14th year house bound

OMG Karen how can they lose paperwork, far out, youwaited all this time for nothing, i hope they are going to speed it up now they have got it, you are elligable to recieve payments while they are proccessing your application, i hope they are doing so.

yes i to struggle having to go into centrelink, it is so humiliating, but it has to be done otherwise people like you and me would not survive financially.

i do hope you manage to calm down your anxiety, make sure you watch your breathing, and try to do something to distract.

i am having a nap now, so speak to you later, i do hope you are enjoying the rain, it has just started raining here and their is thunder too!!!!!

take care my angel, i am thinking of you always, be kind to yourself

Jacques

hi my angel,

i am just checking in, it is raining here right now, it is so nice the smell, the sound, even some thunder, we are ment to be having this all week, so i am hopeful.

not much happening this afternoon, just got some books to read from an online store, so i am looking forward to reading them.

I hope you have managed to calm down sice this morning, remember to watch your breathing, and distract.

thinking of you my angel, take care

Jacques

Hi Jacques no they are not going to back pay from the 6th of September that was when I put all the paperwork in. They lost copies of my birth certificate, bank account details, drivers licence, all gone.

The rain has stopped here,hopefully I will be able to mow tomorrow.

Anxiety is awful I saw my GP today who is really concerned for my safety he wanted me to go to the ed, I refused.

Hope you are doing ok Thinking of you j

Oh Karen that is aweful, they should be forced to give you a piece of paper declaring that they have recieved all documents, the same thing happened to me when i was applying. i often wonder if it is done on purpose.

anyway you have given them this paperwork now, mke sure you make a note of it in a diary or something the date and the documents given.

I do hope you can mow tomorrow, it makes it so much harder thelonger it is, my lawn is getting long but i broke my line trimmer. it is 30 years old so i suppose it did well. i am still upset as i don't like replacing things, especially when i look after them.

Oh my angel, i am so sorry things are difficult for you, i am concerned if the doctor thinks you should be in the ED, things must be really bad, if their is anything i can do to help, just let me know.

i am ok Karen, a little shaky, very hot, my body temp seems to be going haywire, i think it is the anxiety, my heart is fast.

I am here if you need me my angel, you know would do anything for you.

Jacques

Oh Jacques I get the body temperature thing it was cold and wet here and I'm dripping wet with sweat.

I hate it. Something I am unable to control the harder I try to stop sweating and calm down the worse it gets.Especially if someone speaks to me.

I'm so sick and tired of not being in control of my body.

I had enough of all the symptoms, there is never a time when I can get a break and just breathe.

I'm so overwhelmed....

I am scared the GP will call the police to do a safety check, he's done that before.Jacques I hope you can manage to rest a little and get your heart rate down and improve your breathing.

My heart feels like it can't take any more, exhausted:(

oh thank god, i thought their was something wrong with me, mum is freezing and i am sweating.

Yes me too karen, i have little control over temp and toilet movements, it is just too hard sometimes, i htink that is why we are so exhausted all the time, our bodies never get a rest.

Karen, i do understand how tough things are, and i understand you being overwhelmed, i am most of the time too, get up from your tablet now, go out the back of your house and take 3 deep breaths, right now.

I know how frightene you must be, but please remember your doctor is just trying to keep you safe, i would be devistated if something happened to you, and i am sure your doctor and girls would feel the same.

please keep talking if you like, sometimes it is good to say things out loud, get it off your mind, hear a new perspective on your troubles.

Be safe my angel, i am always with you in spirit.

Jacques

No Jacques there's nothing wrong with you. My mum has for layers of tops on and the heater and I'm dripping wet with sweat. I can't control it.

Your definitely right with the IBS no control there either.

Jacques do you think the suicide stuff is because we have lost control of our bodies and that is something we can control?

Just an option when things get too much. I know that's what happened to me earlier this year. I became so overwhelmed with the symptoms and how much pain I'm in. That's when I made an attempt. Just wanting everything to stop.

Jacques what type of anti depressant are you on?

Sorry if I'm asking too many questions.

If you don't want to answer you don't have to.

I don't want to upset you by being too personal.

You may be right Karen, i know for myself it is the one thing in my life i can control and can feel at peace with, it is something i am not scared of and it is the one thing i can choose.

i am not on any anti-depressant because no one knows i am depressed, i am on anti-anxiety medication, seritonin, Kare please do not appologise i am only to happy to answer, you are my friend i would tell you anything you wanted to know.

you can't upset me because i feel no emotion, i am always blank, no feelings

Oh Jacques I thought you must have told the GP about the depression. Please try and have that conversation with your GP. They don't have to know about the suicide stuff and sh

.How do you manage to go to centre link. I find the place and all the people so overwhelming. I have trouble even speaking to them.

What are you up totonight j?

Sorry Karen, i only tell what ever doctor i see the very basics, so they don't ask many questions, it is enough for me to take the edge off the anxiety and depression, that will do for now.

I would never tell any medical professional about my SH or SI

Karen i never did manage centrelink, mum does it all for me, i have given her the power to speak to and fill out any forms they send out, i had to go their for an interview to prove i have a MI, i could not speak the whole interview, i was shaking like a leaf, and my clothes where soaked when i left, and it was winter!!!!

Karen, please see if your treating team can help with the centrelink stuff, i know when i had a councillor she organised all of the initial stuff.

Tonight i am watching four corners and setting up a computer, and talking to my favourite friend. i just finished a cup of hot chocolate and bananna cake.