FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Our stories

Grief & loss - may be triggering

Grief & loss - may be triggering

@ lapses
Early last year 2016 my Dad died after a long painful illness (cancer), which he had been fighting for 6 years.

He survived that long only because of continuous treatments, otherwise he would have been gone in 6 months (they said).

My relationship with him had been somewhat distant at times - due my living in a different state from my entire family for the past 22 years.

Also due to my tumultuous upbringing & family background - which is why I could not stay in the city where I grew up, & chose to live here (3000 kilometres away) instead.

Also wanting to start anew 22 years ago, with needs for greater independence.

Yet those hopes to start a family of my own have never been realized. My marriage ended abruptly, & took my cherished plans & hopes for the future with it.

Then I was confronted with the memories of my SA only 3 months after the end of my marriage - which again turned my life upside-down. My gender identity was shaken, & I no longer felt secure with the sense of identity that I once had.

Followed by a severe health emergency - with 2 emergency bowel surgeries, a stoma & bag for 6 months.

Then a 3rd major bowel surgery to try to put things back together. I almost died twice in hospital they told me.

My siblings & I had found Dad to be emotionally distant & scary right into our adult lives - yet in the last few years we found him to be a kind, intelligent & very caring man. So it was so much harder to lose him.

Due to the stress of having to find a new job, having complex PTSD, & not coping well with the conditions of this occupation (carer) - I've been unable to effectively come to terms with my grief & loss.

It seems that my grief has been largely on hold for the past 14 months since Dad died. I don't feel in touch with it, despite my best efforts to.

I see a psychologist, yet we've been unable to do grief work, or help me to come to terms with the loss of my Dad.

I've remembered very little about him in the past year, which makes it harder - as I have so few memories to draw upon.

Adge

596 replies

261 - 270 of 596
1...262728...60

In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

@AppleblossomEagles are amazing. I haven't been to the Zoo in years, I love zoos.

@Former-MemberI haven't used Skype much although it's a great idea. It's a psychologist I see, & it's a 40km round trip into the city to see her.


The grief study session is a 60km round trip. Both in one day. It's way too much driving.

Especially since my work is so far away, &and i drive clients a lot for work too.

My psych offered me a Skype session when she was off sick, but I couldn't remember my Skype account details to tell her how to - so we did a phone call session instead.

@lapses I went straight from the grief study session to the computer shop - it took me an hour to finalize the purchase. I got home without any break at 6pm & virtually collapsed.

Too much but I don't know how else I could have done it. Work gave me 2 long shifts today with virtually no notice, as they usually do. So today wouldn't have been possible.

Gee I'm almost collapsing (at work) writing this. I'm thinking of you all.

Adge

In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

The forum system just rejected my post, when there was nothing personal or identifyable in it.

Then it scrambled it up & added all those weird symbols to it.

I cannot edit or fix it from my phone.

Adge

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

@Adge

dont be concerned how your messages look

mine sometimes sound dreadful and I am sure that I dont talk like that ...possibly automatic script..correction..thingy...****

sometimes I add something in another box underneath as you did..most of us dont care about the presentation..the nuts and bolts of your message..the nitty gritty stuff is what it is all about

gosh your travelling...do you claim for your car expenses etc... your computer? on your tax?

it is not right that as an employee you have to do work that they require on your own computer at your own expense.

dont want to give you more headaches

hope that I didnt offend you re the grief session

take care

no need to respond from your phone

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Thanks @Former-Member I never used to claim travel expenses, or use of my own computer (& printing) on tax, but I do now. I started going to a tax agent, for the first time last year.

Work has still not approved my leave application (time off), after 3 weeks - then they tried to talk me into cancelling (because they've left it so late).

I called the union, a friend suggested it - then emailed the work manager (union said to) asking for a response within 24 hours.

Otherwise I've been unable to plan the break or book anything, & I'm worried about it. The union Rep said it's an occupational health & safety issue - since I haven't had anywhere near enough time off, over the past 6 years,

Sorry, I'm exhausted, goto go to bed. Good night everyone.

Adge

In response to: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Hi @Adge, and @Former-Member and @Appleblossom

Good on you Adge for standing up for your rights - about time! We got to or we get resentful and bitter and burn out

Also, don't worry about getting posts rejected, I had it all the time for a year, use to get real upset and cry for hours.

I can / you can edit posts from mobile phone, but you have to convert the display from 'mobile' to 'desktop' site. The way to do that is:
- go to saneforums home page
- when you scrol down youll see at the very top Rt of your screen are x3 dots in a line. Tap it and a tropdown window will appear.
- select 'Request Desktop Site' and wait for it to convert (usually quick)

My phone screen is small so its fiddly using desktop but manageable with practise. Good luck🍀

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

I am doing alright @Former-Member Thank you for checking on me.

Chugging along doing the things I do ... singing and the zoo

I also am writing up statements re abuse so in and out of difficult stuff .. tying it all up.

Had 3 people over tonight doing a singing session.

A bit worried about my boy though.

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Hello @Appleblossom

difficult times

did you want to talk about your son?

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

@Adge

Thanks @Former-Member Sorry, we crossed over in posting.

He is down, sleeping a lot and being docile. I have been putting down a few stipulations. I worry it is too little too late, but I have a lot of things in place, so I hope he will emerge fighting fit when he is ready.

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

The new computer drama continues.

Four days, several long visits to the shop (re-explaining what they promised to do & what I paid them to do - I practiced being assertive, yet it hasn't lead to a positive outcome.

I still have not seen or got to use the computer yet (after paying in full on Tuesday). I've rarely had to push so hard for something that was promised, & that was already paid for.

As the salesman agreed this afternoon, I paid them to copy things across (from the old computer) so that I would have to try to set it up & do it all myself.

Yet I am going to have to do that largely anyway, because their computer techie man either would not or could not do it.

On a positive note, I've finally had my work leave approved, after a long meeting yesterday to argue in favour of why I should have it - & a wait of nearly 4 weeks (since my leave application was submitted).

Adge

In response to: Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

Re: Grief & loss - may be triggering

@Adge

Its a bummer about the assertion thing not always getting results. I was looking at some notes on it last night and they warned ... but you might not get what you ask for ...

I bought a new laptop a couple of months ago and tried to do all the transfers myself ... then the bloomin thing just stopped ... my son and his dad mucked around with it a bit and it came half good ... so at least I have something .. but it is still clunky and slow .. so I think I brought a gremlin across ...

261 - 270 of 596
1...262728...60