im back..... i think

It all sound like home @outlander

If you had met my mother - a long time before you were born I know - she would have been the sweetest, rather shy lady - and she had a rebellious daughter. That was me - who studied hard at night school and went to work and the Army Reserve and sang in the church choir and was a pianist and an athlete - so much I did - but she never commented on that to me - I was rebellious and I was - I admit it

So tanties - yes - I used to scream at her - so loudly people might remember if they knew when - I would totally lose it. I was soooooooooooo glad to leave home

And for your sake I will be glad when you can - and yes - I can see you are a gem of a daughter and it's your mother that's written you off in a bad way and I understand you can't see it because all I could see when I was around your age was what a pain I was that I had to study and was out at the Army Reserve or at Night School and she did not like this because I was supposed to do the dishes for 6 without a dishwasher - or hot water service - and I would start to study before she jumped on me to do all those greasy dishes - and Dad would say "Forgiveness sake leave her alone - she has to study" - but alas - Dad was away on night shift a lot too - but he stood up for me

Aw remembering all that is painful - why am I telling you? Oh yeah - because all these years later I know my mother was wrongwrongwrong - I was a pretty good kid - a gem maybe - but I couldn't see it - my funniest memory is watching all the peas jump off the plate and bounce around on the table cloth with Mum banged the plate down in front of me. True

What a bad period you are having - whatever held it up - stress - certainly had its effect - hot water bottle under your feet and on your tummy - so that's two hot-water bottles - I did that for my periods - it's an old trick but I found it works - it works for my back pain as well - I think having one under your feet helps your circulation

But from my old age - and I am feeling it and worse - looking it lately - I can say that what we perceive when we are young is not what we know when we are older - I did marry the man my parents did not want me to - because that was the only way I could leave home - that was less than a good idea - but it's time to start making plans - you most likely can't do it yet - income - but you will - and it will be better for you

I care about you

Dec

Ooh @Owlunar you made me cry -not in a bad way-
Its the fact that someone gets it. Really gets it.

Oh yes those darn dishes. I dont have a dishwasher either and theres 6 of us in the house. Mind you theres enough people who can do it besides me.
I cant be a good kid if no one else can see it except for people who dont even 'know' me. People on herr know and understand me better than life form.
Im seriously sick of dealing with all the shite all the time and now i have 2 bit^^es to deal with every bloody time i see my horses.

Yes it was a pretty bad period i dont know what held it up but i still have similar symptoms to the cysts such as irregularity clotting factors and the general unwell feeling but i get my results back tomorrow so providing they can see them- apparently they are hard to see as im not sexually active- dont know where that comes in but anyhow...
Hopefully it gives me some answers.
Ill have to tell my gp about how sick ive been feeling too and my breasts hurt obe more than the other even though the infection should be gone now.
Paracetamol wasnt helping and neither were heat packs though i didnt try the foot one.
My stomach is still in knots and that lower stabbing pain is still there and my period is pretty much gone-back to spotting now- i think o had my whole cycle in one day!

I feel like absolute shite and my back and neck hurts. Everything just hurts 😞

Sorry for the rant @Owlunar

Ive got to go shopping soon so im up had tablets not brekky though i dont want ti feel worse not that it matters anymore and ive decided probably not to ride as we are near an airport and its really busy today and some of the horses are freaking out so might leave it today and go shopping. I feel dead and oh shite theres the stabbing pain again

Oh please @outlander - rant away - this way I get to know you and understand - my crap wasn't the same as yours and my perspective has mellowed across the years and my mother has passed on - and really regretted the way she treated me. I had more spirit than the other kids

I had my rants about my lazy domestic worker on Friday Night and yesterday morning - I will be acting tomorrow - and I have a website to look at before I do that - I love working on the net with the sun shining outside

I have even cut up the vegetables for my salad - I went to sleep late yesterday and woke up after dark and was not in the mood to cook anything and make any more dishes - I was not a happy camper - sleeping in the afternoon does that - strange dinner though - multigrain breadroll, rasperries, banana, yoghurt and iced-coffee - not too bad and very few dishes - I had better not nap and not wake up until after dark again - I do not like cleaning the griller and I have chops to cook today

I do get your situation - I do understand - to this day I wonder seriously about my sister and wonder if she has OCD because everything has to be her way and no one should interfer - I gave up years ago - but she still texts about our parents business affairs - I am wondering when that will be over - but she always texts or emails or writes when something else in my life is hard - bad anniversary coming up - she will be on to me to sign something else - and I could care less

But although my memories have mellowed my mother's voice in my memory still stings - and I wonder what has happened to some of the things - like photos of myself - that she had - but I doubt I will ever see them again

Time helps but I needed a hellova lot of that

Dec

im glad your acting on that tomorrow @Owlunar it wasnt right for her to be like that so good on you. i can see you have a fighters spirit lol

sounds like an interesting dinner but all well its good enough 🙂

i would like to try and move out but as you said my income isnt heling at the moment despite having 3 jobs with caring my main one and 2 other saller jobs that allow me a little extra cash in spare time

i dont know what to do with myself anymore or how to keep moving forward- thats why i made the who am i thread

hiya @Shaz51 how are you feeling today? are you any better?

what have you been up to today? whats the pans for the rest of your day?

Feeling a little bit better thank you @outlander

found some AB`s in the cupboard , so i have been taking them

I had morning tea with my mum and aunty this morning