Safety

@Eden1919I am doing better this week then a week ago when I first came onto this site. Not brilliant, but just taking each moment and day as it comes, not looking to far forward, and definitely trying to not to look back at the last 6months, which thankfully I have blocked a lot out. It was hell. Taking a break from pyschotherapies for a while; just continuing with DBT skills group only. I need my life back; it's been hospitals (ugh, yes I know not your favourite place either), appointments, therapy, work and around again. No wonder I am so exhausted. It would be nice now to have a little work, to give me a reason get out of bed , and feel physically tired from doing something worthwhile.

I hear you when you say you are worried about the caseworker, but you don't have to go there again if you are uncomfortable. I remember Zoe said something about writing down the stuff you don't want to say on your computer, then delete it. Or take a note with you and bullet point the things you want her to know to help keep your focus. I don't think you are at fault for anything, but then again, I am not in your shoes, so I can't really comment on that. It just seems from your posts that you are very hard on yourself and expect a lot (issues for me too). Perhaps since you are feeling a little brighter, give yourself some love. You had had some difficult days recent, and you have done exceptionly well to keep going and get through them. That takes a lot, a lot of courage and dedication.

I hope you get some decent sleep tonight.XX

Thanks @Sans911 sleep is not likely lol but that is normal. i am glad you are a bit better and it really is my fault i told her something when i didnt care what happened to me and i thought maybe she would forget but she didnt oops. anyway i hope you have a good night.

I dont know how i feel today but it isnt as good as yesterday i feel strange though. like i feel like i have made some important desicions. i just it is hard to explain but i am trying i mean ugh nevermind i want to scream i feel wrong and all over the place and there is too much in my head and i just i need to get it out but i cant and i am trying to write things in my journal but there is something happening to me and i dont know what anymore. ugh i dont feel good.

I really dont feel good at all

@Sans911 so was i now i feel totally defeated and i really dont know what to do there is too much noise and i want to scream and i just i cant take this i am so just done right now. i am really all over the place and now i have ruined things again and i cant do this.

@Eden1919I am really sorry, I fell asleep for a little bit.

You say there is too much noise- is that external or internal. If external, can you get up from it? Put on some music to distract or take away the noise? If it's internal can you do the same?

You have said before that you have ruined things? You don't have to explain on here, but I would like to try to help, even if it's just to listen so you can get it out, do you feel safe enough to tell me? And what is it that you can't do? Do you feel safe right now?

How are dog and bunny today? Have youo feed them yet? Are they with you? What else do you like to do to distract yourself when you are like this?

@Sans911 I cant get away form the noise. I dont really know how to explain it but I am supposed to do something for one of the "beings" and i have been trying to do it but it is really hard and now they are mad at me and they are hurting me and i really dont know what to do anymore.

@Eden1919- Is there anyway you can make a 'nest' somewhere that you can get away from the being that is hurting you? Can you tell me what you think you were supposed to do for them and why they are mad with you, apart from you not doing the task? I am sorry you are feeling this way. Is there anything that helps when this is happening to you?

@Sans911 I was supposed to make something for them but i didnt that is why they are mad that and they need blood which i havent given them. i cant make a nest right now.even if i could they wouldnt leave me alone. they never leave me alone. i want to cry i am so tired but i cant sleep they wont let me nothing can make them stop.