14th year house bound

Thanks for the pictures hope I get to see them

So Karen,

Last night when you told me the area you lived it i was telling mum, and guess what, mu uncle lived in the same area in the 1980's, mum said it is so beautiful their.

I hope your little ducklings come to visit, i will take some photo's of the wetlands here, their are ducklings and goslings, you will love them.

Do the girls like the house, yard? i bet they are going to have a wonderful time running around the property. i know i would.

Thanks Jacques understand.

I think I will call it a night. Thank for everyone for your support.

Goodnight

Promise me you will stay safe tonight Karen. Good night i will be thinking of you my friend

good morning My angel,

II hope your little girl is not too distressed going to school today, I hope you managed last night, I worried about you, I am here if you want to talk today, anytime, I am having a nice quiet day

Take care my angel

Jacques

hi @Jacques

i'm new to the thread. I can relate, except I live alone with a pet. no family, no human relationships, just my little pet!

sounds like you're out of the house now, visiting the zoo. How about starting a new thread? the title '14th year housebound', sounds outdated now, like you've moved on. maybe that's something to acknowledge, even celebrate with a shiny new thread .

I have no friends but trying very hard to make some. Tough. Socialising, I use white lies to get by; I say I work. base it on a previous job so I can answer some details if they ask for them. then if I have enough energy I explain the truth: my passion & fulfilment are in my hobbies. some people don't get it & give me career advice! some people ask for details about my hobbies, it's kind of a drag to explain them as they are obscure & often misunderstood & people often ask for advice on something I'm not interested in! for me, white lies are morally fine, they don't hurt anybody & in fact can put people at ease in my company & save their feelings.

Other skills I'm working on are conversation skills/boundaries for when I feel uncomfortable (i.e. petrified with social & other anxieties) socialising...

- I change the topic. that can be hard when my mouth wants to say 'would you just be quiet!?' and my mind strains to find a new topic.

- be assertive and say, "I'm not comfortable with that, would you mind if we talk about something else?". that is so hard when I feel probed & violated by people's questions & curiosity, all my mouth wants to say is, "how dare you"

- when my attempts fall on deaf ears, leave. take a loo break or leave the whole thing early. when my attempts fall on deaf ears, I feel deeply offended, my heels dig in deep & I want to scream "how dare you!" but you can't do that. ideally, i find it's best to take a loo break or leave. but in the moment, I often feel frozen & confused, believe I can genuinely sort this conflict out, that it will pave the way for & be rewarded with a caring, lasting friendship (whereas for the last umpteenth times, it turns out the other person is indifferent towards me in this situation, they already have tonnes of friends/family & I can waste a lot of care & energy trying to befriend them. That hurts). Working on this one; I have managed to do it a few times & it at least reduced the triggering that follows for days afterwards.

- take feedback. Ouchee-wah-wah. Feedback hurts but those hometruths can give me perspective & something to work on. It pains me to say, I've been told I'm too candid and too serious. and self-righteous. Ouch. but there it is. my goal is to lighten up without being too vulnerable, that's hard for me.

there's a lot for me to learn out there in the social world. socialising is exhausting to me, especially if its new people & conversation, I wonder if once a fortnight is the maximum I can deal with.

As you can see, I got a lot going on in my inability to relate to people, not just social anxiety! anyways, hope it's a little helpful to hear my current attempts at socializing, you're not alone in struggling.