14th year house bound

Hi My angel,

Wowyou do not muck around, do you? oh my gosh, i don't think i would have tackled the whole house like you have, i am so proud of you, even though sometimes you didn't want to you persevered and now you have done it.

Yes i am low this afternoon, i think sometimes, it is just the lack or over production of chemicals in our brains, we just have to manage our moods as best we can.

Yes i managed a walk this morning, i was feeling fantastic, so i went at 6am then went out and finished making a cover for our pool filter, i will have to wait a few more days to see if the aphid spray has worked, i have all my fingers crossed

Thank you so much my angel for thinking of me when you are feeling so low, that is so nice of you, my thoughts are with you too, i am so proud of you Karen, please look back at the progress you have made, take some pride in the fact you are fighting every day and now are going to make a beautiful home for your family.

Take care, be safe My angel

Jacques

Hi Jacques

I'm glad you managed a walk that was great.

I'm sorry you are low. I'm here if you need to talk or vent, you are not alone.

I think my mood is lack of sugar, only 1 v today.

I'm still really sore from yesterday and my wrist and elbow are giving me grief. How is your wrist j, please promise me that you will go to the GP if all is not well.

I'm having a day off tomorrow. I also have to take the girls to the psychologist, then I have an appointment with my psychiatrist. Busy day.

My friend I'm here for you.

You are not alone

Hi My angel,

Yes it was nice going for a walk after 1 week, i am really anxious at the moment, my hands are shaking so bad and i am sweating like you would not believe, i am so adgitated and angry this afternoon, it looks like we are both having a testing afternoon.

OMg Karen, you are so wonderful, 1V, no wonder you are down, it is your body craving sugar, don't let into it, try having some fruit to suppliment the sugar, try bananas, cherries, strawberries, or a fruit salad.

My wrist is comming good, thank god, still a little sore, but getting better every day.

Oh my Karen yes you do have a busy day, it is good you are taking a break, sometimes it is good eve nif it is forced, i hope all goes well for you and the girls tomorrow, i will have my fingers crossed.

Thank you my angel, it is just another day with MI, we just need to fight on.

Jacques

Hi Jacques

Sorry to bother you again, I'm just worried about you.

Have you worked on your breathing, it's time to slow it down. Count slowly to 5 as you inhale, exhale slowly counting to seven.....see how you go.

Use your senses

Sight

Smell

Touch

Taste

Hear

You can tell me if it helps what's in the room you are in.

Do something nice maybe a long hot shower....

Keep talking j I am here for you.

Karen

Hi Karen,

Sorry My angel, i am really bad tonight, i am almost in ears, thinking badly of SH, SI, i wish i didn't have to go on, i just want it all to stop, i have just had enough, i feel like breaking something, so much built up anger, how ca nthe day go from great to crap, my F***ing mind, why can't it just be normal, why can't the chemicals in the brain work properly,, why can't i be like everyone else?

Sorry Karen i know you are low too, if you want me to stop i will logoff and talk to you tomorrow.

life is so boring and monotonus, same thing day in, day out, is their any point to me existing? i contribute nothing, get nothing, have no one, i can't even speak to my own family....................

Well i suppose i go on with this horrible existance for another day, week, month, year

i am going to my safe place for a while, i am going to have a shower, see if that can make any difference.

Sorry My angel, sorry for you having to see me like this, and me not helping you.

Hi @Jacques

I'm sorry to hear that you're having a horrible night. I hope that taking some time out in your safe space gives you some relief - a shower is a great idea.

Please touch in with us to let us know that you're ok, or if you just want to talk. Please know that we are always here for you.

Remember, that you have felt like this before, and you have gotten through. These intense feeling will pass...

My thoughts are with you.

Hugs

CherryBomb

Jacques I'm glad you are going to your safe place, I hope it will help. What other things help when your feeling this way j.

Please don't go anywhere I am worried about you my friend. Do I need to remind you what a caring, thoughtful, kind person you are. You are always there for me, giving me gentle reminders why I need to fight. We fight another day even when we don't want to.

If you don't want to fight for you j, fight for your mum, for me and all the other people here who care for you deeply.

Jacques time to look after you, a hot water bottle and sleeping bag, listening to you favorite music, or a documentary, mandalas, do you have essential oils, put some on you wrist.

If none of that helps Jacques you know the numbers.

Lifeline 131114

Suicide line 1300 651 251

Suicide callback 1300 659 467

Men's line 1300 789 978

Jacques people care for you, reach out for help. I know you are unable to ring them, but they have wonderful help online as well.

I'm her Jacques

Take care and stay safe

Karen

Thank you Karen,

You are my Guardian Angel, i don't know if i could go on without you, please give your little ones a big hug and remember why you fight.

I am safe, i have to be here for mum, so i can't go yet, unfortunatly.

You are too good to me, you are a beautiful person Karen, thank you for your kindness.

i have some music on, but it is sad music, so not much help. I can't help listening to sad music, it is all i like.

Thank you My friend.

Jacques

Jacques I would like to challenge some of the negative thoughts.

J you have your mum, me, Appleblossom, Anne and many others that care about you here.

You are a very talented, gifted, intelligent, kind, thoughtful and creative man.

You are so special to your mum you bring her joy by being here and helping make her life a bit more easier. The garden, all the house renovations she could not do that without you.

Jacques you are an awesome friend and I trust you, you mean more to me than my family. You have cared when no one else has. You've accepted me without judgment, unconditionally, I am honoured that you take the time to speak with me.

Please stay safe

Karen

Thank you My Angel,

you are right, i know, just the dark stuff coming through, it is one of those days here i have had enough, i am so tired of fighting, i know you understand.

Karen i am so honoured that i mean more to you than your family, i feel so honoured to have earned your trust, things going through my mind tonight i can't talk about here, but i have spoken to the wonderful @CherryBomb whom is checkking up one me, to make sure i am safe.

I will not leave you tonight Karen, maybe another day, i have to do my duty for my mother.

Karen if you have seen how much pain and hurt i have caused my mother from not being normal you would cry, she is such a wonderful woman, i have ruined here mentally, emotionally and financially because i can not be normal, i can't be like most people in society, lets face it i am a 33 year old who is scared to leave his mothers side, that is pathetic, i don't know anyone my age whom is scared of leaving his/her mothers side. My past is always going to follow me around.

Karen don't let my struggles bring you down, i don't want you to have a terrible night because of me, if i become to much to deal with please let me know, i know you care for me, i will not take any offence. i promise.