14th year house bound

Hey Jacques thats a good one I think it would sell really well. I do the same spend more time cleaning than renovating. So if you come up with an idea of how to remove 30 year old carpet without the dusty mess I'm listening:-)

The girls have been quite emotional today, so we all lay in my bed watching a cartoon movie. They enjoyed it a lot and have gone straight to bed.

I am going to take the girls to bunnings tomorrow to pick out some pansies and we can plant them when we get home, maybe a trip to the park. It's been so difficult for them at school. They had to make fathers day cards and other children were asking them what happened to their dad.

I hope you have something nice planned with your mum tomorrow. Maybe a nice drive for a coffee. You both deserve it after such a difficult week.

I plan to go to centre link on Monday and see if they can help me. I am so worried that they will just tell me that the girls have never been in my care. I will make sure I take in all the information I can.

Have a nice evening hopefully you are wrapped in your sleeping bag snuggled in for the night. Take care j

Karen

Hi @Jacques

I am feeling a bit better today. Yesterday was good and today was beautiful. I had a lovely trip into town talking with son's girlfriend. We went our separate ways. I went to a ladies rehearsal and after it I discussed my concerns regarding the section leader with the president of the choir. We agreed to take no action before our concert next week and try and get some change next season. She made a very clear stance that I was wanted in the choir; me as a voice, and me as a person. So that was reassuring.

That is fantastic news @Appleblossom, sometimes talking about our problems can bring a solution, i am so glad you are considered a vital part of your group, It must have been nice to spend a little quality time with your sons girlfriend. it sounds like all three of you get along well, that is great, sometimes parents clash with their childrens partners.

I am glad you are being supported in the choir for being you, as well as your tallent, i am sure it makes you feel happy to hear such positive reassurance.

You sound like life is getting better for you, i am so glad you are able to have more you time and be able to focus on your needs in all your group music.

Jacques

My son's girl was saying it was 2 year anniversary since we met, though their "relationship" is much newer. She is very antisocial ..runs away from group gatherings but loves the arts and is a greenie and loves the bush so her and I clicked immediately .. she just reminded me of me at her age .. it was not hard work ... although of course there are many differences between us .. I said I wasnt sure how to do the 'daughter in law' thing and that everybody hates 'mother in laws' but I think that she liked that I thought of her as family and is comfortable with my style ... her mother is not around and my daughters are not around so it just kind of fits .... we make little plans and so far it has worked out well ... real possiblities for a pleasant life for the three of us are unfolding. fingers crossed.

What have you been up to today @Jacques... in the garden or enjoying electricity inside??

Wow that is fantastic @Appleblossom, it is good to have something in common, it must be nice of thinking of the past, i know it is for me, my past has some really fond memories, and some horrible ones.

@Appleblossom, of course you will have differences, every person is different, you know that, i know that, it is just good to have something in common, and it sounds like she likes you which is a help.

I think it will take you a while to settle into the mother-in-law thing, but i thing from what you are saying you will be a valued family member, which is good, my grandparents on both sides hated each other, and spent all their time trying to split my parents up, neither side thought the other was good enough, you could always feel the tention, it was horrible, but the past is the past, all my grandparents are dead, they where all dead by the time i was 8, so i didn't really know any other family other than mum and dad.

@Appleblossom, i am going to have my fingers crossed too that all three of you can work together and make a wonderful future or happy memories. it is good you are all easing into your rolls and getting comfortable with each other.

Oh my yes the electricity is wonderful, i feel so spoilt having electricity when i want it, it feels so weird, it is going to take me a long time to get used to. Yes i have spent the day cleaning up, my OCD has been through the roof, so yesterday i had to put everything back in it's place.

Well i hope you have a pleasent sunday, i am going to put some flowers this morning onto my fathers grave, i often go out to the cemetary, i feel so free out their, in the cemetary i am not scared for some reason, it is the only place i feel relaxed, it sort of feels like home, sorry if that sounds weird.

Take care @Appleblossom, i am thinking of you

Jacques

Hi Jacques

I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you today. I understand how hard this must be for you. But I am here with you.

Take care my friend

Big hugs

Karen

Thanks @Jacques.

