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Something’s not right

who am i- may trigger

outlanderSenior Contributor04 May 2017, 7:08 pm AEST

who am i- may trigger

so ive been through some traumatic events and i feel it has changed me but in the process ive lost who i am and i dont know how to get 'me' back
im having alot of trouble moving forward and i dont even know where to start
ive been diagnosed with complex ptsd, health anxiety, social phobia, severe depressio and severe GAD as well

i was sexually abused when i was abit yonger and its still affecting me and i still ahve troubles coming to terms that it was my fault.
ive witnessed my youngest sister get attacked by a dog and i still blame myself for it
for both of events i still get flashbacks and visons of lookin ahead as well as alot of emotions around these mixed in with depression and the other anxieties as well

im a carer for my pop and also a primary carer for my two younger sisters and i also have another small paying job which is horse holiday care.
im also studyin as well and its coming to the end of it now as well.

i recently lost my nan and i was a carer for her as well before she passed and towards the end she was in a really bad way and these memories still haunt me

ive also got mild scoliosis and that is enough to cause pain, a few torn ligamanets that may never heal and if they do they will still casue me pain
i had a disk in my neck that is damaged from a horse fall and it casue s me pain and wont full heal but all i can do is continue pain management and treatment

i dont have any friends outside the forums and i dont have the support of my family either which makes me feel like a total dissapointment and a looser

not that long ago ive had to get glasses and also have to keep getting my eyes checked as they thought my retina was going so thats fun

i recently had to have pelvic and abdominal exams and ultrasounds as my gp thinks i have a condtion thats casuing lack of periods as i ahvent had them for almsot 2 months now and showing other symptoms as well and they wanted to do std testing from my past as well
im at my gp at least every week and this week alone ive gone 3 times already

i dont know who i am anymore, i dont know how to rediscover myself. i dotn know how to move forward and i dont know where to go from here

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In response to: who am i- may trigger

outlanderSenior Contributor09 May 2017, 4:56 pm AEST

Re: who am i- may trigger

so gp appointment first

she was really nice and she pretty much runs on time. I had to fill in papers and that took longer than expected so I held it up abit
we discussed meications and all my symptoms and things as well. She felt around my whol stomach and she said where most of the pain is gall bladder so its ossible I have gall stones or starting to get them. The other part of the pain could be IBS and also acid build up in my stomach so all of that combined my god!
The next bit is she wants a urine test to rule out any urinary tract infections, bugs and parasites of any sorts. Sh said its unlikeley a kidney infection but she is leaning more towards the IBS,acid and gall stones.
She said the stress would be contibuting to all of this and agrivating the IBS and acid but she thinks I still have something going on with gall baldder.
She also wants to add other tests to the bloods my other gp has ordered as well, so also check for other bugs, viruses, IBS, and anything else and to also wait for the pap smear and std results to come back to see how they are going as well.
Shes prescibed me some antiacids but I dont think ill take them yet in case they affect me badley and I cant afford that right now – no this close to my exam
Wow ok so thats a lot covered in a short time.

Secondly I had the ultrasound. I could do a walk in as I hadnt eaten anything so that came in handy and the smal mouth ful of liquid to go with tablets is ok for this
it took me 20 minutes to get the ultrasound done. Wow I could feel the difference in pressures between both sides. The right side was really painful and I tensed up so much.
Im abit overweight so it was probably my fault she had to push so hard but im working on that. Ive lsot 10 kg in like 4 months so I think im doing ok. And only 4 kgs to go until im in a very healthy weight range.
She was nice but she was rough. Im glad I got a female though

@Former-Member

In response to: who am i- may trigger

Unknown userMember09 May 2017, 4:56 pm AEST

Re: who am i- may trigger

Is your tummy still hurting? I hope you found some relief @outlander

In response to: who am i- may trigger

outlanderSenior Contributor09 May 2017, 4:59 pm AEST

Re: who am i- may trigger

Read above msg...

Oh and its still sore and still get pain but i xant do much until I get a diagnoais so the ultrasound results tomorrow bloods and urine test as well

In response to: who am i- may trigger

Unknown userMember09 May 2017, 5:00 pm AEST

Re: who am i- may trigger

Wow @outlander you've been through a lot today. I hope you find some answers. I had to have an ultrasound once and it was a man and I burst into tears and refused to let him do it! Good thing you got a lady.

In response to: who am i- may trigger

Unknown userMember09 May 2017, 5:01 pm AEST

Re: who am i- may trigger

Good luck I'll be thinking of you @outlander 🌸

In response to: who am i- may trigger

outlanderSenior Contributor09 May 2017, 5:04 pm AEST

Re: who am i- may trigger

This is the 2nd ultrasound in like a week @Former-Member
Im hoping this one will show something

Tomorrow though is my final exam so ill be doing that then drs. Not sure about blood test yet might wait till Thursday to get it done.

In response to: who am i- may trigger

outlanderSenior Contributor09 May 2017, 5:05 pm AEST

Re: who am i- may trigger

Your in my thoughts too
How have you been?

And yeah it if was a male i wouldnt have got it done

In response to: who am i- may trigger

Unknown userMember09 May 2017, 5:25 pm AEST

Re: who am i- may trigger

Terrible night and morning, couldn't go to work today @outlander. Lay awake from 3 feeling like I was having a heart attack. But have booked my psychiatrist appointment for Thursday morning and went to see my psychologist today so I feel a bit better now that there's some kind of plan in place. Feeling more calm now and oh so tired. I found a new show to watch - Big Little Lies. Good luck with your exam tomorrow. Does that mean you will be studying tonight? As much as you don't want there to be something wrong, I do know how frustrating it is when you KNOW that something isn't right with your body and the doctors all tell you there's nothing wrong.

In response to: who am i- may trigger

outlanderSenior Contributor09 May 2017, 5:28 pm AEST

Re: who am i- may trigger

Aww @Former-Member
Hopefully tomorrow will be better for you

Ive been studying since 2 and and im only halfway theough the modules so 3 and a half hours now and still going

Yeah i know i dont want anyyhing else to be wrong but i want to know what's wrong at the same time

Good on you for making those appointments today

In response to: who am i- may trigger

Unknown userMember09 May 2017, 5:35 pm AEST

Re: who am i- may trigger

Thanks, and good on you for getting a second opinion and looking after yourself. Oh I don't miss the study that's for sure! Especially trying to cram it all in the day before! Wishing you the best of luck

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.