My Hospital Stay

Did I mention ..... you can do this @utopua ..... 💜💕🤗

Hi @utopia. I just wanted to say hi and you are doing so well under really tough circumstances. It will get better but it will take time. I lost both my youngest sons. I lost S4 to his step dad at 14. He came back to me at 15 but by default a bit so I can't offer you anything on that one. I just let him know that I was there and he was welcome anytime. I think the trick is to show them you know them well and for me it took have very open honest conversations which I know you will do. I apologised so much to them both for letting them down. I also took S4 at 16 to headspace kind of against his will. I promised him he just had to go once but he knew he was struggling with everything. You are a little in the same situation. Mine was abandoned by his three parents. His bio dad when he was a baby, his step father who he loved like his dad and then me mentally. I was often physically present but mentally awol. I explained to him that he had it tough and it was ok to talk to the psychologist about how let down he was and it was ok to be angry at me. The interesting part was that the hidden anger that rose to the top was anger at his bio dad. I know your situation might be different but I am so glad I made him go. He's had 6 visits in a few months last year and 5 this year but for now has resolved lots that was going on in his head. He still sometimes gets mad at me for not being like his friends mums or the mum he remembered mostly growing up but he is much more tolerant of me now too and we have a pretty good relationship and he is doing ok. It took the counselling to help realise that he was loved and cared for, although he has to be independent more than his friends. I think my mum would make it harder for my kids to come back to as she would do everything for them. This is possibly not helping but I truly believe that when he trusts you and feels like it's his choice he'll come back. You know I also lost S3 who ran away at 16. I never got him back to live with me but I won my son back and my relationship has never been better with him. I don't think we would have been as close if he'd moved back home. Last weekend he tagged me on Facebook for the first time ever aged 20. He tagged me in a live version of one of my favourite songs he remembers me playing when he was about 14. I was so moved by this. It was better than any mother s day present ever. It was slow and gentle with him too. You've got this. Don't beat yourself up or give up now. You are in the long slow steady race of rebuilding a fractured relationship. It's not broken just a fracture that can heal like new. Here with you @utopia and sending my love. 💜🤗💐

Wow one paragraph. Sorry 😳:face_with_rolling_eyes:😳:face_with_rolling_eyes:😳

Mum just rang me and said she spoke to my son after I left. She said he needs to talk to me. He said he did. He said he didn't want to come home at the moment. That he will come home when he's ready.
I said he didn't say that. He's not saying anything to me. She said he doesn't want to go to talk to someone. He doesn't need to.
His dad is overseas at the moment. So he hasn't seen him for over a month and a half. I don't know whether he'll talk to his dad when he gets back. They don't normally talk about personal things. And my ex husband doesn't believe in mental illness. Says it's all 'in my head'. Lol.
He has a male and female health counsellor at work that he can speak to privately. He refuses. HeadSpace visit their school regularly. He refuses to speak to them.
Whether he comes home at night - he has to talk to someone - for his own health.
I'm guttered. But I took 2 prn calmers earlier - to try not to focus on drinking and my dark mood.
Thanks everyone. Just feel lost. And struggling without a drink. At least I get to see my psychogist tomorrow, for me.

@utopia I think that is a step in the right direction. He needs to feel in control and that you are too. He obviously wants to come home and knows he will. In the meantime it's all about you, the things that will help you get through each day. You have a chance to focus just on you. Please be gentle on you and have faith that he'll come back. If you can find you again you will both be better off in the long term. You have given your son so much and for now he is safe and cared for. This is the time for you to really look after you. I remember @utopia dancing and feeling free doing the housework and making me smile writing about it. She's still there. The amazingly strong and smart utopia with a can do attitude is still there and I see her putting up such a huge fight to make things better. Please have the hope and faith that you can do this. We all do.
Sending reassuring hugs 💜🤗💐