FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Events and updates

Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

NikNikSenior Contributor

Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

For Topic Tuesday this week, @Former-Member and I will be hosting a session for people who are caring for men who aren't caring for themselves.

Whether it be your partner, brother, friend or son, it can be tough when someone you care about won't seek help.

Join us from 7pm AEST to be part of the discussion - ask questions, learn some tips and most importantly, be around others who are going through the same thing.

Two things you can do now

1) Hit 'Like' below to get an email notification on the night

2) Can't make the session? Leave your question below to be answered on the night

83 replies

41 - 50 of 83
1...456...9

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

Unknown userMember

Re: Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

@JayAr It's great to hear you have experience in speaking from an "I" position that can take some getting used to, often it's not something that will offer change on the spot- however over time allows the person to gather feedback and gain a sense of how they are experienced by others. Not a magical sollution by any means but sometimes when coupled with other aspects change can happen.

@Shaz51 finding the right time and place are also great points 🙂

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

Unknown userMember

Re: Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

I think that's great insight @Sanefan looking at how things impact your friends life on multiply levels offers you a space to be look at things through their lens- which in turn can help us be more patient and caring.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

NikNikSenior Contributor

Re: Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

Hi @Lostatsea
Welcome to Topic Tuesday.
So far tonight we have touched on a 'Stages of Change' Framework (page 1&2 of this chat) and having difficult conversations with a loved one.

It sounds like you've had (or still having) some tough conversations with your husband.

@Former-Member was just touching on using 'I statements' to start some of those difficult discussions.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

Sissy88Senior Contributor

Re: Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

@Faith-and-Hope I hear you sister! It's not just the mental health problem it's the "lifestyle and culture" that you have to live within. You sound like me a whistle blower, and it's not welcome because some family members are happy with the gravy train even if it is off the rails. You can try to get help, you can try to help yourself, but it's a long hard road.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

Something else I have done is withdrawn from the relationship, despite living in the same house ..... I see it as having withdrawn from the illness which is ruling not only my hubby but our household. I have found a life within our life, and I am doing my own thing with firm boundaries, and nobody can actually prevent me from doing this without being the one to collapse our home life. It's not a solution, but it has allowed a "holding pattern" where we ca mn still function.

I keep house at a basic level, and remain polite but distant, and take a lot of time for my own self-nurturing activities ..... which my Wayward Hisband (WH) is ironically labelling as me being self-centred ..... :face_with_rolling_eyes:

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

NikNikSenior Contributor

Re: Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

For those who aren't completely across 'I statements' It's a way to have a conversation with a loved one to share the impact that things are having on you OR what you have noticed from your perspective.

Often we can be met with anger or dismissial when raising concerns, but sometimes talking about things using an 'I statement' can diffuse a situation and make things easier to discuss.

Here is a practical resource to have a look if you want to learn more:

http://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/i-statements.pdf

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

That's it, @Sissy88 ..... I could see it on the others (ocpd) long before now, not understanding what it was, but recognising it as dysfunctional ..... but it was triggered in my WH to this level 8 years ago now ..... presumably by the eating disorder causing starvation of his brain ...... but I am not a medically trained person to be able to work all this out ...... all we have as carers is our observations, and if these are discarded, where to from there ??

I really want to see the privacy laws changed, because the lack of opportunity for disclosure is destroying families and causing mental health issues in other family members ......

It's so wrong !!

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

soulSenior Contributor

Re: Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

@JayAr - I know where you are coming from with the "it's fixed" mentality. It's one thing to admit there's a problem and say that things will change or "I won't do that again" but it's quite another to abide by those grand revelations.

An awareness is not the solution; there's still a long way to go.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

Unknown userMember

Re: Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope I really like how you have broken down things within your household to suit your family and situation. It;s a good point ot remember that we all have unique situations, yes overlaps may happen but it's important for us to try and work out what's best for us and our loved ones.

Boundaries can play a vital part in our roles not only as carers but as humans- great life skills 🙂

Boundaries are a great way of protecting ourselves and offering containment for our loved ones.

Has anyone found boundary setting helpful or a challenge in setting up?

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

Shaz51Senior Contributor

Re: Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

Mr shaz has inherited depression as well as other diagnosis , so his family and mine thinks he is fine, no worries , even when he ended up in hospital the last time , they said to me "what Happened ??? and then back to their own lives @NikNik

41 - 50 of 83
1...456...9

SANE Forums is published by SANE with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health.

SANE Forums does not provide crisis support.
If you need immediate assistance, please see available crisis services.

Learn more about SANE and SANE services at sane.org

Back to top
SANE logo
Australian Commission on Safety and Quality in Health Care NSQDMH Accreditation logo

Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

Donate Now
Aboriginal flag
Torres Strait Islander flag
LGBT flag
Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

Back to top
SANE logo
Australian Commission on Safety and Quality in Health Care NSQDMH Accreditation logo

Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

Donate Now
Aboriginal flag
Torres Strait Islander flag
LGBT flag
Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

SANE is a public company limited by guarantee and registered tax-exempt charity with DGR (Deductible Gift Recipient) status.

Charity ABN 92 006 533 606. Donations of $2 or more are tax deductible. SANE, PO Box 1226, Carlton VIC 3053.