14th year house bound

Yum sounds great Jacques.

We had steak with potatoes and asparagus.

I've been sh since was about 8. And have hidden it all that time.i knew no one would understand and I'm so ashamed of it. You are right it has less and less effective, so I do it more and more. You are the first person I've actually admitted this to. It's just another one of my awful secrets. The thoughts become worse so I do it more, I don't know how to stop it's just so out of control.

I'm scared that the girls will find out one day and I'm setting a bad example for them.

Enjoy dinner j

OMG Karen i love asparagus, i did enjoy tea.

I feel so sad that you have had the need to SH for so long, let alone when you where that young, Karen i started to SH as a way to cope being away from my parents at school, it has now escilated to needing to do it because i get up of a morning, it is something you and i need to break, i too have never told anyone about my SH, you are the only one, none of my family know, not even mum.

Karen you do need to find a way to break the cycle, you have hidden it for so long, i doubt the girls will find out, but you will need to watch them closely to make sure they do not take up the habbit.

Karen you are coping as best you can,SH is in a way a coping mechanism, not a good one though, you and i need to find a way of coping without SH and find a way to show our emotions that does not involve SH.

Please try the rubber band trick and let me know if it works. remember SH is an addiction, addictions can be broken, maybe speak to your psych about ways to deal with SH and ways to distract from doing it.

Asparagus is my favorite too.

Sorry j it's been my secret for so long that I needed to tell someone I trust.

I started because of the anxiety of being horribly bullied at school and I never told anyone. I was so ashamed and such an easy target because I was so small and would never stick up for myself.

My sister would pretend I didn't exist and let people bully me.

The habbit has also been passed down to the next generation. I feel so guilty. I have never told anyone j.

It's my fault......

OMG Karen we have so much in common, i just can't believe it some times, you are like the female version of me!!!!!!!

Oh Karen i feel so honoured you felt trust enough in me to tell me, i will never betray the trust you have bestowed on me, i will cherish your trust Karen, thank you.

Karen Kids can be so cruel, i know i was always bullied at school, for being fat, for being lazy, for just about everything, i think that why i started to act out, things sometimes got worse when i was at home, neighbours kids would sometimes pick on me and one nearly abused me, i was able to fight him off, i have never told anyone this, i feel so ashamed, i never went near that neighbour again.

Karen i was always tall and strong, i was still bullied, you height had nothing to do with it, people like you and i seem to have something people see that they can exploit. i don't know why. It is a shame your sister did not stick up for you, i wonder if she ever feels sorry for not helping you? i know i would feel reslly bad if i had a family member i never helped out.

Karen, being bullied is not a habbit, your girls are being bullied like so many hundreds of thousands of children all around the world, tall, short, big, thin, black, white, etc. Karen it is never your fault, not you being bullied, not your girls being bullied. Bullying will always be, it seems to be a human trait. I am so proud of your little girl going to the teacher, that took emense courage to do, it is something i could not have done at her age.

Karen, you should be so proud of her, please encourage her to speak out, she is so strong.

Karen, i wish i could prove to you none of this is your fault, it happens to a lot of people, sometimes people are cruel, sometimes incredably nice. that is part of life, the trick to all this is to stay away from abusers and get closer to the nice people in your life.

You are right Jacques there is something about me that people think it's ok to abuse me. Even in the mhu I was attacked by a male patient. Of all the people there it was me he chose. This has happened countless times in my life.

Thank you for listening j and not judging me.

Karen i think sometimes for bullies it is opportunistic, you are just at the wrong place at the wrong time, i think that is how i was nearly sexually abused, and how the teacher was able to lock me in the classroom, i have often wondered the same as you, that it was something about me that attracted abuse.

I feel the same Karen, it has always happened to me, i think that is why i am so scared of people now, i just can't trust anymore, i don't want to be abused anymore, isolation has been my answer, it has destroyed me, but it is the only way for me to stay safe.

Karen i would never judge anyone, it is not my place to judge, i have not walked in your shoes, everyones experiances in life are unique, being understanding is key for me to be able to be honest with people.

You are my best friend Karen, i wish i could protect you from these people, i am just glad we found each other to have discussions like these to help one another.

Karen i have had a thought, ie about SH, instead of SH could you so something to your teddy bear to releave the SH feelings? that way you are not hurting yourself, maybe squeeze him/her that way it is only cotton stuffing you can't hurt it, but it might help releve some of the SH feelings. Just a thought.

It's a great idea Jacques but it's not that simple. As you already know.

The rubber band on wrist

Drawing in red pen

Holding an ice cube on my wrist

Eating a chilli

Eating a lemon

Accepting it as just thoughts

Breathing meditation

Distract

Put the thoughts on a leaf and watching it float away

None of this helps I have tried.....

It's a great idea Jacques but it's not that simple. As you already know.

The rubber band on wrist

Drawing in red pen

Holding an ice cube on my wrist

Eating a chilli

Eating a lemon

Accepting it as just thoughts

Breathing meditation

Distract

Put the thoughts on a leaf and watching it float away

None of this helps I have tried.....

Sorry Jacques I've been having problems posting today, I don't know why the message came up twice.

yes i am having problems too, i wish their was some way to help. i suppose we just have to fight SH as best we can