My Hospital Stay

Hi @utopia

I am really concerned about you, you are going through an extremely tough time at the moment, please keep reaching out on the forums for some extra support to get through this, I have also sent you a check in email.

Lunar

Sending good thoughts your way @utopia and hoping things get better for you.

Hello @utopia

I know it's a horrible feeling when you hit something with your car. You've shown what a caring soul you have by looking so hard for the animal and it's owner. It's not your fault that the animal was able to roam.

I deeply feel for what your going through with your child, you want to shield them, protect them, that's a good Mother's instinct and definitely part of such a caring soul. But maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing for your child to learn about how the physical processes of the brain can go wrong, perhaps it would make them a better person; it may even enhance not only their own life, but the lives of everyone around them - your child is young, if they learn to 'see' internal emotional pain, it may even help them with their own - as everybody goes through it some time in their life.

I understand you liking your suicidal fantasy a little. I often wish there was an option to being a burden on society and in particular my child. If only the Human Race could accept death, then perhaps it could be seen as a positive thing. Releasing all the resources to the next generation and those that want to live. Perhaps there wouldn't be so many genetically passing on these debilitating physical problems to their children. My fantasy is to be legally able to go to a medical professional and receive a painless, peaceful, even dignified 'life termination'. But . . . there is always a but hey - that is not the case and suicide is seen as very negitive and often affects those left behind very badly.

I haven't touched a drop for nearly 10 years and yet I still get that strong desires you speak of, but it's not constantly on my mind anymore, not even an every day thing any more. It does get easier, though it may not ever entirely go away.

Maybe your brain is 'bringing forth' everything negitive and not letting you 'see' the positive things you constantly do. Caring with every fibre of your soul, fighting a continuous battle, seeking help in any way you can - not just for you, but for everyone in your life

I am really glad you made that appointment and the hard decision to look after yourself and if hospital is what needs to happen than that is for the best @utopia , thank you for letting us know. Here for support if you need in the mean time x