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14th year house bound

14th year house bound

Hi Everyone,

I am new hear, after being removed from other mental health forums for my depressive thoughts i thought i would give this forum a try, this is my story.

I am 33 live with my mother, i am almost compeatly housebound, i leave my house once in the morning for a walk at 6am and maybe once during the week, both times i leave the house fill me with great anxiety, i have no friends, (the last friend i had was in 2001), i have never had a job, never had a girlfriend and never been able to leave my parents side, my father died in 2001 and i have always suffered seperation anxiety the last time i had a night away from home was 1994 for one night (parents had to pick me up at midnight because i was so frantic).

I have spent most of the past 14 years in my room, or the shed, never much out of the yard, no one in my town knows me, people stare and ask each other behind my back if any one knows who i am.

I have only had an income for the past year and spend the previous 7 with no income at all, mum had to use all of her life savings to allow me to live with her and she now has nothing.

I only want to live long enough to care for her in her old age and then i plan to take my own life, i knew from an early age my life would turn out like this, but had no idea how horrible it would be, every day is the same, i often wonder why i keep going, i have very little contact with family (maybe once a year) and i am really struggling to keep going.

Please don't feel distressed about what i am saying, and i am so sorry if i have offended anyone, it is just how i feel.

Their is so much more, but i will leave it at that for the moment, i am shaking and the anxiety is kicking in so thankyou for reading and i will add more later.

Jacques

2719 replies

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In response to: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Hi J

No we don't have a Nintendo or Wii

That's beyond my limited tech knowledge

But thanks.

I will try to increase the amount of water I drink. That's a great idea with the coke j but the mood swings are going to be bad. It's the first thing I reach for when I'm tired and have to keep going.

I will be working at the house tomorrow have to keep ripping up the carpet. It's a big job. The carpet is so heavy trying to get it out of the house.

Thanks for the great ideas

Karen

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Karen you made me laugh, it is "Nintendo Wii", the girls would know how to set it up, kids are so fast with technology.

Karen i was not telling you to quite, it is your choice, yes the mood swings will be bad for about a week, but you will find an improved mood after that. remember a sugar hit only lasts about an hour if that,

Karen when i removed carpet cut it into peices 2X2m easy to remove then, and much easier to work with, try not to tackle so much at once, even cut the carpet into 1/4 so it makes it easier.

Karen, i will be thinking of you tomorrow, i will be here if you need to talk, if you trigger talk to me or lifeline, i will have my fingers crossed all goes well. Don't push too hard, focus on why you bought the house, sit out on the pourch and look at the river, trees and birds. focus on the big picture. the end result.

Jacques

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Thanks J I'm so glad that I made you laugh again:-)

See how naive I am....

It's ok I do need to start looking after myself, that much sugar everyday cant be good. Especially now that I'm working on the house, I think I'm dehydrating which is also making me unwell.

You can stop laughing now.....

Good to know I can make you smile

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Karen you always bring a smile to my face,

Not naive, just not up with technology.

Yes you will find a difference, even try some no added sugar orange juice or apple juice, worth a try.

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

When I could finally know I was going to quit smoking I had given up for about 5 months and my system was clear and lungs were clear and I felt good. Then my brother had another hospitalisation and I started smoking agin but I always knew it was going to be my last time. I had a felt sense of good health that convinced me of the benefits of quitting in the longrun. I then smoked for about 2 months to get through my bro's crisis and then I quit that time for good ... my kids were 3 and 18 months ... plenty of motivation. I had "given up" smoking about 40 times before that ...and I didnt want to blame him for not quitting but let me deal with it when I was ready.

Sugar is harder as it is in so many foods and kids love it .. its just making little decisions .. I was lucky cos I rejected sugar quite young at about 16 ... so I never had to struggle that way ... though sometimes I like a boost bar. I really hold cok in contempt ... I worked with Sudanese people for a while and in Africa .. a good week is one where you have a coke ... and they get here and find out that its so unhealthy. I wouldnt give coke my money no mater how much you paid me ... rip off merchants. ... sorry my hobby horse. ... that said ... my son went out and bought a coke this week and is now using it for water ... its important not to be totally prohibitionist.

I totally agree with you about music. My uncles had good sound systems so I knew a few buzzwords .. but I also like that in the main in our house we are about live music ...

cheers to both of you @Jacques and @hiddenite

In response to: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound


Hi dear @Appleblossom

Like what you do. I'm trying to drink more water too.
Karen have you thought about just eating gluten free until 6pm then letting yourself eat sugar ? I try and stay like this but lately I've messed up because doing too much.

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Chiros got me into drinking water 25 years ago when I went to them for my neck... I just thought it was so dumb ... we lived in a hot country and nobody drank water then ...if I ever asked for water people would be offended and try and give you something else ... it is good it has changed a lot ... I am sure a lot of problems in the old days could have been avoided by better drinking habits ... and I dont just mean alcohol.

Also I had my brother paid for a facial for his wedding and the lady said she had never met someone whose skin was as dehydrated ... anyway it became my thing ... I guess.

lovely to hear from you @PeppiPatty hope you did do too much driving and took it easy.

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

oh my, i need to cut out more sugar... although I have cut out chocolate 😞 lol im still not convinced thats a good thing hehe!

I have a wii and my lil girl has a dancing game that she loves. there is also the sport/fitness one that they like too, but its not active enough for me.

I don't drink enough water either, even though I know when i do I feel a bit better! so i guess thats my new challenge!!

hope you're all sleeping well tonight!

LJ

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

@Appleblossom,

You are so lucky to both be musicians, i love live music, when i was a teenager i went to 1 concert, it was fantastic, i have only ever been to one so i don't have much experiance with it, You and your son sound so tallented, my favourite instruments are piano, violin and harp.

Take care my friend.

Jacques

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Hi My angel,

Feeling pretty terrible today, i oculd not sleep last night, i spent the whole night in a panic, i feel like crap, i have not walked now for a week, the longest since i started walking, i feel so ashamed, all my good work down the drain. i am so fat now.

Karen please take it easy today, take your time, look at the reno 1 room at a time, break the house down into sections, less overwhelming, my thoughts and spirit will be with you today, i wish you could see the strength in yourself that i see, your determination and strength is so empowering to me, i wish it could do the same for you.

When you feel overwhelmed, stop what you are doing, walk out side and look around, take a deep breath and remember why you bought your dream home. your dream is half way their, you own it, not much longer to go befor it is renovated.

Take care my angel, i am here if you need me.

Jacques

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