14th year house bound

@hiddenite, i am honoured you trust me with your life, knowing how frightened you are of men, i feel special, i wish you would see your GP about it now, but i will support you no matter what decision you make.

Karen i gave you the nuber and email address of a group whom specialise in PTSD, or help find medical professionals whom treat PTSD, you should give them a call or email them, i think it would really help, going to a regular psycologist/psyciatrist will not work because you need specialised treatment, anyway please give it some thought.

Karen You have not made this mess your husband made the mess, please see you two precious girls as a success in your life. you survived him, that is a positive, you are planning for the future, that is a positive.

Karen you are always supporting me, All my firneds i help without wanting anything in return, that is what friendship is to me. you are my friend because i want to be your friend, not for what i can get out of it. you are special to me, your kindness and you and your daughters happyness, is all i need, knowing you are a family, just the three of you.

Karen you deserve to be happy, not punished, you have been through more punishment than you ever deserved, it is time for you to be treated well, time for you to be given kindness, you so deserve it.

sometimes i wish i could help you get some help and somewhere you can call home, so you can be happy, or at least content with your life. One day Karen, you will have this, i know it, please just trust me.

Your Friend, big warm hug.

Jacques

Oh Karen, you poor thing, snow, well school gets out soon, and you can get warm with the heater, i am so angry you have to live like this, you need somewhere to call home, somewhere you feel safe, somewhere that is yours.

I am crying for you my Angel, it breaks my heart to see how you have to live like this, i have done the same thing because i had to, i had no where else, and i know it is the same for you.

Karen i wish i could be their to give you someone to talk to and give you a blanket to keep warm, i am so sorry i can't do more for you.

take care my friend.

Jacques

The Tulip Eaters is a thriller set between Texas and the Netherlands written by a 2nd generation American. As a writer I am critical of it, the author makes mistakes like mixing up dollars and guilders etc .. but I love reading the dutch words that echo in my mind from the past.

Oh @hiddenite,

It breaks my heart to hear you say that, i used to tell myself the same, i chose to isolate myself, i chose to sit in the car all day, and guess what i have come to the realisation that it was the selfishness and cruelty of others that i had to do these things.

I don't think i will ever find peace, it is complicated, i have always been this way and one day my past will catch up with me, but thank you for the support, i think we both deserve acceptance and kindness.

Well i suppose you are at your parents place about to have dinner, i am glad you are back in the warmth, i feel so much better knowing you are not cooped up in the car.

Karen no need to thank me, you are a special woman.

Hope to speak to you later tonight, keep warm, stay safe

Jacques

ooooooooooh sounds good @Appleblossom, i might have to buy a copy of it, yes me too, i find something calming hearing german and dutch words, i can read german but can't speak it, weird huh, i will learn it one day.

i know it is not dutch it is a murder mystery from iceland but a great read the auther is Arnaldur Indridason i have enjoyed reading several of his books.

well i hope the concert went well on the weekend.

Take Care

Jacques

I will look up Indridason.

I tend to use the library a lot and only buy when I have money or the need .. that comes from being raised by tulip eaters hmmmm.

Yes it is weird the languages that are from our past .. I think that is partly why I enjoy singing Bach .. I told my new choir it calmed me down .. the difficulty of the Cristmas Oratorio freaked everybody out, but I was just give me more ... ahhhh ..

The last Scandinavian noir I read was about the

100 year old man who climbed out the window and got lost

it was hilarious,

Wow @hiddenite, sounds exciting, how many costumes have you done?, are the girls helping out? it is good you and the girls are so close, i can just picture you all now sitting their, sissors and cardboard and elastic everywhere, lol, i am glad you find some peace of a night with your daughters.

I am glad you managed a walk, even if it was raining, i love walking in the rain, so soothing, helps me feel something, the light tapping on my head.

i walked this morning, the ground crunching under my feet as the grass was frozen, gives me a reason to walk fast, to get back to the warmth.

Karen don't ever write off being happy, it may not seem like it now, but who knows what the future holds for us all, Karen why do you think you need to end up like him? because of what others say to you (your family) has anyone outside of your family told you these things? i think you have the same problem as me, always around toxic people who bring you down, how can you see yourself any different? Karen believe me when i say it was not your fault, any of it, you need to reword or rethink how you deal with your memories, instead of saying i deserve this or that, please say to yourself i survived this or that. their is a big difference. Karen i think he has conditioned you that way, you do what he told you to do. you are your own woman now, he can't control you unless you let him. you are free to think and do what you want, with no control any more.

yes i am sitting at my computer with a sleeping bag, hot water bottle and a hot chocolate.

Hang in their Karen, keep safe, and stay warm too, and i am their for you telling you "everything will be ok".

Jacques