14th year house bound

@Appleblossom,

please don't stop, this is a thread for everyone, you story is so touching, so sad, some children have an exceptionally tough life, no doubt about it, but i do think whether we agree or not all parents do their best in the circumstances they have to deal with, @Appleblossom, @Former-Member & @hiddenite, you are all great mums, you have all done the best you can with really tough circumstances, having things in the end does not mean anything, a parents love, affection and attention means so much more, even if the child does not appreciate it.

I think all parents feel like they have failed their children, their is such pressure for a child to have a wonderful life, plenty of money and things, but everyone has their own barriers and struggles in life. I think if a child turnes into a well adjusted adult, than as a parent you have all done more than your jobs.

Take care ladies/mothers, past and current mothers, try not to be too hard on yourselves.

Jacques

Good morning my angel,

My thoughts are with you, i am here if you need me.

Take care

Jacques

Thank you @Jacques

@PeppiPatty your stories are touching too ...I am sad for any young men entering a life dominanted by serious MI ..

I have been so over the blame game for a while ... I know why my rich rellies are like they are ... but if a death warrants an enquiry ... then 3 pre-mature deaths and my treatment also warrant one. When sorting through the practicalities of mum's death last year and I first saw retired bigshot uncle head of 1/3 of major Aussie icon company with drugdealer son ... he started with a boast about an art exhibition ... and a pseudo polite attack to my son ... "Why weren't you there" ... I was so glad to have access to my words on that interaction ... I said "the best form of defence is a good offence" ... "dont take anything any of them says personally". No I dont "blame" them but I am sick of being blamed myself and being played for a fool.

the mods say dont read too much if it upsets you ... but I am upset ... and the Mentally Ill and their genuine carers are my tribe.

Robert Sapolski is interesting in that he believes in a biopsychosocial model of MI. I like the idea of a Good Science I have since my 20s so its nothing new for me .... but good to bring me up to speed on the . Biology and genetics have come a long way since the 1980s ... but basically there is no Schizophrenia gene ... despite what everyone has said to me over the years ... they would have isolated it by now.... its nuerons, nuero transmitters and clusters and spectrums ... not black and white at all.

Genes AUTS2 and CDH8 may be implicated ... but also damage to them and mutation is part of the problem... and he used the perseveration word ... and talks about people being insanely simplistic ... love this guy ... it will keep me busy reading

Hi Jacques struggling today can't stop shaking. I'm so worried about the appointment with my treating team.

Hope you are ok

Karen

hi my angel,

I am so sorry you are struggling today, it may be too late now but what can I do to help?

I am really exhausted today, I just tried to sleep this morning, but can't because of this restless leg syndrome, it is driving me mad. I am really low today too, for no reason at all, just feel really sad.

My angel iI hope the girls appointment goes quickly this afternoon, and you can get back to the safety of your car.

My thoughts are with you my angel

Jacques

Jacques, Karen, and all you others that frequent this thread,

I don't get here often, but I do read all the posts... eventually. I am still here.

I would like to have my quick(?) say on the few topics that have swung past and hope I'm not dragging up uncomfortable feelings if you have managed to get past things that you struggled with.

First, Jacques, please listen to your friends here. It may be hard for you to allow yourself to accept that you are naturally a really nice and decent person. Yes we can all say things that someone somewhere will take offence to. That is just the nature of all the different people in the world. We all see things differently. It is ok. It makes life more interesting.

Second, with respect to all the mums in this thread: you are all doing an amazing job!

My mum had had a tough childhood. Poor roles models. She had all the reasons to be an awful person. My dad grew up with the nicest family. Through my dad's natural kindness and his lovely family, he was able to unlock the kindness and sweetness in my mum. I know she struggled in some areas because her parents didn't teach/show her what a nice parent was like. She did her best. I was lucky that her best was pretty darn good.

Most importantly, my mum was a better parent than her parents were. I'm not mad at my mum's parents either. I'm sure they did the best they could given their tough childhoods too.

I think that is what we should aspire to - being better parents than our parents. That doesn't necessarily mean that our parents were failures, or that we have to be perfect. Each generation of parents is slowly getting better at it. I hope and expect my children to be better than me, and I'm more than ok with that. It means I will have given them a better platform to start from.

Jacques,

You may feel you have let your mum down by not living the life you think she expects of you, but your mum loves you as you are. She is proud that you are the awesome, kind and loving son that cares for her.

Perhaps you didn't live the "perfect" life where you married your high school sweetheart, had 2.3 children, a big house and a fancy car etc. But practically nobody ever has (especially the 2.3 kids part ). Life is not that convenient. Life is messy and awkward.

You are doing your life just fine. You didn't ask for MI, but you are doing it just fine. You are doing it with a big kind heart, and that wins.

Karen,

It does suck that your mum doesn't know how to say "gee your yard is so huge. Looking after it on your own must wear you out. How is your knee coping? Can I fix you a cuppa?". My wife's dad is the same. Super critical. Never learned how to say nice and supportive things. You would think it wouldn't be so hard, but apparently it is.

It seems somehow you have learned to say nice things.

A few years ago when my MI was at its worst, so was I. I feel so bad for my kids, especially my son who copped the brunt of my frustrations with lots of yelling. He needed some help from a Speechie and Occ Therapist. Now that I am improving, I can see that being supportive and loving to my kids is helping them. My son used to trash his room in frustration nearly every week. Now it is rare and not overly severe.

My MI wasn't all roses for my kids. I can also see that coming out the other side makes me a more compassionate and understanding parent. This is the good that will help my kids. It will more than make up for the bad.

You are a wonderful mum. Your kids (and you) got dealt a very difficult hand, but you are doing an awesome job. Your kids will one day be able to let you know. For now, on behalf of your kids, "Thanks for being a super mum!".

Tony

What a thoughtful and considered post @SnowGuy ... sometimes I wish we could press the "like" button more than once ... but I understand that situation ... just wishing ...

Thank you so much @SnowGuy, i know mum is proud of me, i just wish i could have forfilled more for her, it is so embarrasing for her when she sees family or her friends and they talk about how successful they are and ask how i am going, she has to say "sorry i don't want to talk about him" just to change the subject.

I know people view what i say differently, but it really knocked me around the other day, so i might just post to the ones on here closest to me for a while, just till i get my bearings again. and figure out how to word things a little better.

i second what you say about parents, i don't think parents intentionally hurt their children, they do the best they can under the curcumstances they find themselves in. you are right, as long as things progress through the generations everyone is doing well.

Take care

Jacques

Hi My angel,

i hope the girls appointment has gone ok and you are back home.

I know how much you are worried about tomorrow so i thought i might distract you with some more photos of my garden, please forgive the dead lawn, water costs a lot, we have had a 50% increase in the price of water, so we had to let the lawn go.

This is my back yard.

And this is my driveway