Horrendous anxiety flare up

I've only heard the "sook" word from Aussies, not in my family, much more proper.I swore a bit as a teenager but cleaned up my language when at work interviewing, and rarely swear now. My mother made a federal case out of my brother's swearing and I wonder if he might have survived if she had gotten off his case and her pedestal ..

I dont mind creative use of any expression but am sick of expletives as an excuse for venting agro with nothing else to back it up .. I have chronic pain and it goes shudder right through me ...

Feet are good but I have to break them in gently to walking again .. already got blisters .. hows that I am going to lose my licence and still have to pay out just to keep car viable on the off chance son will get his act together .. ah well .. "such is life" .. now thats an Oz classic

Hiya,

I don't swear lol alawys look around me for someone listening if i do haha! Still think i'll get into trouble LOL! But I havent got any problems with anyone else swearing 😄 I think it's completely appropriate at times and we're all different. A funny thing i had happen to me as a teacher. There was a little boy in prep out the front of my classroom one morning (I had big kids that year) and I asked if he needed any help and he said he didnt know where his class was. I said I'll walk you to the junior primary building and picked up his bag for him. It was really heavy and I said to him wow this is a heavy bag, whats in here? he said "I dont know what the F my mum puts in it' I so wanted to burst out laughing haha! I didnt even comment on the word he used just chatted about if he liked school (was first week). It was obviously just a word that was a part of his vocabulary.

LJ

and it went quite a bit better than the first. She seems to have a good sense of where I am at and has both picked up the pace and her game, so I reckon the first one she was still just feeling me out.

I have homework before my next session to come up with a list of qualities that I value in myself, and also to start working on shifting my self talk away from being very negative and abusive to something more supportive (or at least neutral!). Before I can start that I need to come up with some reframes that I find palatable, as all of her examle were laughably insipid and twee and cheesey to me - I have to find a happy medium so my transition is still reflective of ME and things that I would say if I was being supportive instead of mean - more like how would talk to a friend.

She also told me I am "definitely" on the autism spectrum (not exactly a shocker) and that is a contributing factor for why I find social situatons so exhausting and stressful.

I am to try to be kinder and more forgiving of myself and more appreciative of the way I have overcome many different adversities to get where I am today and to not have such impossibly high expectations of myself. All of which makes sense, and if a bit alien to me, well that is sort of the point.

This is an interesting one because my ENTIRE life I have always been told I have SO MUCH POTENTIAL and if I would only apply myself, or try harder, or focus or stick to something or whatever.... I hadn't realised how much pressure that put on me, or how much I had internalised that pressure into a sense of never being good enough. I first started to shift my attitude on this three years ago when in a discussion with a colleague we were talking about how I was always signing up for and dropping out of courses, and how I felt like I needed SOME kind of offical educational piece of paper to prove I was worthy, and was currently loathing the latest course I was trying this with. Joking he said , "well why don't you just give up on getting th piece of paper?" and I realised it had NEVER occurred to methat quitting this quest was an option, that being worthy without a formal education was an option. He was slightly horrified that his offhand comment was a catalyst for me indeed quitting, but never realised that he was also the catalyst for me first contemplating the idea that I might actually have worth without a piece of paper to back me up.

Glad that your current "professional" is trying.

I had exactly the same problem when in my 20s and I was trying positive affirmations .. in the end I gave them up as a bad joke tho I got the theory .. it is really only the last 5 years or so that I have been able to have positive self talk about me so it has taken over 30 years to work that change.

Yes they have to be authentic to the person or they are just superficial claptrap.

Now when people are old fashioned and talking about their inner child, I am past that and claiming my "Inner Aussie". And how to do that without swearing ... as a kid I could never join any conversations cos I never knew the tv show or movie or band anyone was talking about .. but now I finally have "normal" access to internet (only 2 years) so know I am up to date enough. Cant stand mobile phones though.

I have been an eternal student .. but it wasnt so much getting the piece of paper. It was the long term regulated and positive structure that I craved and needed. Away from abuse and neglect .. As well as love of learning etc.But I was so dumb I didnt even know abuse or rape til I became a lil ole lady.

