14th year house bound

Hi Jacques

My youngest is still getting croup every three weeks. She is seen regularly by a pediatrician but still no answers as to why she is so unwell.

Good luck with the plumber tomorrow. I can understand why your anxiety is so high, you've been really busy anyone would find it challenging.

Well I'm back in this room again.

I still haven't managed to get control of what happens to me having to be here......

Karen

Hi Karen,

I don't think you will ever be able to get control of your emotions in that room, it is always going to be triggering, to many bad memories, but i am here to distract you.

So tonight, well a little lamb is lost again, the silly little buggers go adventuring and get lost, the calf has pulled all the hay apart, it is everywhere, it was so funny to see, he got into trouble yesterday, when the farm hand brought in the new bail of hay, the calf was eating it off the truck!!!!! the farm hand had to move the truck several times to be able to get in their to get it off the truck.

Miss chook was singing today, she was wanting some cabbager and carrots, she gets so excited she crouds the gate so no one can get in to give her the food scraps, then she spends the time chasing off all the hens, by the time she gets them all away form the food it is all gone.

i hope this helps Karen.

Hi j you know I love to hear about the farm it is so special,it makes my day.

We saw an echidna on the road today, the girls loved seeing it.

I hope you will get a break from having people at your house it must be so difficult for you j. But I'm sure your mum is proud of you taking the time into making the house a home.

Sorry j I just don't seem to have the words to explain my thoughts and feelings everything is so scrambled.

I don't trust my thoughts which is really hard to admit. I'm tired of holding safety,I'd like a break from that responsibility for awhile.

I suppose that's why I'm thinking that being back in the mhu would be a better option. But I don't know.

I can't believe I would ever think that knowing how awful the mhu is.

I suppose I'm trying to find another option but I'm all out.

Karen

Karen, you are doing well, i know things are difficult, and i think being in a place so triggering is not helping your thought proccess, it is the adrenaline running through your body, that could explain why you are so tired all the time.

I know it is a tough decision for you, but you need to look after yourself Karen, for you and the girls.

Ooooh and echidna, i have not seen one of those for a long time, they sometimes come walking through my yard, so do turtles, i don't know where they come from, but they seem to come through about this time of year.

Karen you should really look into inpatient care, so you can get care of a night but be free to go out of a day, their should be services in your area. please look into it, or if you are unable to i will find something for you.

Thanks j I appreciate you looking out for me.

It's so difficult you are the only one I trust, I can't talk to my parents they already told me I should just get over it and stop running away.

I don't have any other friends.

I know you understand, I'm just trying to make sense of my thoughts.

J more games and music tonight?

It's going to be 1 overnight here I hope you are rugged up for the night.

Have you been doing any mandalas, the girls and I make sure we do at least one a day. They certainly help distract, when the girls are struggling, they enjoy them so much.

My youngest has downloaded a game where she can make her own mandalas and then color them in. I didn't even know she could do that stuff. She knows more than me and she is only 7....

Anyway j good luck for tomorrow and hope you are doing ok.

Take care

Karen

Hi Karen,

I am always worried about you Karen, it seems you are all i think about, worried about how you are, what you are doing and how you aare going to cope tomorrow, as i have said previously you are my best friend.

It is ok i am all you need , Karen you have friends, @Appleblossom, @PeppiPatty, @CherryBomb, etc.

Karen take some strength from the fact their are many here struggling, me included, you are not going through this alone, many of us understand.

Oh yes it is getting very nippy here, i think we are the same, 1, but it is going to be 32 tomorrow, so i will enjoy the cool while i can.

Oh yes Mandalas every day for me, i am really enjoying them, thank you so much for telling me about them.

I told you the young ones are brilliant at technology, i bet their are kids half my age that could teach me a thing or two and i have been in Information Technology for nearly 20 years!!!!!!!!

Karen you have 2 kind, intellegent girls their, you should be proud of them, they sound like great kids.

Be safe my angel

Jacques

Well my friend I worry about you to. If I could come up with a way help you I would j. I spent my time trying to work out how I can get you to accept help from more than the GP. But I'm guessing that you are as stubborn as me. Even if you could try to get meds that don't have so many side effect. There is help out there for you too j.

Your plan frustrates me because I would be devistated if anything ever happened to you j. I understand it's your life and decision. I see an extremely talented, knowledgeable, kind, thoughtful, caring person, and I only want the best for you.

If I could just show you how important you are.

Goodnight my friend stay safe

Karen

Oh Karen,

I am so sorry i didn't think you would put so much time into worrying about me, i should not say the things i have said, it is too much of a burden on you, i know their is probably help out their for me, i am just to frightened to let go of my anxiety, it keeps me safe and keeps me from making stupid mistakes.

Karen i am so sorry about telling you about my plans too, i should have kept it to myself, my time is coming to an end one day, but for the moment i am here for you Karen, as long as mum is alive, Karen i wish you could understand the situation i am in, i have never left my mothers side in 33 years, not for 1 night, i could not go on with out her.

Karen you are so sweet, i am so glad you are my friend, i wish we had met a lot sooner than now, you are the only woman i can talk to , i would be too shy to talk to you face-to-face.

Karen i can see in your writing how important i am to you, and i hope you see how important you are to me, i am so frightened that one day i am going to wake up and you will not be their, actually i have lost a lot of sleep worrying about you when we where unable to talk for those few months, i was so devastated and distressed by your absence. i really never thought we would ever speak again, even my family could not get over how distressed i was.

Karen you are my friend and always will be, you are the only person i have ever trusted so much, it really scares me to be so open with you, i am always worried of being hurt.

Take care my angel, please be kind to yourself.

Jacques

Karen i have found a fnatastic site from the Vic government, can you please check it out when you are up to it.

http://www.health.vic.gov.au/mentalhealthservices/adult/index.htm

Their maybe some services close to you.

@Jacques

I feel for you, I just want you to know that WE are here for you brother, thanks to this community and the internet interacting with humans has become easier, with that being said you can always count on me to be here for you friend, you're a great person and I understand you have obstacles to overcome, but you're not alone and you never will be

-B