14th year house bound

Hi Karen,

I am so sorry they left the house in such a state, i remember when we moved back to our house, they previous tenants trashed the whole house, their was feasies and urine through all the carpet, they broke beams in the house, put holes in every wall, stole all the light and tap fittings, axed down the door of the shed and threw dead chickens all through the shed, we could not sleep in the house for a week, the smell was so bad, their were suringes and other drug parafinalia through the garden.

Karen, you need to take things one at a time, as you do with time, break the tasks into smaller achievable sections, i too have ocd, my hands a raw too, but i am not cleaning anything, i just can't stop washing them.

I know what you are going through, i could not sleep last night and i dont think i will sleep tongiht either, worried about tomorrow, this will be the longest time i will have spent in someone elses company, i am scared, but i draw strength from you Karen, if you can do it, so can i.

I wish i was their to help you Karen, it upsets me seeing my frinds so distressed. all i can do is offer my support, i don't think you made a mistake, you will make that house into a home, i know you can do it, take your time, break the tasks down, you have done this before, you know how to fix up a house, believe in yourself Karen, i believe in you.

Take care my friend

Jacques

Wow Jacques

That beats me. It must have been heart breaking to have someone do that to your home. It's a wonder that you ever got the smell out.

You are much braver than me my friend.

I wish I could stop washing my hands but everything has become so overwhelming, I know you just have to accept it. That really doesn't help much though.....

You will be fine with the electrician tomorrow j I have faith in you. You also know that it will be finished in a certain time. I will be thinking of you Jacques. Your mum will also be happy and proud of you j...like me.

I am here for you Jacques

I understand

Karen

Yes mum had to spend her life savings to fix the house up, i am still repairing the damage, we will be done soon though.

when it is raining sometimes you can still smell the horrible smells, but not a lot, i am going to buy a carpet shampooer, so i can clean the carpets again, some of the carpet was so bad we had to replace it.

It is very hard to accept, i know what it is like, sometimes i have to wash my hands 3 or 4 times in a row, but their is still a drive to wash them, sometimes i almost burst into tears, i just want to stop doing it but i can't.

i have the ocd thing with door locks too.

the electrician said it should not take more than a day or a day and a bit at most. so i am probably going to go into a panic tomorrow morning. but it needs to be done, so i will put up with the panic. i see how you are pushing yourself, if you can do it, so can i, you are my guardian angel, i will know you are with me giving me strength.

Karen try to relax tonigh, try not to focus on the house, destraction is the key, the more you think about it the more overwhelmed you will become. i use music for destraction, but whatever works for you.

As usual you are right Jacques. I am going to listen to Simon and garfunkel and rest it's been a busy day.

It was my daughter's birthday today she turned seven. We decorated the house with pink and purple streamers and balloons. We made a love heart cake and the girls decorated it.

It's a tough day she tries to be happy but the tears flowed she misses her dad.

It's so difficult seeing the girls hurt. Fathers day is not going to be great either.

Thanks for your support j it means a lot.

Take care and be kind to yourself

Goodnight rest up my friend

Karen

Oh i forgot about the birthday, i remember you mentioned something about a freddo ice cream cake? Oh the poor thing, yes it must be tough for her, and it must be tough for you too, no wonder you are so emotional tonight, i suppose all you can do is make sure she knows you love her, and will be their for her. it will take time for her to be able to cope i suppose, i see so many children struggle with the loss of a parent, she is not alone.

oh yes, fathers day, i will have to get some flowers for my fathers grave, you will have to take the girls out that day, give them someting to take their minds off of the day.

Rest up Karen, please don't try to deal with all this on your own, i am here for you, to listen, sometimes it is good to let it out to someone.

Goodnight my angel, i will try to checkin through the day if i get time.

Jacques

Hi Karen,

Well i survived, only had 2 panic attacks today, i nealry passed out on the first one, but i managed to help the electrician in the ceiling and did some fittings, only 3 lights to go tomorrow, the rest of the house is done, yay!!!!

i was thinking about you today, i hope your day was ok, hopefully less busy than yesterday.

anyway i am here from now till tonight if you would like to talk.

Be safe, take care.

Jacques

Congrats @Jacques ... looking up whilst doing tasks or being in crowded spaces are both a recipe for rushes to the head ... I hope the electrician was ok to you?

Hi @Appleblossom,

yes i was very anxious last night, and it all came to a head when i got started, just not used to having people around, my memory went, i struggled to remember what i was asked to do and remember things to ask him.

He was fantastic to me and very professional, he knows his stuff, the house is so old though the wires where a dogs breakfast, so brittle, they fell apart in our hands.

Mum and i are so happy to tick another thing off the list of things to do.

The rest of the house i can do on my own, so i should not get panic attacks.

Thank you for your concern @Appleblossom you aare a great friend.

Jacques

Glad he did the right thing by you and your mum ...

you deserve something going right for you. I was shocked by your story about the house being trashed ... unfortunately it is not the first I have heard like that ... its enough to make me ashamed of being an ex druggie.

When I brought my old Singer sewing machine to be replaced I was told I was lucky I had not been electrocuted ... sometimes ignorance is bliss..

keep it up my friend.