14th year house bound

Jacques I would gladly give you a hug. I can't imagine not getting hugs from my girls. My 9 year old doesn't like to be hugged, touched or kissed any more. It happened after her breakdown when she was 7 . Before that she would be on my lap whenever she could or hold my leg when I walked. She would shower me with kisses.

Now she ddoesn't like being touched, she pulls away if I try to kiss her. I miss her. I lost a part of her after her breakdown. When she was in hospital for 14 days if I touched her it was like she was getting an electric shock. And she would start screaming. And shaking, it's something I will never forget.

My 7 year old is always by my side and hugging me now, she rarely leaves my side and has terrible separation anxiety. Most days at school it takes a couple of teachers to pull her off me and stop her from following me. I can hear her screaming for me as I leave. It's so awful...

I only stay up to talk to you Jacques because you are so special to me, I don't want you to feel alone, that no one cares. Because I care very deeply about you and I hate seeing you hurting and in so much pain. I wish I knew how to take it all away, so you never have to hurt again.

There are plenty of leftovers Jacques so help yourself.

Thanks lj the girls sure to need a run in the sun.

You are such a wonderful mum your children are so lucky to have you.

I agree there is never enough energy when it comes to keeping up with the little ones, they are like a tornado of energy.

Lj I just want to wish you good luck with organising you furniture. You are doing a wonderful job under very difficult circumstances.

Big hug you you

Karen

OMG Thank you Karen, i would so love that, i have not been touched for 14 years, mum does not like being touched either, the last time i hugged someone was dad when he died, i have not been touched since, i pull away like your little girl when someone touches me. i think it is all part of the anxiety. My parents where not very physically affectionate, they treated me like an adult from as early as i can remember.

I hope over time your girl manages to allow you to show some affection, it must be so difficult to have her pull away.

I am glad your youngest is affectionate. she sounds like me at her age, i used to do the same, i could not bear to be away from mum and dad, not even for school, it got worse after the abuse from my teacher.

I know it must be tough, but if she does not get past the separation anxiety soon, she will end up like me, 33 and still not leaving your side. it is one of those things you need to give her some feeling of independents.

Oh Karen i am so sorry, i had no idea you where staying up for me, please their is no need to do that, go to bed when you are tired, i know you are always thinking of me like i am of you. Karen i know you care, but i am alone in life, i always have been.

Karen you are so sweet, the pain has always been their too, i should never have been born, mum and dad would have been so happy without me, i have been a burden to them and a burden to Australian society.

Karen you are a special person, so sweet loving and caring, i am lucky to have met you, i feel priviledged every day for having been in your presents, you are a wonderful person Karen i wish you could see that.

Oh Jacques I'm sorry if I triggered difficult memories for you. I didn't know

.Jacques I stay up to talk to you because you are a wonderful, compassionate,thoughtful man and I enjoy spending time with you. You are my best friend, I can't wait to talk to you everyday. You are my rock, so strong and you protect me from my demons. I am still here today because of you.

I am honoured to be you friend.

Oh no my angel, you didn't trigger me, i have had those feelings for a long time, and tht makes up the thoughts i have most days.

Oh Karen you are so nice to me, so what is happening tonight? are the girls getting sleepy?

Well i am watching 007, and talking to my best friend.

This afternoon i pulled the head off the motobike engine, managed to break a socket so i had to stop, will have to buy a new one. aaaah

I remember you saying you worked on cars? if so how do you clean out oil from an engine without pulling it apart?

Jacques I've never worked on a motorcycle motor. I would recommend you Google the question, I don't want to give you the wrong information.

What I would do is find the drain plug on the motor. Then run some cheap oil through the motor to flush it out. Or you may be able to buy engine flush for motorbikes.

If it was a car you would take out the drain plug at the bottom of the motor. Change the oil filter.

Then run cheap motor oil for a hundred km then change the oil and filter replacing with hig quality motor oil.I hope that helps.

Girls are in bed.

I'm watching tv in bed.

Talking to my best friend about a topic I love.

Jacques have you got a manual for the bike. If not it maybe worth you trying to download a manual or purchase on online.

Every car I ever worked on I had the mechanics manual they are relatively easy to follow.

Just a thought.

Oh i thought all motors where the same, i think i might try your trick, i had a problem i used to ride through a lot of water, and some got into the engine, the oil is mixed with water and dirt, so i was going to put some degreaser or something and flush it out, but the cheap oil sounds much better, i will give it a try.

Oh i am glad they are finally tired, please Karen go to sleep if you are tired, i feel aweful keeping you up so late when you are so exhausted. i promise i will watch over you.

Yes i have a manual for the bike, a service manual to be exact, but it does nto say how to clean parts, only how t opull and put it back together again. i have most of the new parts for it, it is just oging to be a matter of touching up the frame and etrol tank with some paint and renew all the seals.

Thank you my angel, it is weird talking to a woman about mechanics, just not usual for a woman to be into these sorts of things.

i do hope you get a fine day tomorrow, it was raining here earlier, but has stopped now. the garden is loving it, everything is green and lush, even the birds have all come out looking for food, well fighting over the same patch of yard!!!!! their is so much you think they could share!!!!

The parts can be cleaned in petrol. Not great for the hands.

If you've had water through the motor I would look into buying an engine flush product. They contain cleaning properties. See how you go.

You can talk to me about anything Jacques. Oh the woman thing andmechanics yea I get that a bit. Men normally hate getting help from a woman. That's my experience anyway.

Are the frogs out tonight j.

Yeah i was thinking petrol too, i am not worried about my hands, they have had a lot worse chemicals on them.

Ok i think you may be right, the engine flush sounds good, i will get some on my sunday outing.

Oh thank you my angel, you are such a fountain of knowledge, it is such a shame that you can't see how smart you are.

Karen lucky i am not most men, i don't mind at all getting advice from women, i have always been tought never to judge a book by it's cover, learned it too, i don't think less of women because they are women, every living thing has something they can learn and be taught, reguarless of race or sex.

OMG Karen you had to mention the frogs, you are going to love this, every time i have a shower now, the frogs go off, they must be living in the drain pipes from the shower. every time i use the shower, bath or vanity they start singing, it is so cute.