Safety

yeah nope... way to freaked out to close my eyes lol. i hope you appointment goes well @Zoe7 i still feel really really weird and all over the place and i just everything is a total mess

I know you are really suffering at the moment @Eden1919 and it is soooo difficult to put those thoughts out of your mind but I do know you can get through this - you have done it (we have done it) so many times before. It is really, really tough but you can do it buddy - I know you can. Keep writing here if that helps andI will keep listening (reading) and sitting with you for as long as I can

I WANT TO SCREAM (this is not about anyone on the forum)

i am literally so irrritable right now like i did something that was supposed to make me relaxed and sleepy but instead i am more revved up than before and i am super paranoid and i literally dont know what to do with myself like i want to hurt myself so much and i feel like i need to ugh i cant even say it but it is annoying and i am typing so fast right now i dont even know if i can go slowly but i am going to break the keyboard and arrgh i am so so angry about nothing likeactually nothing i am just angry and please excuse this because it may be a long rant and i really wish i could post more expletives but anyway i am just sick of everything i am sick of being scared i am sick of people telling me i seem fine when inside i am about to burst i am sick and tired of being so bored all the freaking time so much that i want to naw my own arm off and i am sick of the endless crap that seems to run through my mind all day every day yes i try to keep busy but i am so distracted all the time that is it hard to focus i dont even know where i started with this post and i cant be bothered to read it back right this second to find out because that would be too much everything is too much i am too much for everyone else apperantly and i will have to find some way t make it to my appointment when everything in the whole stupid world and spirit world is out to destroy me and yet i cant even seem to do little things or i am doing too muuch or not or ugh i want to paint but i cant do that either and nothing i do is wokring and i literally cant take this it is too much my head wont freaking stop also incase someone is reading this i am not directing this at anyone but myself and i was so stupid and i shouldnt have tld her and now i am doomed but they were making me and my head isnt mine and someone is literally after me and i cant make it all stop and i cant call someone because they are tapping the phoens and i am litterally shaking right now and i cant take this and i am sorry and there is too much noise and i am sorry i dont know how many mistakes there will be in this but i am typign so fast there could be thousands and i am not prepared for anything right now and what if the person is reading this and i am still really unsire what to do and i need to get away and why do they always do this too me hold on there is more a part 2 is coming

Part 2

and to think i trusted them i shouldnt have because now i am going to get into trouble and i can t make my head stop and i want to yell at everyone and everything and i just my head is not mine anymore and i have been pretending this whole time and everyone keeps saying how happy they are with my progress but wont it be a shock to them not that i want that i tried to talk to them but it wasnt safe it is not my fault they all work for him and i am going to have to stop this somewhat soon because i do not exactly feel super safe and i dont even know if anyone is reading this and i am sorry it may make no sense but my head is going so fast right now and i cant make it stop and there are so so so many thoughts and i cant make them all stop either and the 2 souls inside of me are upset but i dont know whay and how will i know when ugh i cant say that why are they following me i have nothing to offer them and yet they are relentless and people say that is something ugh no stop why wont you

STOP

but no that will never happen and now i have to deal with the fact that ugh stop it please i cant this is too much my head is not mine and i want to scream at them but then i would get in toruble even though it is not my fault and i did something bad and now i want it all out but it is too late for that so now i have to do other things and i am sorry this is not very much of an explination but i cant give anyone one because i am not allowed to and then what happens if she tells what happens if she tells them and they talk and then i am doomed either way i cant see a decent way out of this mess other than one option but everyone keeps saying i cant do that no you musnt they say but why they dont understand they dont even know what is going on nobody does that is how it has to be or else they said i need to talk to someone but i cant and i need to get back what was taken from me but i dont know how to and everything is a huge mess huge huge huge messy mess of a mess and now i am stuck very stuck back where i was before only i dont expect anyone to even have read this or to respond but my head i must get it out ad it isnt safe anywhere not from them. ugh stop please just stop i am sorry.

I DO NOT FEEL GOOD

I cant do this

@Former-Member Thank you. i am trying i just feel so weird. i hope you are doing ok well relatively anyway.