14th year house bound

Hi Jacques I'm so glad your enjoying the rain.

A motorbike! You are full of secrets my friend. Do you get to ride it often?

The girls got their costumes organised. They are witches, with black pointed hat purple fake hair and a cape. They went trick or treating and got heaps of chocolates and lollies. I only allowed them to go to the neighbors house. They had a lot of fun.

I also took them to the shops they had people making balloon animals, free ice cream, chocolates, balloons, and craft.

I'm exhausted I hope they had a good day.

My youngest had a terrible tantrum, she told me she never gets anything she wants and that she hates me.

I'm so hurt.

I hope your day was ok

Karen

Thanks lj she can be so hurtful, and it's always when I least expect it. It's seems the harder I try to make her happy the more angry she becomes. It really scares me that a 7 year old can be that angry and hurtful.

Hope the battles with your children have eased for you.

Take care

Karen

Hi My angel,

Oh yes, i loved the rain, just finished raining about 1 1/2 hours ago, so nice, all the garden watered and i didn't have to leave my room, lol

Oh i thought i told you about my motobike, no i have not ridden it since i was 17, it has just been sitting in the shed, collecting dust, but i am thinking of getting my motobike license, just to have it will be good, not that i will ride it much.

OMG i bet the girls looked cute in their costumes, yes that is a good idea only in the neighbourhood, i never trusted those days, too many sick people out their. Well good luck getting the girls to not eat all the chocolate at once, guess you will be haveing a long night too

OMG The girls have had a big day, Ice cream, chocolates and craft, i bet they are happy little ones tonight.

What do you mean you hope they had a good day, ICE CREAM AND CHOCOLATES!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Karen, tantrums are always lurking in the background, you want to see tantrums, mum can tell you some whoppers, one time i threw myself in the middle of the road and would not move because she didn't buy me a toy car i wanted. Children are terrible at controlling their emotions, they have not developed the mental capacity to control their temper. she does not hate you, well at that moment proably yes, but i bet she is over it now, it is good you are teaching them they can't always get what they want. it is a good lesson to learn, gosh Karen, i am sure every child has told their parents on several occasions they hate their parents, i can't even count how many times i told my parents.

Karen it is all part of the growing up proccess, accept it for what it is.

Well i had some lunch then i slept, yet again, i only have energy for about 2-3 hours then i have to sleep, it is so frustrating, i sleep so much and am still tired.

I hope you are ok Karen, i know how much these events upset you, i am here if you need some support. i am going for a shower now. be back soon.

Try not to eat all the chocolate, leave some for me!!!!!

Thanks for the chocolate Jacques. I like the look of the owl, yum.

I just had my shower, long and hot, try and calm the anxiety after being around so many people.

It will be a good distraction Jacques getting your bike licence and something to look forward to.

It's really difficult for me when my daughter screamers at me it always triggers me and I don't know how to manage being triggered and her tantrums.

Oh and mum just told me she thought I should be in hospital. I can't win. I asked her what it would achieve she told me it would have to be better than how I am now. Wow I'm shocked. She knows what an awful place that is.

I have an appointment onThursday with my private psychiatrist.

Friday I have an appointment with my treating team, then the girls psychologist.

If mum has her way I'll be back in hospital by the end of the week.

Oh my Karen, i love the look of the pumpkin, it is all mine

Oh i am glad you had a nice long hot shower, it does work, doesn't it, it is like washing away the day, well it is for me anyway.

Yeah i don't know, i will probably fail, and it is expensive, a lot of the rubber componants have perish, so i will have to fix it up.

Yes, i do understand it must be difficult, especially with your past, maybe sitting her down and asking her not to yell at you, maybe have a 30 min timeout once a week where the girls can say what they are upset about, that way you will be ready fror it, and it may help them learn to control their emotions.

Karen, it sounds like your mum is really worried about you, so am i, and i am sure the girls are too. Their needs to be a solution Karen, i do hope when the private health cover kicks in you can get the help you need.

Sounds like you have a tough week comming up, i will be here for you every step of the way. i care about you Karen, i will do all i can this week to help you see you are worthwhile and you are valued and respected. i am always here for you my angel. just hold on.

Im sure you will do a wonderful job on the bike Jacques. You are so talented, it will be good to keep your mind and body active. Give you something to achieve that's just for you.

My mum just thinks I should be able to snap my fingers and everything will be ok.

She also told me that I need to stop acting like a victim, get over it. And to consider myself as being lucky.

She thinks the medication should make everything ok. It's not a magic pill, I wish it was.

Thanks for the support Jacques.

I really don't know what the right thing to do. How do you make decisions when you can't trust your own judgment?

yes you are right, it will be good to keep me occupied.

Well what she says to you is not very helpful is it, she needs to be more supportive or just say nothing. please remember karen, she has not suffered a mental illness or abuse, so she can't understand.

i am always here for you my angel, no matter what

Karen you will know deep down what is right for you, just trust your judgment.

I dont mean to interrupt but I just had a thought that might be relevant.

You know how they often say that one symptom of many patients ... is black and white thinking. Well it seems like that is a bit of your mum's problem as well ... not taking sides .. just trying to break things up into little pieces and find solutions.

No @hiddenite I agree with you .. pills arent magic and a biological reality of MI has been scientifically established.

To me you often seem to find a way to "count your blessings" ... that is apparent in the beauty of the way you "choose" to parent ... so I see that you are looking at positives .. but daily life goes up and down ... and you are carrying a burden from the PTSD etc ... the earlier generations ... really love their count your blessings approach ... I found it difficult to see my blessings through my physical pain .. but now am better at remembering little things to lubricate social life better. Just a thought about the victim - positive thinking issue.

Hi appleblossom it's always good to hear someone else's opinion so thank you. All I want is for my mum to try and understand, this is something I cant control, ptsd, depression,anxiety,ocd. It doesn't come with a manual on how to manage day to day.

I would also like her to see how traumatic it is to go into a mhu.

It's good to hear from you.

Take care

Karen