to put it on do-not-disturb instead and turn it off closer to time. Just checked and noticed numerous missed phone calls (she started calling right after I left home) so I called back out of my own anxiety. What to do? If the phone was turned off I would be worrying anyway if everything was ok... due to the quantity of missed calls I had to return the call or I would be anxious anyway... (out of concern for safety) I should have just had the phone turned off, told my darling that it would be turned off and have an alternative in place for her to call in an emergency and have arranged someone to pickup the children for school....

What I would like to understand is dose she consciously do this because she resents me doing something for myself or is it subconscious and what is causing the subconscious to do this ??? Does she not understand or just not care about the impact she is having on me???

This will be an upcoming boundaries discussion in coming weeks and before my next semester of studies begins.

In response to: Re: Focussing on the positives-

soulSenior Contributor20 June 2017, 9:35 am AEST

Re: Focussing on the positives-

Well, that's consistency for ya @Determined. You're not going to be able to do much about it now so the best thing is for you to put it away and focus on that exam. Deep breaths. Don't stress about your Darling's motives or about what you should have done.

Have you planned some self care for making it through the semester in spite of all the drama that you have been through??

In response to: Re: Focussing on the positives-

DeterminedSenior Contributor20 June 2017, 10:02 am AEST

Re: Focussing on the positives-

Booking another remedial massage for next week @soul and starting my chiropractic treatment plan that I was supposed to start at the beginning of this semester. lots of walks and bike riding by myself.

If the wind dies down some trips out in the boat with the boys.

In response to: Re: Focussing on the positives-

soulSenior Contributor20 June 2017, 10:30 am AEST

Re: Focussing on the positives-

Very good to know that @Determined

In response to: Focussing on the positives-

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor20 June 2017, 10:58 am AEST

Re: Focussing on the positives-

Yeah .... sucky @Determined ..... I get different versions of this, often when I am really busy, the "can't we just take two minutes to sort this out now ??!!" when it
is something that is going to leave me angry, distracted and upset for hours. Or pretending to be okay and approving of something I am setting up to do, then letting me know as I walk out the door that it's not okay with him ...... :face_with_rolling_eyes:😣

It's internal boundaries that are important too .... and recognising abuse has been the key for me ...., being able to say to myself "nope, that's abusive and I don't have to be bound by it ..... and trying to reason and discuss is futile because the objective is not to find common ground and agreement, it's to be disruptive and upsetting ...."

I hope this helps.

In response to: Re: Focussing on the positives-

DeterminedSenior Contributor20 June 2017, 3:01 pm AEST

Re: Focussing on the positives-

Something positive for today

Final exam done for the semester, that was a gift. Can't believe how easy it was. I am now confident of getting the 30/40 I was hoping for in order to maintain my GPA. Having said that I was also confident about the last exam and stuffed it up. Just have to wait and see.

Have to wait another 3 weeks before grades are released 😐

In response to: Re: Focussing on the positives-

soulSenior Contributor20 June 2017, 3:48 pm AEST

Re: Focussing on the positives-

Says @Determined

In response to: Re: Focussing on the positives-

DeterminedSenior Contributor20 June 2017, 5:19 pm AEST

Re: Focussing on the positives-

lol @soul ... heres hoping 😉

In response to: Re: Focussing on the positives-

DeterminedSenior Contributor20 June 2017, 5:22 pm AEST

Re: Focussing on the positives-

Another positive for today

My darling seems to be over her sulk from this morning. I honestly think the problem this morning was that I was off doing my own thing. There will be a few changes next semester.

In response to: Re: Focussing on the positives-

DeterminedSenior Contributor20 June 2017, 5:34 pm AEST

Re: Focussing on the positives-

Spoke too soon lol (its either laugh or cry... laugh seems like the more positive option)

Guessing its not a good time for I told you so or anything equalivent 🤔

Funny thing is is it was only last night she gave me a spray about not wanting her to come home. Today she proves I was accurate in my forecast. It was around this time (1 week post discharge) that the $#!÷ hit the fan.

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