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14th year house bound

14th year house bound

Hi Everyone,

I am new hear, after being removed from other mental health forums for my depressive thoughts i thought i would give this forum a try, this is my story.

I am 33 live with my mother, i am almost compeatly housebound, i leave my house once in the morning for a walk at 6am and maybe once during the week, both times i leave the house fill me with great anxiety, i have no friends, (the last friend i had was in 2001), i have never had a job, never had a girlfriend and never been able to leave my parents side, my father died in 2001 and i have always suffered seperation anxiety the last time i had a night away from home was 1994 for one night (parents had to pick me up at midnight because i was so frantic).

I have spent most of the past 14 years in my room, or the shed, never much out of the yard, no one in my town knows me, people stare and ask each other behind my back if any one knows who i am.

I have only had an income for the past year and spend the previous 7 with no income at all, mum had to use all of her life savings to allow me to live with her and she now has nothing.

I only want to live long enough to care for her in her old age and then i plan to take my own life, i knew from an early age my life would turn out like this, but had no idea how horrible it would be, every day is the same, i often wonder why i keep going, i have very little contact with family (maybe once a year) and i am really struggling to keep going.

Please don't feel distressed about what i am saying, and i am so sorry if i have offended anyone, it is just how i feel.

Their is so much more, but i will leave it at that for the moment, i am shaking and the anxiety is kicking in so thankyou for reading and i will add more later.

Jacques

2719 replies

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In response to: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

I'm glad you had a rest, I fell asleep for 2 hours this afternoon. The girls were playing with playdoh they were pretending they were on master chef and had to make all different foods then we're judged on whose were best. They had lots of fun.

In response to: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Hi @jazz,

I am not sure if this post is tlaking to me or someone else, but if it is for me, thank you

Yes it helps tremendisly to have family support, i would not have survived this long without it.

No i am not linked with any support services, i have no doctor, no treating team, no one, i had a councillor in 2012 but discontinued as i felt i was wasting their time, only 2 psycologists in my town, i have been to both of them, they both ended badly. My doctor retired last year, so i am just picking random ones now to have them not ask many questions.

Yes it is, i never planed to live this long, i was hoping to have died in my early 20's, but it never worked out for me, i am in uncharted territory, i hope i am not around for much longer, eveytime i think about getting to 40, 50, 60, i think OMG another decade of misery.

Thank you @jazz, it is very thoughtful of you to respond.

Take care

Jacques

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Good girl Karen, i am so glad you got some rest, i usually only get 1-1.5 hours of an afternoon, but it seems enough to reset my body and mood.

OMg that is so cute KAren, budding little chefs, i trained to be a chef when i was in highschool, i am sure the playdoe creations are much better than anything i could come up with. I used to love playdoe, mum had loads of it for me, so much fun. i am so glad the girls are happy Karen, i think you stress a little too much about them, they are young, they are at the best stage of their lives to get better mentally, you are doing all the right things. Yoou really should be proud of yourself, not many parents would give their children that level of care.

Karen, a personal question, you don't need to answer if you don't want to, thisafternoon you mentioned Opa was not well, are your parents Greek by any chance? That could explain a lot as to their attitudes with your MI, Greek culture looks down apon MI as a weekness, it is just they way they where brought up. i might be able to find some literature for them if you like.

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Hi Jacques, OMA and Opa are my husband's parents they are German.

My parents are Australian, my dad worked as a bank manager and my mum a retired minister.

That may explain a bit.

My husband's parents never agreed that he married an Australian they wanted him to marry an European.

So I was never accepted by them.

Just can't get anything right.

My husband was a chef before he became a real estate agent.

Hope this makes sense.

Karen

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Another really good thunderstorm even hail.

I wonder if it's still hot where you are j.

What nationality are you?

Jacques sounds French to me.....

Wow I thought you studied IT .

You are so interesting j, there is nothing you can't do.

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Sorry to get peronal KAren, i just thought that i might be able to help.

It is not your fault you are not German, they should not be judging you for your ethnicity anyway.

I hope this did not bring up any problems or thoughts for you, i was just trying to help.

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Hey Jacques no problems. I learnt so my about the European culture and yummy food.

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Hi My angel,

Oh yes very hot where i am 34 today, and not a sign of the rain they said was comming, iti s good you got some rain to help with the fires.

I am 1 generation Australian, My Father was from Germany, and my mothers family are too, but mum is 3 generation.

Yes my father loved France, and French names, so i got given Jacques, if you knew my surname you would have a laugh, no one can pronounce it, i always get a laugh when i go to the doctors, they look at the paperwork, then look at the people, you can see the pleading in their eyes for someone to stand up so they don't have to try and say it, no one has got it right so far.

Yes i did study IT, when i was in primary school i always wanted to be a pastry chef, i did my first year of comercial cookery in year 11, but it did not suit me, so i dropped out. went into IT in stead.

Their is plenty i can't do Karen, no one is good at everything. A lot of my skills i learned over the past `14 years because we where so poor, i had to learn to fix things because mum could not afford to get tradies.

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Yeah that is good, i am glad you got some of the good things from your family, yes some of the food is delicious, and the culture is so different to ours. It still must be tough for you to still have to deal with his parents, i know my grandmother was really weird and had weird ways of doing things, she tried to take me away from mum and dad saying they where not good to me, i think it has something to do with the German genes.

In response to: Re: 14th year house bound

Re: 14th year house bound

Hey Jacques

Thanks for sharing some more about you. Yes some of those German surnames sure do get a bit complicated.

Mines not too bad but no one can spell it:-)

Do you cook at home?

I hope you don't mind me asking you questions

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