Topic Tuesday // Caring for men who don't care about themselves // 27 June, 7pm AEST

@Shaz51 it sounds like you have quite open conversations with Mr Shaz - how were you able to make it so comfortable to have those difficult conversations (or are they still uncomfortable)?

A very close loved one in my life expresses these symptoms. His mental health condition also affects him both physically (eg. self-exclusion and sleep) and in his verbal expressions of feeling disengaged with the world. I appreciate his feelings of disempowerment and fear, mixed in with the stigma. I appreciate, too how disabling this is, as it shows clearly in how he manages his life on a daily basis. It's tough to watch, so it must be excruciating to 'live it'.

@Maggs52

Unfortunately, we see this type of thing quite often in this community. Sometimes it's really hard, but usually if someone is at a 1 on the Stages of Change wheel, all we can do as carers is to reiterate how much we care and how we'll be there for them. So if/when they move through to stage 2, they know you'll be there for them.

I'm sorry you're on the receiving end of his anger though. That must be tough.

I care for my husband who refuses to go back into hospital. He has spent so much time there he hates it. But his illness affects us all. We all struggle to cope with him. My daughter suffers from depression and seeing her dad like that makes matters worse. My son has autism. How do I get my husband to see that he needs to get help to help us too

My hubby worked with close family who are also apparently ocpd according to son's pdoc .... so there is a family culture that has reinforced the behaviours, ideals and expectations that are driving both forms
of menta illness. Recently hubby's brothers have started to become concerned about him ..... which is really something when they are used to extreme, but now they are finding him extremely extreme ...... !!

His mother though, will hear nothing at all detrimental about him as he has enabled a wealthy lifestyle for her, so that places him above all criticism as far as she is concerned, and she is enabling his e.d. behaviours openly at her house where they remain hidden in ours ..... and will cover and lie for him in that capacity..

Even gentle questioning is met with vindictive retaliation, because I have been viewed as the adversary since attending the family doctor and trying to disclose the issue - in our state, short of a major health crisis, this is the only avenue to being heard, but it changed things for the worse for us ......

Really feeling stuck and waiting for a crisis to occur, which has sort of happened in that our younger son has gone under with his life management as a result of being intensively micro-managed by my husband.

I am sitting in the middle of this giant mess, problem solving in the moment, trying to keep hostilities at bay because they are not helping us at all, and trying to be kind ..... modelling appropriate communications and repeating the mantra the we don't control other adults ...... now being reinforced over our son at least by his pdoc ......