14th year house bound

Hi J

I told you I would be back. Two hour appointment wow I'm exhausted.

Now I have to drive all the way back to pick up the girls.

Sorry if I'm annoying you I'm just worried.

Karen

Karen my guardian angel,

you are so sweet, Thank you for being their for me today.

you poor thing, you are going to be so tired, picking up both girls, i take it your youngest is feeling better? i hope so, she has had a tough few weeks too.

My angel you could never annoy me, i was just in a low mood and did not want to upset you with my negativity, i didn't have the energy to write either.

i am sorry i am still a little out of it.

Jacques

Hi My Angel,

i hope you have some time to put your feet up tonight, you have had a big day, i feel bad taking your energy from your own wellbeing, thank you for your support.

anyway make sure you treat yourself tonight, you have done well Karen, i hope your appointment today was not too stressful.

Jacques

Hey Jacques

Back again, girls bathed, dinner done and so are the dishes.

The girls are practicing their dancing for their production on Friday.

Youngest daughter still not very well but she doesn't want to miss the production.

Full dress rehearsal at school tomorrow I have to be there to make any adjustments to the costumes and get 20 six year olds to concentrate.

I hope they don't wreck the costumes as they are quite fragile.

Anyway I'm exhausted after two hours with the treating team, my head is still spinning.

Hopefully the girls go strait to sleep tonight.

Ok j back to you..... how are you going. Sometimes it is better off to just sleep if you are unable to help yourself in other ways. There is no shame in that.

If you had chronic fatigue, or glandular fever, you wouldn't feel bad about sleeping when needed. This is no different, if you have to rest listen to your body.......that's what it needs.

No guilt or shame in that.

I just wanted to let you know that I care about you and you are not alone J.

Don't have to answer I understand. I just don't want you to feel alone.....

Thinking of you, stay safe,

Karen

Hi Karen,

Oh my, the big play, only 2 sleeps to go, i bet the girls are jumping out of their skin with excitement, that is good your youngest has something to focus on, it will do her good to be in the play.

oh no, good luck trying to get 20 6 year old's to stand still, and trying to co-ordinate them, you will be a nervous wreck.

yes i am sure you are exhausted and have a lot to preccess from your meeting, i am here if you need someone to confide in.

i am feeling a bit better tonight, still low, but not wollowing in my own past. yes i think the depression is getting to the point where it zapps all my energy, or maybe it is my blood pressure which is getting high. i just wish i could have some energy, even a fraction of what most people have, i seem to not have any interest in anything either, just existing.

Thank you Karen, i really appreciate you looking out for me, you are a true friend, i hope i can return the faviour in the future.

Jacques

Oh J you don't have high blood pressure too. I'm on medication for mine it's got so high.

I'm not looking forward to the production I don't know how I will manage a room full of 1000 people and all the noise and triggers. I don't want to embarrass the girls. The anxiety is growing.

I will be backstage doing make up hair and costumes but I still have to go out and watch.

My treating team want me to go into a shared house where there are staff all the time. I don't understand why they think that going into a strange house with people I don't know would be helpful. I'm pretty overwhelmed with the thought. I don't know if they can force me to go involuntary.

I'm very confused about what they want.

Being so exhausted doesn't help.

Be kind to yourself J you are worth it.

Karen you need to focus on doing the make up and getting everyone ready, keep busy, remember you will be 1 person in a crowd, try to focus on something else until the play, you will only make the axiety worse by focusing on it, i am sure the girls and you will be fine, the thought sometimes is worse than the event.

I doubt they can force you, is it an all womens place? can you take the girls?

I am sure they are like me and worried about you and your safty, if they can help i suppose it is worth a shot, but make sure anything you decide is on your terms, for your wellbeing.

I am thinking of you, i wish i could just sit with you a while in real life, someone who understands. i know you are here in spirit, and i thank you for that.

Jacques

Sleep well my angel, i will speak to you tomorrow.

Jacques

Hi Jacques

I hope you are feeling better today.

I've just finished the full dress rehearsal for the production. It went really well and the costumes made the children look so adorable.

So the big day is tomorrow and the girls are so excited. They all remembered their dance moves.

Did you walk this morning.

It is torrential rain here.

Karen

Hello my angel,

I am so glad all went well with the big rehersal, i am glad the costumes survived, i am sure the play tomoorow will be a big hit.

That is fantastic they all remembered their dance moves, you have done so well with the children, i know it would have been very difficult for you.

Yes i went walking this morning, it is cold and overcast here today, no rain though. i hope your day is treating you well, i am sure you are a little excited to about tomorrow, you will be fine.

Jacques