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Something’s not right

who am i- may trigger

outlanderSenior Contributor04 May 2017, 7:08 pm AEST

who am i- may trigger

so ive been through some traumatic events and i feel it has changed me but in the process ive lost who i am and i dont know how to get 'me' back
im having alot of trouble moving forward and i dont even know where to start
ive been diagnosed with complex ptsd, health anxiety, social phobia, severe depressio and severe GAD as well

i was sexually abused when i was abit yonger and its still affecting me and i still ahve troubles coming to terms that it was my fault.
ive witnessed my youngest sister get attacked by a dog and i still blame myself for it
for both of events i still get flashbacks and visons of lookin ahead as well as alot of emotions around these mixed in with depression and the other anxieties as well

im a carer for my pop and also a primary carer for my two younger sisters and i also have another small paying job which is horse holiday care.
im also studyin as well and its coming to the end of it now as well.

i recently lost my nan and i was a carer for her as well before she passed and towards the end she was in a really bad way and these memories still haunt me

ive also got mild scoliosis and that is enough to cause pain, a few torn ligamanets that may never heal and if they do they will still casue me pain
i had a disk in my neck that is damaged from a horse fall and it casue s me pain and wont full heal but all i can do is continue pain management and treatment

i dont have any friends outside the forums and i dont have the support of my family either which makes me feel like a total dissapointment and a looser

not that long ago ive had to get glasses and also have to keep getting my eyes checked as they thought my retina was going so thats fun

i recently had to have pelvic and abdominal exams and ultrasounds as my gp thinks i have a condtion thats casuing lack of periods as i ahvent had them for almsot 2 months now and showing other symptoms as well and they wanted to do std testing from my past as well
im at my gp at least every week and this week alone ive gone 3 times already

i dont know who i am anymore, i dont know how to rediscover myself. i dotn know how to move forward and i dont know where to go from here

106 replies

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In response to: who am i- may trigger

outlanderSenior Contributor09 May 2017, 6:13 pm AEST

Re: who am i- may trigger

Thank you heaps @Former-Member

I get my abdominal ultrasound results tomorrow arvo after i finish the exam

In response to: who am i- may trigger

outlanderSenior Contributor10 May 2017, 8:31 pm AEST

Re: who am i- may trigger

for shites sake- what friggin next!

In response to: who am i- may trigger

outlanderSenior Contributor15 May 2017, 12:11 am AEST

Re: who am i- may trigger

Aby other thoughts of how i can move forward

In response to: who am i- may trigger

outlanderSenior Contributor16 May 2017, 7:15 pm AEST

Re: who am i- may trigger

well over the past few days ive been coming to terms with this and i think im comfrotable to tell you guys now and that is that im bisexual

In response to: who am i- may trigger

outlanderSenior Contributor18 May 2017, 9:03 pm AEST

Re: who am i- may trigger

In response to: who am i- may trigger

outlanderSenior Contributor18 May 2017, 9:11 pm AEST

Re: who am i- may trigger

What to do hmmm

In response to: who am i- may trigger

Unknown userMember18 May 2017, 9:55 pm AEST

Re: who am i- may trigger

How did your scan go? I just had mine done. Covered in cysts and they want to operate. No thank you.

In response to: who am i- may trigger

outlanderSenior Contributor18 May 2017, 10:02 pm AEST

Re: who am i- may trigger

@Former-Member ive had sooo many tests and scans over the past few weeks so ill give u a quick rundown...

i had the breast cyst and it burst but now it looks like it could be coming back so nowi have to get that checked tomorrow
I have been getting really bad pains like gall bladdee issues but has numerous ultrasounds and they ahowed up clear ao they orderes bloods and are testing for everything and anything including h pylori
We thought it might be my meds so im.going off these ones and trying another and hopefully they work better

I got my pap smear results back the other day and i have a form of hpv so now we have to monitor that and hope it goes away and doesnt grow. That has shocked and scared the crap out of me. Im still scared of it

I faced a fear and got bloods done and so that results tomorrow.

So the gp appointment tomorrow is to ask 1001 more questions about the hpv, get the blood work back, talk about a breast exam, and i also missed 2 months of my period and thinking thats stress
Ans despite not having any signs of infection besides the hpv in the smear im having abnormal discharge and its not the most pleasant so ill have to talk to her about that as well

In response to: who am i- may trigger

Unknown userMember18 May 2017, 10:21 pm AEST

Re: who am i- may trigger

The joys of being young your body goes crazy. The good thing HPV it can be monitored and go away and is not life and death. Just need to use protection if you chose to have sex. It's also very comon. Most women our age have a lot of issues down there.

It sucks getting the tests and waiting.

I was 3 months late and rushed to hospital due to pain and being violently ill non stop. So I'm still getting tests done. But it looks like I most likely need surgery to explore deeper to see if it's the joys of being a female or appendix.

In response to: who am i- may trigger

outlanderSenior Contributor18 May 2017, 10:27 pm AEST

Re: who am i- may trigger

Having sex wasnt my choice @Former-Member and i wish they used protection but i guess they never think of that. Im glad i didnt get pregnant from it. <br>My nan had cervical cancer and watching her ho through that was not good at all. <br>I had scans done on my appendix and it wasnt that <br>Also on my uterus and ovaries to see about the polycystic condition but its not that and in the time i missed my period i actually gained 3kgs and ehen i weighed in 2 days ago after i lost my whole blood volume im sure it went back down. <br><br>I dont think i ever want sex ever again <br>

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Aboriginal flag

Torres Strait Islander flag

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.