My Hospital Stay

@Former-Member ♥♥

God life is hard sometimes.
Went over to see my son at my mums place. Said I'd drive him to where he gets picked up for soccer practice. Nope. He'll walk. I say I'll watch his soccer game on Saturday. No. Doesn't want me there. Is considering if I can pick him and his friends up from the big town late Saturday night. He and a few mates will go for dinner and a movie after soccer, to celebrate my sons 15th birthday.
Feel like I'm having to tiptoe around him.
I ask, when are you coming home.
Dunno.
How about you come for a night or two.
Dunno.
I said to put down your ph and have a conversation with me. He doesn't want to. I said, well I think it's time you came home. This living with (my mum) is only a temporary solution. He knows. I said, so come home, even for a night.
Don't want to. I said why. He says dunno.
I said, you need to talk to someone about what is going on for you. Otherwise it will eat you up inside.
Don't need to.
So I say, organise to talk to someone this week, or I'll book you in with my psychologist.
Don't want to.
I said tough. You need to speak to someone, so I'll make an appointment for you.
Mum tells me later, that she doesn't think it's appropriate for me to make an appointment for my son with a psychologist, if he doesn't want to go.
I said, when he's sick, regardless of what he says, I take him to the gp. How is this any different? He's struggling and he needs help.
Had to go to the shops to grab a few things to make dinner tonight. Avoided going to the bottle shop. But boy, I really want a drink right now, badly.
What's the point of trying to stay sober, and do all this work on myself, if he won't talk to me, or come home.
I'm trying to stay sober, so I can manage my depression.
I'm trying to manage my depression, so I don't get suicidal.
I'm trying not to die, so he won't feel pain or guilt in loosing his mum.
But seriously. What for. A drink will at least take my pain away for a while.
A ridiculous fantasy has been playing in my head for months now. Getting blind drunk and then walking inro the mountains. Simply getting lost, vanishing, dying.
Life shouldn't have to be this hard.

Here with you @utopia .....

15 yo boys are like that anyway ...... as are 13 yo girls ...... they have to earn their baby dragon stripes by burning their Mumma occasionally ...... grrrr .....

Keep working with him @utopia. He is likely wanting to know that you're in this for the long term, so he is hanging back ..... and he will want to see you handing frustration and disappointment without the drink ..... he will want to see that even without him there you are creating a home, and home-life structure - meals, shopping, washing, etc .....

Start keeping house for you, with the door open so to speak, so he will peer in and see that it's all in order.

Can you put a pot-plant or two out the front .... throw placemats or a tablecloth or something on the table .... maybe a new cushion in the lounge .... $5 worth if you can afford it ..... but something new to show that life is moving forward ..... you're keeping house - meaning that you are keeping yourself together in all ways .....

💜

I bet it was @Shaz51 ..... I think most kids dream of their separated or deivorced parents getting back together, and a new partner puts a major spanner in those works, and that age group - teen dragons - are the worst .....

Being a sweetheart, I guess you have won most of them over ......

💕💐🌷

Wow, @utopia, sounds like today’s been rough. Such a difficult conversation to have when your teenager son isn’t really giving you much at all, and just keeps pushing you away right now.

Everyone sharing their experiences with kids, like @Faith-and-Hope and @Shaz51is eye-opening for me. The struggle in communication and losing it during those tough times.

It’s one day where you feel like you didn’t achieve anything positive, but just because nothing moved in the direction you hoped it’s just laying groundwork for him and building trust. He will move back with you at some point, I hope you can find some self-love and compassion for yourself if a conversation like this happens again.

In the meantime, I hope keeping in touch with the forums will be good for you tonight? Please reach out if you are struggling with these thoughts, so you won’t be alone. Is it at all possible to think back to any replacement coping strategies you might have practiced or started using?