Apparently a lot of typical family tension is due to idealisation and the attachment issue ...in groups and out groups ... eg "my relations and darling Johnnies and Jennies are better than yours" but that is what sexual reproduction is all about .. attraction to difference and bringing more genes into the gene pool. We can learn a lot from various kinships structures .. people can be so xenophobic. I keep hearing stories about marriage breakups, misunderstanding and strife ...

Anyway Idealisation and attachment are not given enough attention in my book. I dont care if we look at it from a Freudian, Jungian, Bowlbian, Kleinian or Lacanian perpsective ... or not the slightest bit academic.

In my family my father was and had always been completely without family until he brought children into the world. So his sense of society and inclusion was broad ... christian if you want to put it that way ... or sociailist if you prefer that term. it is an outlook I understood as I also lived in group homes for a while. My mother and her big family not appreciative of his or his kids' qualities, even though I helped them a lot for a long time.

All this investment in one's darling child can become a bit loaded with ego and other issues and devoid of love if we do not see that all people have legitimate needs ... or equal in God's eyes, if people prefer that way of thinking. I am a bit shocked at how spoiled grown up people are these days. It is why I was touched by your situation without power, ironic in that you are more technical than average. Anyway that one is solved and a new day dawns for us all. I burned my hair once cos we used candles in the squat when I was 6, but I taught my kids to value camping and the outdoors so they would know how to function without power if necessary ...

My new daughterinlaw's family is totally atheistic and detached from all forms of gift giving ... re birthdays or any holidays .. it is obvious she loves her father and him her .. but no fathers day today for them ..

I do believe in the power of love .. (not pretty gift card notions that love always finds a way .. as that just insults my experience). So I am hopeful that with genuineness and goodwill we can move forward. I dont have to preach to the converted.

In a way I think at the moment I am coming a cropper because I have let things go in the house and.stopped playing the piano

My son always moves chairs around in both the living rooms and I have asked him to stop it ... maybe I have a form of OCD ... I want to know when I go into my piano room I can just sit on my teachers chiar or the piano bench ... or at the kitchen table that my chair will be there. I was trying to indulge his OCD about having a tailor made chair to fit his needs at the piano but it has gotten out of kilter and when I walk around my house I trip over furniture that is being moved all the time and my balance is not good with my neck. I have decided to reclaim my piano playing for me .. that it is not just a studio for teaching and bringing in income but a part of my way of being...

You @Jacques know the isolation of being an only child ... we need to be able to move beyond in groups and out groups .. my family and your family .. the stories are important but the barriers need to be broken down .. in that sense I am anti-boundary and very much a social christian but i am quite happy to have atheists in the family if they treat me with care and respect, and she seems too ,, and my son is finally figuring it out ...

Anyway good morning @Jacques what have you planned for today?

Hi My angel,

Thank you so much, i hope today is not to tough on you and your daughters, do something special with them, and give them plenty of cuddles, i am thinking of you too my friend.

Jacques

Yes my family my father was German, which was a no-no, my grandfather had no time for germans, and because my father and his mother was from a "low" socio-economic standing, they were seen as "less" of a person who could not provide for mum and me. my fathers mother disliked my mothers family because they where "hoity-toity" and flouted their wealth, and my grandmother had speration anxiety from my father and did not like "sharing" him with anyone, especially my mother, so it was very complicated and uncomfortable.

I am so glad you do not judge any of your sons partners, current and future, i am so glad you are going to allow him to make his own choices in life, so many parents make problems for their children, i suppose not realising it.

Sometimes i think animals have a better sense of kinship and bringing up children than humans, the social structure has been breaking down badly over the past 50 years, it is so sad to see, i think people focus too much on material things and their "social status" in the community, we have lost kindness and respect for each other, watching the news, reading articles and private tweets, people are so cruel to each other, wheather it be relationships, families, friends or strangers, we have lost it all, i hope one day humans will be able to learn from nature and re-educate themselves to focus on what is important in life.

Sorry i get these grandios ideas for humans, i just see what we have become as a society and it really distresses me, we are meant to be the "intellegent" species, god help us if we are!!!!!

Indeed @Jacques I agree

I just love Tealc from Star Trek ..

I was too shy when i was at uni to have these kind of talks ...everybody was so confident, rich and well dressed compared to me I ws scared of the noise in the caf ...