14th year house bound

Karen, my angle, i am always going to be here for you, like you are for me, so what are you and the girls up to tonight?

i am watching RPA, it is amazing what the doctors can do and how caring they are.

Karen I bet you are feeling sore and sorry tonight, working those muscles on the gutters, I know I ache in places I didn't even know I had muscles, I hope you are not too sore in the morning.

The girls and I have been doing mandalas, they are in bed now.

I'm watching RPA as well.

Yes I'm really sore especially my knee.

The girls have an appointment tomorrow with the pediatrician so it's another waiting room, strange people, I'm so tired of all the appointments.

My treating team Wednesday

The girl psychologist Thursday

Oh that is good, an early night for them, i hope you get some rest too.

OMG i thought i was the only one who watched it, the lady who had all the body fat removed, i was considering doing the same when i lost all the weight, not now though.

Oh i bet you are sick of the appointments, i wil be here if you need support, just remember you are making sure the girls are well, that is the main thing, you are so busy all the time Karen, no wonder you are struggling, you don't get a break. just try and get rest when you can, even if it is only for 30 min, it does make all the difference.

Thanks j I'm going to have an early night. Good night, talk to you tomorrow

Take care

Karen

Good night my angel, i will be thinking of you, i hope all goes well tomorrow.

Take care

Jacques

LJ

I took my biological daughter to a play therapist for a while ... it was when she was about 8-9 ... I know it was good for her. The therapist knew my old lecturer and was just back from the UK with latest training etc ... new about issues with multiple attachments etc ...The big half-sister was so dominating and controlling It was before I managed to get them into separate bedrooms. I know it is not politically correct to say a child is cruel ... but she did take pleasure in developing fear in the younger sibs and me .. I just needed to get my daughter out of the house and play normally without all the BS and harshness and sadism ... thats how desperate I was ... Sometimes children do need to face up to the fact that they were wirnessing a person in pain and its not all about having an eternally blissful 25 years for maturation ... what is happening to the new generations? Sorry but if kids in orphanages can have compassion whats wrong with the latest batch of humans ... that hang onto grudges against parents for 3-5 decades .. are their expectations out of whack with reality?

I am sure there were disturbed kids in the homes but it wasnt aimed at me .... I was beaten up and sexually abused by gangs of older boys in 2 situations, outside of the homes.... In a foster situation and with own parents.

I was lectured early in my therapy to look on the bright side of life and I have tried to milk my experience for positives among the MI, abandonments and deaths and somehow pass on good things and not get too bitter .. Now, all the other ex-homies cant believe it when I come up with comments that are affirmative, like the knitting girls.

No one generation is intent on hating their mothers or holding grudges ... I had been looking at other sites and researching but in the end I was upset by all the mother rage I read ... my post wasnt just a response to this site ... I am sorry if it read as if that was the case.

I liked Robert Sapolski and Alice Miller (child advocate) and figure she had it tough in WWII but her son still complained and felt cut off from her ...but you are right some people do have huge senses of entitlement ... if we give our kids a bit more than we got maybe that is as ood as it gets .. I came back here after looking around online and want to keep voicing the importance of understanding from different points of view .. that we dont just nurse grudges about our parents but try to understand the circumstances they faced ... I have done that ... and wont take the neglect and strange behaviours personally ... I know my parents struggled with huge things ... my dad was in orphanages too and was a team player and lived in crews on ships as family ... perhaps that is why I stress the capacity of kids to be compassionate without a hell a lot of provisions ... he also had a big social conscience ... it just was warped by the time I came around ...

I am trying to open dialogue about motherhood and parenthood ... but mothers tend to be more entwined and often seen as more culpable in etiology of MI... I am used to being treated as a monster mum ... If I indulge my desire for reunion with my daughter my functioning goes out the window ... my sucidality through the roof ... my biological children will suffer more from my suicide than my ex-step ... so I am learning to treat the loss of my daughter like another grief and death. Now that I have been able to look around .. by any standards its a lot of loss to endure ... I know I put my shoulder to the plough.

I wasnt referring to anybody in particular, certainly not you. @Former-Member I wouldnt want anyone to internalise any generalisation I make ... It is just sad that women are turned against other women.... mothers against daughters and vice-versa. I just wonder what is driving it ... its pretty common

I feel I was robbed of my biological daughter and my right to use, utter or write, little words like "we", "us", "all", etc ... I am trying to make my crazy experience mean something. My daughter was robbed of her childhood and has toughened up and to her credit has a wonderful career and home ... but family breakdown is troubling ... I visited her across town often and gave her an Easter Bag at her flat ... she was out and her teacher took the bag from me ... yes my daughter was living with her old teacher who started grooming my girl in Year 9 ... but the teacher promised their Principal "it" started after my daughter was 21.

I think it is important that any community has people in all stages in the life cycle. At the moment you and Karen are our 2 most present active mums of young uns and you are both fully extended. I think that is a fair reason for those without experience of child-rearing to keep a slightly open mind about the pressures of motherhood (and fatherhood) ... in different cultures and generations... Australia in 2015 is a mixed bag ....

I also read the carers forum and am reflecting on the carers and parents posting there ... some of them are weathering extreme abusive behaviour from kids they love and are doing hard yards for ... I never dismiss the violent ... its a tragedy ... but a far bigger one than my family ... its a pandemic ... I try to understand ... am striving for balance.

@Jacques is one of the few people who has said positive things about his mum. I dont want to prolong this discussion on his thread as J has his own stuff going on ...

Hope you are ok mate.