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14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor14 May 2015, 10:54 am AEST

14th year house bound

Hi Everyone,

I am new hear, after being removed from other mental health forums for my depressive thoughts i thought i would give this forum a try, this is my story.

I am 33 live with my mother, i am almost compeatly housebound, i leave my house once in the morning for a walk at 6am and maybe once during the week, both times i leave the house fill me with great anxiety, i have no friends, (the last friend i had was in 2001), i have never had a job, never had a girlfriend and never been able to leave my parents side, my father died in 2001 and i have always suffered seperation anxiety the last time i had a night away from home was 1994 for one night (parents had to pick me up at midnight because i was so frantic).

I have spent most of the past 14 years in my room, or the shed, never much out of the yard, no one in my town knows me, people stare and ask each other behind my back if any one knows who i am.

I have only had an income for the past year and spend the previous 7 with no income at all, mum had to use all of her life savings to allow me to live with her and she now has nothing.

I only want to live long enough to care for her in her old age and then i plan to take my own life, i knew from an early age my life would turn out like this, but had no idea how horrible it would be, every day is the same, i often wonder why i keep going, i have very little contact with family (maybe once a year) and i am really struggling to keep going.

Please don't feel distressed about what i am saying, and i am so sorry if i have offended anyone, it is just how i feel.

Their is so much more, but i will leave it at that for the moment, i am shaking and the anxiety is kicking in so thankyou for reading and i will add more later.

Jacques

2719 replies

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In response to: 14th year house bound

hiddeniteSenior Contributor22 July 2015, 3:09 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Yea thanks J
I bet you have a good laugh the mess I get myself into without even trying 😉

In response to: 14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor22 July 2015, 4:47 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Oh My Gosh @hiddenite, you have made my day, i was feeling really down until you told me about the 20 screaming flowers, oh my gosh i laughed for ages, i can't stop smiling now. it sounds hilarious.

Karen i am so glad you are going to give it a go getting out of that toxic environment, it is not good for you and not good for your children's well being, it will mean more responsibility, but i think it will do your self esteem a lot of good as well as your self worth.

i am so proud of you, last week you where i a bad state now you are thinking of the future for your family, congratulations i am sure you will do what is best for you and your children. i would love it if you could keep me updated with the renos if you buy it, might give me some ideas on my renos.

hey this forum might turn into an episode of better homes and gardens , hey good to see you using emoticons (smiley faces) you are really getting the hang of the Internet, another thing i am proud of you for. you are such an intelligent person, i am sure you and your children will be happy in such an idyllic setting next to the river.

If you need any support just come to this forum, i will support you through anything.

take care and good luck with the custumes and school pickup, wow i don't think i could do the school pickup thing, too many people, see you are stronger than me.

from your proud friend Jacques

In response to: 14th year house bound

hiddeniteSenior Contributor22 July 2015, 5:41 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Hey J

I have cut out paper plates and stapled yellow cardboard in the shape of petals. Then elastic around to keep it on.
im making streamers to hang from theit arms in yellow and green.
all custom made so it fits every child properly.
some of the chikdren are taller than me!!!!! They are only 6-7 years old ahhhhhh 🙂
So glad you are laughing. No wonder I get locked up in the mhu. That place is a pinic compared to all those children.

Keep laughing J I'll get you back one day just wait and see.....
karen

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor22 July 2015, 7:08 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

OMG @hiddenite you have no idea how much i needed that today i was so down, so angry, so sad, so depressed, it was something that really lifted my mood, thank you.

Wow they sound like they are all going to be pretty colourful, screaming colourful kids, i can't believe 6-7 year olds are bigger than you, oh my gosh, yes i have heard children can be a handful.

i am so glad to see you finding something enjoyable, it was so nice of your daughter to get you to make the costumes, she must love you very much, and think a lot of you.

i am so proud you are taking tiny steps to recovery and happyness, i can already see a big change in you from your words. sure their will be some bumps along the way but you are moving forward.

Well good luck with the costume making, sounds like you are going to have quite the mess when you are done with all those streamers and cardboard.

We're off to see the wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
We hear he is a whiz of a wiz, if ever a wiz there was
If ever, oh ever a wiz there was, The Wizard of Oz is one because
Because, because, because, because, because
Because of the wonderful things he does
We're off to see the wizard, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz

Jacques

In response to: 14th year house bound

hiddeniteSenior Contributor22 July 2015, 8:16 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Oh J
that is hilarious
I havent laughed so much in a real long time.
thank you....

tomorrow while you are walking you can think of me helping to teach 20 very uncoordinated children how to dance.
hopefully there are no injuries and they keep their clothes on......
good night j

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor22 July 2015, 8:50 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Good Night @hiddenite My Angel.

Sleep well, i don't know if i will all i have going round and round in my head is the wizard of oz song, aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh..

Have fun with teachign dancing, it would be a scream to watch. you are so wonderful, i am glad you are my friend, i am still smirking at the thought of flowers dancing.

Jacques

In response to: 14th year house bound

hopeandsupportSenior Contributor23 July 2015, 5:19 am AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

I just get angry when i read your story, RUN dont walk to your house in the country! I too used to hide in my car from my husband, your family sound horrible. They will miss YOU, someone to blame or whatever, i don't know, but if you can get your peace of mind, go for it. I used to get terrible anxiety and panic attacks before I left my husband. Now I am fine, on my own. You need to be around people who will treat you properly and there are plenty of nice people out there. Don't be afraid, you need to set up boundaries for your family, maybe don't tell them where you are, and only visit them when you feel like it. You need to take your power back.

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor23 July 2015, 7:44 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Hi @hiddenite My Angel,

i hope today went well, i can imagine how anxiety provoking being around all those children can be, remember, you never fail just learn for next time

i hope the costumes are going well, and you are finding some time for yourself.

not much to report spent most of the day sleeping.

Take Care & here is a bunch of flowers to congradulate you on being so strong and taking one more step to recovery

Jacques

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

NikNikSenior Contributor23 July 2015, 8:08 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

@Jacques
I find it hilarious that you have given @hiddenite a bunch of flowers after creating 20 handmade flowers in the past week 🙂 Coincidence?
(there's even yellow ones in there!)

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

JacquesSenior Contributor23 July 2015, 10:05 pm AEST

Re: 14th year house bound

Hi @NikNik

I am glad i am not the only one that sees the irony in the flowers, i hope @hiddenite gets a laugh when she sees them

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