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All in my head (fake illness))

Unknown userMember04 May 2017, 7:53 am AEST

All in my head (fake illness))

As long as I can remember I've always thought any illness I heard about I had.

At a young age if 7 my first memory I heard about aids and really had zero clue how you got it except if you got it you died. I asked an adult and obviously they aren't ready to have the bees and bird talk with me and they said you would get it from dirty things. So omg I sleept in someone else's bed sheets at a sleep over I must have aids because I don't know how clean they are. I would spend every night crying and saying to myself if I don't vomit in 2 weeks I don't have it. So I spend nights freaking out and crying.

This has trickled to my adult hood. I can not watch one doctor show. Omg they are the worse. I went through a season of Google doctor I made my self so sick with panic I lost 15 kg in two months from being violently ill. Then in my mid teens I started getting the panic attacks and truly believing I was dying.

At the moment my bipolar is stable which means hello anxiety for me. So if I see white powder on the road I run away from it being a forgine item. If I smell something funny I stop breathing as I think it's a toxic gas.

Last night I put out a mini bin fire because it was lit due to a cigarette. Now I'm believing the smoke is toxic and I'm going to be ill with a lung problem in the next week. So I'm now on V and giving myself the rules if I don't cough I'm fine.

Does anyone else suffer from this badly?
Like I know it's stupid I can say that but my pariond side won't budge. I'm really over it. Anyone got healthy ways to get ove it?

32 replies

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In response to: All in my head (fake illness))

Unknown userMember17 May 2017, 10:14 pm AEST

Re: All in my head (fake illness))

I'm just feeling more and more trapped. I can't breath. I just don't know! Are these feeling of being trapped my deppresion or is it that I am trapped and don't like my life and should leave my husband and find something that fills me. I can't tell!! I just keep getting this trapped feeling non stop and I feel like I'm dieing inside. I'm not living life I'm dieing. I'm fading away.

In response to: All in my head (fake illness))

outlanderSenior Contributor17 May 2017, 10:25 pm AEST

Re: All in my head (fake illness))

@CherryBomb whats your advice?

In response to: All in my head (fake illness))

outlanderSenior Contributor17 May 2017, 10:26 pm AEST

Re: All in my head (fake illness))

It could be your depression or it could be that your just really overwhelmed with everything thats going on at the moment and with your hubby being sick hes unable to do everything that he usually does @Former-Member

In response to: Re: All in my head (fake illness))

jazzSenior Contributor17 May 2017, 10:36 pm AEST

Re: All in my head (fake illness))

Hi it sounds like you are experiencing overwhelming feelings at the moment which is normal given your circumstances. Try not to make any decisons tonight on what to do, or what it could be. It's important that you try to engage in some breathing excercises to help ground you. perhaps tomorrow it is worth talking to someone for support and to explore what is happening for you. Jazz

In response to: All in my head (fake illness))

Unknown userMember18 May 2017, 10:25 am AEST

Re: All in my head (fake illness))

No I generally get these feelings of being trapped. I literally feel just stuck and unhappy. I've deleted all social media because that's upsetting me. I just feel like there's a mini me in me trying to get free but I don't know if it's a smart mini me that's going to bring me happiness or a mini me that's going to cause me pain. But I know ever way it's freedom

In response to: Re: All in my head (fake illness))

Unknown userMember18 May 2017, 10:33 am AEST

Re: All in my head (fake illness))

Hello @Former-Member

Are you meaning to say that there is perhaps something within you that you are hiding and that you want to let it out but unsure whether it will cause good or bad but either way it will help you, because it won't be bottled up?

In response to: All in my head (fake illness))

Unknown userMember18 May 2017, 12:44 pm AEST

Re: All in my head (fake illness))

I feel like there is an inner me in me. Like part of my personality or something. I don't know. It's like something is raging in me and it's telling me to turn my life back on everything I know and run and start fresh.

In response to: All in my head (fake illness))

Unknown userMember18 May 2017, 12:47 pm AEST

Re: All in my head (fake illness))

It's not like a voice or thought in my head. I like feel it in my gut and bones. Like you know when you belly lets you know of the person you meet is bad or not. It's kind of like that sense. Gosh I must sound crazy

In response to: All in my head (fake illness))

Unknown userMember18 May 2017, 12:48 pm AEST

Re: All in my head (fake illness))

I just feel like I've always been perfect and I want to be distrocutive. I don't want to play by the rules. I don't want be to scared I want to be free. Don't care what can happen just be free.

In response to: All in my head (fake illness))

outlanderSenior Contributor18 May 2017, 10:06 pm AEST

Re: All in my head (fake illness))

@Former-Member you dont sound crazy at all

It sounds like u crave some adventure. Something thats not 'you'
Is there something youd like to do? Like an activity?

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