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Not in a good place right now.

EllieSenior Contributor04 May 2015, 7:58 pm AEST

Not in a good place right now.

I'm hesitant to post this because others actually have it far worse than I do, but as the subject suggests, I'm doing it tough right now. I feel abandoned by my mental health services. They say they can look after me for one or two nights if I feel really suicidal, but despite the threats, I've never tried all that hard to complete the act and I think they believe I'm just someone looking for attention and being manipulative.

Of course, even if I was feeling like that, they're only going to talk to me, maybe suggest a hot bath with something nice in the water or a good nights rest. The latter is half the problem. My head is just so busy with my own thoughts, racing, racing and with no solution to anything in sight.

I'm having a home visit from my community case manager on Friday and she's already told me it will be the last time I see her. They're going to close my file and she's going on an OS holiday for a month. I feel totally abandoned again!!

I no longer want to get out of bed. What's the point? I'm not eating and have dropped a heap of weight. I didn't have much to spare to begin with, but I don't care. I know to stay well we must eat well, but I'm sick of all this stuff.

Anyway, I really wanted to let you know what's going on in my world and so if you don't see me responding to posts, then it's not you. It's me!

81 replies

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In response to: Not in a good place right now.

PeppiPattySenior Contributor05 May 2015, 8:39 pm AEST

Re: Not in a good place right now.

,
It's me again.
Another message about your experience of being neglected.
What to do.
Can I reflect on what you write;
How can you stop your mind racing ?
Good night rest.
Neglected by case community manager.
Forget to eat and drink.
Stay in bed.

So do you think you could change your mind to
Self care
And Getting proper help.

Can you go to see your GP?
I wrote some pointers down and took my neighbour to see the GP this afternoon.
the Doctor ordered her to have blood tests immediately to test for anaemia and what else might be affecting her.

This GP, I was impressed. The empathy and care to my neighbour and friend was good good.

Could you do this?
We are going back on Friday. As she has no other friends or family, I am going back with her on Friday and ask to get Silver chain in for Social Support.. I don't think that she could bear to be rejected by a community Case Manager.

I wonder if my friend @kato @INSIDEOUT @Troubled_One @Neb or or @kristin @redhead @Alessandra1992 could add anything ?

In response to: Not in a good place right now.

EllieSenior Contributor06 May 2015, 11:26 am AEST

Re: Not in a good place right now.

Thank you '47' for you kind support. Not a great week with this shoulder injury that I got last Friday night and not being able to get in for an ultra sound until the 15th, plus my case manager coming out here Friday to essentially wind up our connection and close the case file. I don't really know anything about this girl except that she keeps her mouth tightly closed and gives an air of 'over-the-top' professionalism, yet I feel as though yet again, someone is leaving me struggling in a mire I just can't seem to break free from. Everybody always leaves

I've been doing some DBT work at home, but it's not easy in a non-study environment and it's well known that it works best in small groups. I know a lot of this stuff from our Melbourne BPD support group, but I just don't seem to be able to put it into practice. I get too emotional and then it all goes out the window and I get depressed because I can't practice what's in the manual.

Anyway, I have the fire going nicely, a big wood fire and the house is pleasantly warm, so anyone of you that is feeling a bit down and needs some lovely ambient heat, then I'll save a spot for you. Too cold out down here to do anything anyway.

In response to: Not in a good place right now.

Alessandra1992Senior Contributor07 May 2015, 6:13 pm AEST

Re: Not in a good place right now.

@Ellie
Can I bring some Milo and marshmallows? Goof night for warming toes by a fire 🙂

In response to: Re: Not in a good place right now.

EllieSenior Contributor07 May 2015, 6:25 pm AEST

Re: Not in a good place right now.

Absolutely! Most welcome too

In response to: Not in a good place right now.

Alessandra1992Senior Contributor07 May 2015, 6:36 pm AEST

Re: Not in a good place right now.

And maybe some nutella and crunchy white bread:)

In response to: Not in a good place right now.

Troubled_OneSenior Contributor08 May 2015, 3:09 pm AEST

Re: Not in a good place right now.

Gee well for me, it is all about having the supports. I have the right doctors, and all mechanisms in place and use those. I only get better as I can use these supports, and with the help of my family.

I hope things go well for you.

In response to: Not in a good place right now.

redheadSenior Contributor08 May 2015, 5:16 pm AEST

Re: Not in a good place right now.

@Ellie j can relate a lot to your story. Hang in there mate. You deserve it.
I too lose the desire to eat or drink when I'm depressed. I have found having regular sips of protein or vitamin shakes help keep me going. it doesn't have to be Mich but over time it helps sustain you.
I did dbt for a while but my therapist left so I couldn't do it anymore. But it wasn't a waste as I did learn some new skills.
What other supports do you have aside from your casemanager.

In response to: Re: Not in a good place right now.

EllieSenior Contributor08 May 2015, 5:39 pm AEST

Re: Not in a good place right now.

Hi troubled_one and Redhead. Thank you for your kind remarks.

It could be said that I've put up with this stuff for 45 years, so I'll be around for the duration, but I really am sick of living this way. Mind you, I might have just been thrown a lifeline in that a friend who is a peer support worker has asked me to engage with her boss about starting a BPD self help group in my area and to service a wider area too. I'm not really interested in anything right now, but I could see myself doing that. It's really a matter of staying tuned. It's supposed to happen within the next two weeks.

Great that you got something out of your DBT sessions Redhead. What a shame your therapist moved away. I do have great faith in DBT. I've seen the result in a woman who was once told she'd never be free of admissions to psych units but who is now in remission of the disorder and maintains a full and rewarding life. Unfortunately publicly funded (Government) DBT doesn't exist in my local large city yet, if indeed it ever will, but I'm determined to get a low cost program set up in the town before I cark it. My therapist is already very interested in learning how to administer the course.

Kind regards,

Ellie.

In response to: Re: Not in a good place right now.

PeppiPattySenior Contributor08 May 2015, 8:49 pm AEST

Re: Not in a good place right now.

That's our Sandy girl
:0)

@Ellie
,
That's cool in that you may start your own group.....
Remember that saying......when you care for others your learning to care for yourself.....
That's what happened To me when I got my little doggy Bowie about 5 years ago.........he taught me how to care for myself as well.
I'm definitely caring for myself, getting my fruit by having fruit with my icecream for desert.......
Yummy. I haven't eaten chocolate for a couple of weeks, I'm in total shock I'm so healthy ......

In response to: Re: Not in a good place right now.

TaySenior Contributor09 May 2015, 1:53 am AEST

Re: Not in a good place right now.

DBT is not easy and I understand you feeling abandoned by your case manager. Its makes me angry to hear that you felt like she was above you - I'm a psych nurse but I also have major depression, ptsd, anxiety and panic attacks.

I have seen case managers at work and like you said - for you to get any help out of them you both have to get along. You do have a right to ask for a different one, but from what you said your sessions are over.

Who decided you don't need anymore help? If you're still feeling suicidal your case manager (if she was any good) would've allocated more visits.

I suggest you go to your GP and get an updated mental health care plan - 10 free visits to a psch - keep pushing - I understand it can be daunting. You may rather lay in front of your beautiful sounding fireplace wrapped up all cosy - but just one phone call.

Take care please - you are an important person, loved and wanted xx

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