I am shocked about how bad my grammar and typos (non deliberate) are when I type on this site .. its like all those years of uni training fly out the window .. me confuse there for their! .. I could be ocd about writing ... hmmm its good cos it show I am relaxing my hypervigilance.

I may still go back to formal education and do a masters. Part of me is so pissed off with a materialistic collector I used to know .. legitimising the existence of useless physical items ..my inner idealist (Hegelian) has been quipping about increasing my collection of pgrad dips .. (tho none hang on my walls) there are about 5 pgrad dips I would love to do .. just for the heck of it ..so there's a reason to live.

Maybe I have finally found some friends tho .. on and offline. I cant believe how nice the people in my new choir are .. they are uptodate and well educated and well connected ..

I have a regular relationship now with a guy that works in the same organisation that the fat frumpy lady child shrink that I bitched about in a post to @Jacques and @hiddenite. Beter than a dirty flirty moment.

I sent an email last night to the choir president about putting our event up for the Suicide Prevention as its around the SEPT 10 RUOK day.They are taking me seriously .. fat frumpy bitch called me a catastrophiser .. she doesnt have a bloody clue. I have some self respect. I am cool in a crises man .. its the day to day that does my head in .. .. and I even understand greek roo t/s and spelling.Its crises for plural. Is that natural justice?

Hey chook mojo ... do you think I have passed the genuine Aussie test? Can you be my examiner pretty please. Picture me Jumping up and down... as desperate exam addict.

I WORKED BLOODY HARD at dumbing down my language so I kud fit in and not get "in trouble" with the local bogans .. and not be an aspie or schizoid or any other bloody name the doctors have in their precious hand book ..

I am more interested in the WHO organisations OCD .. I think we are being like John Howard and sucking up to the Americans a bit much and I know I am biased.

Ohh @Former-Member I went to see social worker yesterday to claim my siblings state ward files. She just phoned me cos she forgot the important professional questions.. which orphanages were they at .. so I told her.

She was really freaking out cos I did the right thing as usual .. and fronted up with the paperwork .. death certificates in order to legally apply for the files .. and there it was in officialese .. cause of death. hmmm .. dont tell me I bloody catastrophise ... a catastrophe is a noun .. to catastrophise is a bloody verb ... however I do know many people do carry on like pork chops .. and get all the help .. while I do all the bloody work ... I say give me something to get my knickers in a knot about. Bring it on.

I noticed the computer program accepts "bloody". However it will not accept the plural of the word roo..t. Even when I am talking etymology. What a joke. sorry mods ,... I do wove yoo. its just a job I know.

Have I passed @chookmojo ... please tell me what mark will you give me as a true blue. Be nice but honest.

Hey @chookmojo

I was so glad to read that today went well.

Coming up with new 'self talk' can be tricky, because it can seem so cheesy! Maybe cheesy will work? At least you'll have a laugh when you think of them 🙂

One of my common fall backs when my brain is full of negativety towards myself is 'you're okay'. In different situations it means different things - it could mean that I'm safe, it could mean that I'm an okay person, it could mean that I'm physically okay - I just find it grounding and helps me get out of my head. So don't feel as if your self talk has to be "YOU ARE AMAZING!" (though if that works for you - go for it!)

I like how you are looking at it though - thinking about how you would talk to a friend. I might try that myself 🙂

Thanks for sharing your experience. It sounds like you had a really productive day. I'd love to hear how you go with your homework, if you're willing to share.

Sorry about the rant @chookmojo Didnt realise how long it was and way offff topic.

Hi @chookmojo

Thats awesome that this visit went well. I totally get that pressure of 'having to be something becuase everyone says you can be'. I sometimes feel that people discount how im feeling because they say im smart enough to figuire it out.. or come on you're so bright you know what you should be doiing kind of thing! DOH!!

@Appleblossom thats great that you are keeping up with all that! What are you hoping for by getting the records? for more information or closure? Did the social worker not expect you to turn up??

LJ