Diary of wifes hospital stay - holding it together for our family

Enough about me...

How are things holding up for you at the moment @soul, it is nice that yoh have had some time with your good friend and chiodren. Trust you are doing ok, think of you often but never know what to say when drowning in my own thoughts.

Have appreciated talking things through with you and others here. Will be nice to be able to helpn return when I get my act together

That's rotten about the phone reception @Determined Texting is quite inadequate but I suppose it's something. I remember taking up my first real job after uni a very long way from home before the days of Internet and mobile phones. I would go to the bank and get $20 worth of fifty cent pieces and ring my family on a Sunday night from a pay phone.

Will try and remember to get some of that tomorrow @soul

When I was still at school shrink put me on tryptophan from the health food shop, it was great but apparently can't get it any more. Should ask agai in case things have changed again.

Lol I remember the 50c pieces and the payphone, when i was first at uni long time ago now used to go down on a friday night to call home.

I'm just trying to accept life at the moment @Determined. I am learning not to expect too much. That way you don't get too disappointed.

If I think about the future, it gets a bit scary. I still have contact with my ex who is on meds and in therapy but because of the trauma and loss of trust, I cannot see a future there. He is persistent and I am glad he has made some positive changes in his life. It saddens me to think what might have been. The loneliness can be crippling. Mental illness is the pits as everyone on this forum knows but he also had some other very big attitude problems.

I live for my kids who increasingly have lives of their own. The rest of my family pretty much don't want to know me. I have been reluctant to reconnect with other friends as they don't know what happened and I don't want to answer questions. When I hear about their seemingly wonderful lives, it makes me sad.

I know I need to make some big decisions soon but for now it's putting one foot in front of the other. Maybe that's why I walk so much as that is something I can control and get enjoyment out of. Part of me wants to start afresh somewhere and if it wasn't for my children, I would in an instant.

Its a shame about your family @soul but good that you can connect with your children. I can relate to loving and living for your children. Being there for my children gives me much strength, they are still quite young though so I trust it can continue as they get older .

The loneliness must be hard for you, I know how lonely I get and I still have my family around me...

I trust you can find some clarity and confidence around the decisions you need to make.

I agree with you on thearapy @soul, the problem m I have with it is that I always seem to be on a different page as to where my problems lie. Current councillor thinks she is going to fix me in 6 visits lol.

I can second the change in attitude and acceptance, a work in progress for me so empathise with you there. If I find the magic answer I will be sure to pass it on.

I am fortunate that I can access a free service through the uni, the councillor on the local campus put me in the too hard basket and referred me to a comunity organisation that I can access free as a carer. Jury out on how successiful this will be. Previous councillor on local campus used to just look at goals and balance around caring and life in general, was most effective as the stress of caring is unlikley to go away.

I used to get my 6 subsidised visits and just pay the rest myself, glad I dont have to worry about that now.