Not in a good place right now.

I'm hesitant to post this because others actually have it far worse than I do, but as the subject suggests, I'm doing it tough right now. I feel abandoned by my mental health services. They say they can look after me for one or two nights if I feel really suicidal, but despite the threats, I've never tried all that hard to complete the act and I think they believe I'm just someone looking for attention and being manipulative.

Of course, even if I was feeling like that, they're only going to talk to me, maybe suggest a hot bath with something nice in the water or a good nights rest. The latter is half the problem. My head is just so busy with my own thoughts, racing, racing and with no solution to anything in sight.

I'm having a home visit from my community case manager on Friday and she's already told me it will be the last time I see her. They're going to close my file and she's going on an OS holiday for a month. I feel totally abandoned again!!

I no longer want to get out of bed. What's the point? I'm not eating and have dropped a heap of weight. I didn't have much to spare to begin with, but I don't care. I know to stay well we must eat well, but I'm sick of all this stuff.

Anyway, I really wanted to let you know what's going on in my world and so if you don't see me responding to posts, then it's not you. It's me!