Diary of wifes hospital stay - holding it together for our family

Good morning @Determined. Just back from my walks and can draw my full attention to your most recent messages. I find that I really need those long walks to clear my head. Nicer on the weekends when people aren't rushing to work and deliveries are being made by trucks here and there. I used to go earlier in the day but the sun doesn't rise until 6:30am now and Poochie doesn't think she should get out of bed before then. Your dog mustn't feel the cold too much if it is refusing to use a kennel. Mine is very pampered but deserves it for the companionship and comfort she gives me - never far from my side.

Problems just seem to be raining down on you. It must be truly worrying that S2 appears to be exhibiting some signs of mental illness. I think we all suffer from these problems at some stage in our lives depending on what is happening just as our bodies aren't always at their optimum form. Why should our heads be any different? I think it's only going to get worse as time marches on and we continue to lead the sort of hectic lives we do in a world gone literally mad. I realise that there have been difficult eras in the past but the complexity of life these days seems to be at an all time high.

The more I research the Buddhist way of life, the more I respect it. Although they subscribe to some aspects that I can't get my head around, their calmness and viewpoints are quite appealing. I've never been one for unorthodox lifestyles but I think they are on to something.

Anyway, back to S2. He is at an impressionable age and is desperately trying to make sense of things. He sees things he doesn't like and doesn't understand. He acts out because it fulfills a need. Often that need can be can be one of attention. What you do and say now is of paramount importance but you already know that. By what you have written here, I think you have gone about it in the right manner. A firm, honest approach. No sugar coating. Always keep that line of communication open especially when he becomes a teenager and you'll be lucky to get grunts out of him. Some kids go with the flow and let problems wash over them, some take them to heart and it affects them deeply. Sounds like S2 is rather sensitive and that is why he falls into the latter category. This morning he was reluctant to go to school. He could be embarrassed by his recent behaviour and wants to avoid any further drama especially as he has had some problems keeping his actions under control. If it gets to the stage he is suspended (hopefully not) he has achieved his objective of removing that problem from his life even if it is only temporary. The school knows of the issues at play so I hope they will come up with some constructive solutions and an effective behaviour management plan if need be.

I hope your counselling session is useful today. It will probably only scratch the surface of all that is troubling you at the moment. Chin up, march on and try to keep it together. You have our unfaltering support.

Hi @Faith-and-Hope@Determined@Former-Member, thanks for your insight on what is and isn't acceptable behaviour regarding mental illness. Often times the line seems to be blurred and that certainly was the case with me. I still have contact with my ex who believes that he will prove to me that he is a changed man and is worthy of having me in his life again (his words) This I have heard all this before. He has shown that he has problems with controlling his anger and is capable of violence. Being very far away from him means that I am safe. He tells me his life is back on track but I question how I could ever know that he won't become physically abusive again. We are not together so of course that means that he doesn't have the opportunity to take his frustrations out on me. We doesn't get abusive with random people who may well give him cause to be annoyed but has in the past assaulted family members.

He has told me that he has been to a psychiatrist sending me photos of the medical facility and the medication he has been prescribed. He also claims that he is attending counselling and a men's discussion group on non violent communication. I can only assume that he is taking his meds. He seems to have all the traits of BPD but his psych has told him that he doesn't because he wouldn't admit to it if he did (make sense ???) He has been prescribed medications before but gave up on them because of the side effects. He says he is persisting this time and has a couple of med changes. Tells me this current combination is working for him. Keeps saying he will prove to me that he has changed but I can't see how I can ever have the confidence of believing that to be the case.

He makes promises he breaks. Things he says he will do, lasts a day or two, maybe a week at most. He intended on keeping a diary so I could track his progress and send me regular updates - hasn't happened. I tried to facilitate his recovery by sending him articles and videos, making suggestions, asking him what he was doing and so on but there seems to be little feedback on whether he has taken any of this on board. I no longer do this as I have come to the realisation that he must be committed to his own recovery and my attempts at helping when they go unheeded only frustrate me.

Sometimes I feel it would be best to break off all contact and move on.

Morning @Determined @soul @Former-Member

My kids were strong minded individuals growing up, who tended to take the bit in their teeth ... but they had the example of that in their wider environment, and now with a read-out on S2 coming through from the pdoc, it's clear to see why .....

Rather that engaging full-on in power struggles, there were a couple of things I redirected to ....

One of these was educating them earlier about life issues than Inmight have otherwise in order to empower their own choices. You have to be careful not to stress them out with too adult a view of the world at too young an age, because they don't have an adult's life experience or mature reasoning skills to be able to balance out the fears that can come with knowledge.

Example - My in-law family were wanting to supply the kids a daily dose of junk food, and would walk in handing the kids chocolates and lollies. Their Dad had B*nge Eating Disorder and was out of control with junk food intake. Apart from trying to deflect the flow of junk food, it was clear I needed to educate the kids so they could self-regulate as well, as much as kids can ..... and that started by labelling junk food as "party food" .... not forbidden, just not for every day, and it will make you sick if you over-indulge. Then we looked progressively at the qualities of junk food, and dilution .... eating corn cobs and salad with heavily battered deep-fried chicken reduces the impact of just eating the chicken and chips.

Turning that to school attendance means explaining to S2 that he doesn't have a choice about when he can see the headmaster ..... but you can make a phone call to see if he is free ..... but meantime he needs to get ready to go to school, because you're not allowed to not have him schooled .... Its against the law. At school he might have the choice of going to see Chappy rather than going to class, but he is going to school, and the choices from there will be sorted once you're there.

I hope that helps.

Thinking of you all and sometimes it's nice to be remindered.....

Hello @Determined, @Faith-and-Hope, @soul, @Former-Member

You are amazing tooooo @Former-Member

You're going to have to change that display pic again @Determined. Apparently we are obsessed with positivity and we should just be neutral and see things how they really are. Hope your day has been alright.

http://www.sbs.com.au/topics/life/health/article/2017/05/30/stop-being-positive-and-just-cultivate-neutrality-existential-cool

How about this one?

@soul @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member

Well S2 decided to go to school after all this morning..... Wish he hadn't as I got another call from the teacher this afternoon.

Trying to remain calm and assume that in my current emotional state that I heard incorrectly or have taken her comment out of context but.... she actually asked... 'is he a bit stressed at the moment? I have never seen him this rude or defiant before'......

Ummm .... yeah.... he possibly could be a little stressed at the moment.

I wont be doing so many visits to see my darling in the coming week so hopeing spending more time with him may help him. He did mention tonight when we were talking it through that he doesn't see eniugh of me any more and would like to spend more time with me.